You're not very good at that.

Subject: You're not very good at that.
Author: Larfen J. Stocke, esq
Posted on: 2016-03-16 07:30:00 UTC

Shutting up, I mean.

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Eh, a few questions won't hurt, will they? by Irrelevant on 2016-03-15 07:44:00 UTC Reply

Actually, of course they will. Questions are terrifying little monsters.
I suppose I must explain. I have made a life goal of reading through the very messy PPC Wiki. I still have a lot more pages to read through but I have a few questions regarding what I have read so far. I'm going to be a bit more forward since I've been officially hanging around here for two weeks.

Since a Deformed is a League of Mary-Sue Factories worker that is an underdeveloped Sue, and there are reformed Sue agents, can there be a reformed Deformed? (Gah, that sounds funny)

Do agents have to have hands?

If an agent is a pyromaniac (eg everyone in DOGA) does that mean they are flamethrower-crazy? If so does that mean that the agents in DOGA are crazier than the other departments's agents?

To what extent is the PPC valid for missions? I've been noticing a lack of Creative Curses in...uh...some missions. No offense intended.

Do you roleplay on here very often? Or is that only for the RP forum?

Okay, I think that's it. If any other newbies have questions, they can ask too, I believe.

I've got a few questions of my own. by GlarnBoudin on 2016-03-18 17:34:00 UTC Reply

1) If a badfic has a population of a species of animal or plant in it that doesn't belong in that continuum (i.e. tigers and palm trees in AoT), how many would you theoretically need to transport to the DMFF for them to count as all being rounded up? If it's a World One animal, would we use World One info about how many there are in a given environment or make up our own numbers?
2) Besides the 'Bad End' and King Kroc, what kinds of things do we have in the DMFF, anyway? I presume that the basilisk from Ripper's first mission is there, but beyond that, I don't have the slightest clue. If we need someone to manage said department, I would gladly help. I'm still tweaking my writing samples, but they're almost done, and I've found a lot of badfics with animals that don't belong, including one where there are dinosaurs in Remnant.
3) Would it be possible to just dump a non-canonical species in a continuum where they would fit in? Say that someone creates a species of acid-spitting giant scorpions. Could we just drop them off on one of the layers of the Abyss from D&D?
4) What are the accommodations like for the animals and plants in the DMFF?

Eh? by Neshomeh on 2016-03-18 17:52:00 UTC Reply

Where do you get the idea that the DMFF houses all the misplaced things the PPC comes across? Their job, last I heard, was mainly to destroy them, though I assume relocation would be an option for species that do canonically exist elsewhere.

Bad End doesn't live in the DMFF, anyway. At least, Tungsten Monk and I never said so.

Source Needed.

~Neshomeh

I have some questions as well by Bramandin on 2016-03-18 16:58:00 UTC Reply
1. I've got an idea for the version of Pinkamena from http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fanfic/FanficIsCrapsack If the link gets censored, it's written by Reality Check. The basic premise is that somehow badfic like Cupcakes spawned a separate personality for Pinkie Pie that is aware of bad fanfiction and works to destroy it.
  
  My basic idea is that while she doesn't properly know about the PPC, she can see agents and tell that they're not part of the story. Occasionally, she'd be the character replacement.
  
  2. I know that Cupcakes has been killed, but I found a Generation 1 story about it. Can I say that Cupcakes was so infamous that references to it are still hurting canon?
  
  3. Are there any borrowable agents that are fans of or knowledgeable of older My Little Pony series?
  
  4. Can I please have the Marquis de Sod tell someone that they can't be a field agent? I really like a concept I came up with where someone is stuck in the department of operations for years even though he wants to be an assassin. Then he finally manages to get transferred. I only want to use him for maybe 3-6 missions before he realizes that he's not really suited to be in the action division.

Answers, sort of. by Neshomeh on 2016-03-18 17:44:00 UTC Reply

Right now, the answer to all of them is "No, you can't, because you don't have Permission to write PPC stories yet."

However, assuming you eventually get it:

1. That sounds like fanon, not canon. Canon!Pinkie Pie has no knowledge of any fanfic, let alone an entire alternate personality based on it. Fanon!Pinkamena turning up as a character replacement could work, but it seems to me you'd have to get Reality Check's permission first, since you'd be using their idea.

2. Maybe? The concept of canon damage is a thing, after all.

3. Not that I know of.

4. ... No, you actually need Permission for this one. It's a fine idea for a character arc, but you've got to sell us on your ability to write characters first.

Follow-up question: What's with all the interest in "Cupcakes"? It makes me nervous when newbies get fixated on Legendaries, especially ones that have been killed already. There's way more to the PPC than the Big Bads.

~Neshomeh

Re: Answers, sort of. by Bramandin on 2016-03-25 15:14:00 UTC Reply

Cupcakes just seems to crop up a lot. I don't have the links with me, but I remember a couple stories where the author mentions having read Cupcakes and then has Rainbow Dash strapped to a table. I don't think that I've actually read one of the original versions.

