Subject: New mission!
Author:
Posted on: 2016-04-11 01:42:00 UTC
What's white, furry, winged, angry at everything, and back in business as of now? Two unlucky angels discover the answer to this riddle in "Sadly Mythtaken".
Special thanks to eatpraylove for letting me borrow one of her agents, along with personally reviewing this mission to keep her in character!
“Do I look like I care?” Asked Cupid, pouring the Bleeport into his Chalice.
Capitalization error. Should be obvious where.
“Wait, is Palutena saying that there are reinforcements coming?” asked Rashida.
As it stands, it may be confusing to the reader. I suggest that you clarify that it is the Aurum that are receiving reinforcements:
“Wait, is Palutena saying that the Aurum have reinforcements coming?” asked Rashida.
“Aside from a brief bit where the two parties reluctantly agree to work together, I don’t think we’ve got much to take note of,"
Which two parties? I'm guessing the Aurum and the Underworld Army?
“That can be arranged,” said Rashida, before she opened a huge portal and the POVs fell through with a few startled SNRFs.
We know that "snrf" is the noise the povs make, not an acronym. However, as written, it looks like an acronym. I suggest either italicizing or using quotation marks to clarify that you aren't using an acronym that no one knows:
“That can be arranged,” said Rashida, before she opened a huge portal and the POVs fell through with a few startled SNRFs.
Fixed all of 'em. And as for the two parties, it was the half-bloods and the angels, since they were arguing with each other before that point in the fic.
The angels both looked at her, expecting to say something.
Is another "her" missing there?
... knelt down and picked one of the many sheers off the floor.
I don’t understand. Did you mean "sheets"? Or are the diagrams and illustrations Falchion noticed in the second to next sentence meant to be "sheer plans"?
Cat-on-the-Keyboard already asked about "creating bit a character". I would guess that it’s meant to be "creating a bit character", but apparently I didn’t pay enough attention to remember who this bit character would be. Sorry about that. I try to read everything that’s written for the PPC, but these aren’t my fandoms and currently I’m too busy with other things to do it justice.
HG
All of these were typos that happened when I wrote bits of this thing from my phone. Sorry! ^^; And as for your question, see my response below - the tl;dr version is that Chaos in the Heroes of Olympus series is canonically a soul-destroying void, so my guess was that Lord Chaos was a bit from the Kid Icarus continuum instead.
This is very compelling. It's also very clear; I enjoyed reading it despite not having read any of your other stories about these characters (although I didn't quite follow what exactly had happened between Cupid and Rashida, I got the general idea and liked reading about them working it out).
There are only two things which confused me. On page 24 one of Liliana's charges is, "creating bit a character who contributes nothing to the plot." Is this a typo? What's it supposed to read?
The Tempura Wizard seemed completely random to me. Was it the result of a typo in the badfic? Is it an aspect of the Kid Icarus universe? (I'm only familiar with PJO.) Was the portal supposed to be to a different universe? Or did you make it up because you thought it was funny? It was funny; I'm just a bit confused.
...seeing as work and SMITE has been taking up most of my time. ^^;
The bit character was supposed to be Lord Chaos... I assumed it was a bit character because Chaos himself doesn't appear as a character in the PJO series (there, he's a great void, as well as the first primordial deity).
And as eatpraylove said, the Tempura Wizard is an enemy from Kid Icarus: Uprising that turns you to tempura and eats you, and since Liliana chose to stay in Skyworld in the end of the actual fic, it was only fitting to feed her to one.
They turn you into tempura and try to eat you if you get too close to them.
It would appear that the link to the mission on the Wiki main page is a link to the wrong mission.
Someone may want to fix that.