I grabbed the second Reality Check story and decided that having that version of Pinkamena show up would mean that there would be no time for a charge list and the agents might be in danger.
Dunno about other people... by Desdendelle on 2016-03-18 21:18:00 UTC Reply

But I know that I, as a newbie, was pretty excitable. Badfic was Horrible and you had to do something about it — you need strike down upon it with great vengeance and furious anger! Following that mindset, you gravitate toward the biggest thing you see. The biggest thing I saw, being a newcomer to the idea of fanfic, was a bad Artemis Fowl x Doctor Who crossover. It seems that other newbies see Legendaries.

When I was new... by Neshomeh on 2016-03-19 02:47:00 UTC Reply

I just wanted to join in and do this cool thing that I'd had so much fun reading about. I'm pretty sure I regarded the Legendary Evils as out of my league, if I thought about them at all—maybe most of us did. hS actually PPCing "legolas" and then "Celebrian" was kind of a huge deal, since, IIRC, no one had ever done it before. The likes of Arwen!Sue, Balrog!Sue, and Salina Rose the Piratate were the big sporks back in the day.

I guess it's a case of collective power creep or something?

~Neshomeh
Back in my day... by Huinesoron on 2016-03-18 22:14:00 UTC Reply

[Waves obligatory walking stick]

Ahm. Back in my day, the biggest thing was founding a department. That one kind of stuck on me. ^_~

hS

Which reminds me, I have plans when I get back... by JulyFlame on 2016-03-20 00:02:00 UTC Reply

*steeples fingers*.

Mysteriously,
-July

Everything is proceeding exactly as I have foreseen. (nm) by Scapegrace on 2016-03-20 14:42:00 UTC Reply

иЁ€з”»йЂљг‚ЉгЃ§гЃ™! by Desndelle on 2016-03-20 17:30:00 UTC Reply

*is brick'd*

*puts the mini-Desdendelle with all the mini-Iximazes* (nm) by Scapegrace on 2016-03-21 13:20:00 UTC Reply

Dammit. I keep creating those. (nm) by Desdendelle on 2016-03-21 15:04:00 UTC Reply

計画通りです! by Desndelle on 2016-03-20 17:30:00 UTC Reply

*is brick'd*

And I have plans when I finish Ardolindi. by Huinesoron on 2016-03-20 13:23:00 UTC Reply

Place your bets now on who gets round to it first!

hS will probably lose this race

I dunno. by JulyFlame on 2016-03-20 19:57:00 UTC Reply

Your release schedule is currently far better than mine. And you can actually release things.

-July, slowly cranking out the writing anyways

Apropos founding a department... by Desdendelle on 2016-03-18 22:43:00 UTC Reply

I'd like to ask, O Keeper of Statistics: how many (and which) departments have been dead (ie, without new stories published in them) for a year or more? Because I looked at, say, Despatch, and they have very little to their name (two missions), none of it new.

A year? Uh, that'll be most of them. by Huinesoron on 2016-03-19 12:15:00 UTC Reply

Uh, that's gonna be 'most of them'. My spreadsheet of 2015 in the PPC (created for Nesh's PPC fiction awards which never happened) includes 106 stories. I, um, super can't be bothered to sort through them, but you can probably gauge things by the list of people who've actually written PPC-multiverse stories in that time. In absolutely no particular order:

Voyd, Huinesoron, Matt Cipher, Silenthunder, DawnFire, Desdendelle, Scapegrace, JulyFlame, Iximaz, James Shields, SkarmorySilver, eatpraylove, Neshomeh, Meta, SeaTurtle, the Irish Samurai, firemagic, Pippa's Ghost, Edhelistar, Alleb, Sergio Turbo, Tawaki, Tungsten_Monk, TheShyIon, Cassie, Caddy-Shack, Miah, World-Jumper, Fish Custard, doctorlit

That's all on the second tab. Of those 30 authors, 9 only wrote one story.

Despatch in particular has been dead for a veeeeeery long time. I seem to recall the last person to express an interest in it was zdimensia, so... yeah.

hS

I did some counting. by Desdendelle on 2016-03-19 13:33:00 UTC Reply

There were 11 Departments active in 2015: Mary-Sues, Floaters, the Nursery, Improbable Crossovers, All-Purpose, Operations (specifically, Building Maintenance), WhatThe, Bad Slash, Sufficiently Advanced Technology, Internal Affairs and Intelligence. The other 23 were inactive, some for a very long time.

Thank ye kindly for the springboard, Irrelevant! by Badger421 on 2016-03-16 03:09:00 UTC Reply

So, surprise, surprise, lurking for five years leaves one with a few questions. And now thanks to Irrelevant I don't even need to make my own post to ask them. So, on with the show!

1/A/1st) HQ and the world: Given how many people wind up in HQ by accident, it doesn't seem like it's all that hard to enter, but does that only apply to plotholes, or could other means of transportation land you in HQ? To be more specific, Sigil, the City of Doors, is said to contain portals leading anywhere and everywhere in the D&D multiverse, could such a gateway exist between Sigil and some part of HQ in that continuum, or would it be blocked by its defenses?

2/B/2nd) Magic and HQ: Similar to the last question, is there a consensus on just how connected HQ is to the rest of the Multiverse? For instance, would the Force still be present despite being unique to Star Wars?

3/C/3rd) Characters from other stories in the PPC: Basically, what does the Board think of using a character in the PPC and another story at the same time? This one isn't particularly important as I've decided against using the character in question, but it's still an interesting query, I think.

4/D/4th) Characters aware of the PPC: This is just me being nosy. What characters does everyone think are aware of the PPC? I think Tarquin from Order of the Stick might qualify, given his expert knowledge of the inner workings of storytelling. I also suspect the Lady of Pain (ruler of the aforementioned City of Doors) might know. She's powerful enough to keep gods out of Sigil, she's probably picked up a few things.

Hm. I could swear I had more questions, but I suppose I've forgotten them. Ah well, always the next question thread.

Unless I'm abducted by ninjas.

A few answers: by Iximaz on 2016-03-16 03:36:00 UTC Reply

1) "Sigil, the City of Doors, is said to contain portals leading anywhere and everywhere in the D&D multiverse"

I think that answers that. ;P Plotholes in Sigil are just as likely, though.

2) From what most spinoffs show, HQ seems to be an amalgamation of phlebotinum in that pretty much all canonical abilities can be used within it. (Though there might be exceptions; it's specifically stated in the RWBY 'verse that when Dust is taken off of Remnant it stops working.)

3) There have actually been a few like that! Alec Troven and affiliated characters come to mind for me.

4) The general agreement on canons who know about the PPC are gods, like Aslan, Eru, Madoka, and the like. There are a few exceptions (which I personally don't agree with), but the general consensus is "they have to be omniscient/omnipotent". Fourth wall breakers and Genre Savvy characters generally don't count.

Thanks! by Badger421 on 2016-03-16 04:52:00 UTC Reply

1) I was mostly curious about this because in the article on the Wiki it notes that HQ exists pretty much everywhere. The examples given being a stretch of corridor in the Misty Mountains or in orbit around Hoth. So I was more curious if a small stretch of corridor happened to snake through the Astral Sea, would one of Sigil's portals actually be able to reach it?

2) Noted!

3) Hm, interesting. I shall certainly check that out.

4) I see your point. I guess only the really omniscient characters have enough influence over the canon to avoid forgetting anything they'd learn, anyway.

Many thanks for the prompt response.

Hmmm on point 1. by Iximaz on 2016-03-16 05:00:00 UTC Reply

If—and it's not an unlikely if—there was a bit of HQ in the Astral Sea or the Feywild or what have you, I don't see why a portal from Sigil couldn't make it into HQ, though I suspect the Department of External Security would keep a close eye on that.

Thanks for the input. by Badger421 on 2016-03-16 05:28:00 UTC Reply

It is appreciated. Sigil's portals mesh just a bit better than plotholes for a character I have in mind.

Reminds me: is it ever possible to recruit canon characters? by Cat-on-the-Keyboard on 2016-03-16 04:42:00 UTC Reply

Is there a reason not to recruit canon characters? Or can you use them if you can make it canon-compliant? What if she disappeared, it's never stated exactly where she went, and there's a canon plot hole associated with her?

(I have my eye on Philippa Stainton from "Carry On", by Rainbow Rowell.)

Thanks for clearing that up. (nm) by Cat-on-the-Keyboard on 2016-03-17 16:27:00 UTC Reply
I wouldn't recommend it. by PoorCynic on 2016-03-16 05:14:00 UTC Reply

Iximaz posted a response while I was writing mine out, but I wanted to express my thoughts anyway. While using canonicals has been done in the past, I believe that PPC characters should be of your own creation. Yes, we may "adopt" or "rescue" badfic characters, but we shape how they develop. They become something new, something transformative, something that is wholly ours. I would argue that is far more interesting than just trying to ape another writer's character.

There's nothing stopping you from creating versions of a canonical character. Badfic provides plenty of rationales for why a slightly-off clone/twin/reincarnation/replacement of a known figure might exist. Paddlebrains and Dafydd Illian are both examples of this. They used Sirius Black and Maglor, respectively, as templates, but ultimately became their own characters.
No. by Iximaz on 2016-03-16 04:51:00 UTC Reply

There was a kinda-sorta exception to that from a while back, though.

Anyway, recruiting canons (unless they're from your own original stories) is a no-no, but recruiting character replacements is completely fine.

Ah, thank you for that explanation. by Irrelevant on 2016-03-16 10:48:00 UTC Reply

As I was thinking about potential agent ideas I was thinking about recruiting a unicorn from my own little world instead of from The Last Unicorn Word World. So thank you for that.

Owww, sharp pointy questions! by Huinesoron on 2016-03-15 08:22:00 UTC Reply

1/ The word is Defective, not Deformed. There's no fundamental one couldn't get recruited, but a) they work in Factories which are aggressive enemies of the PPC, and b) their underdeveloped status means they have no powers, physical strength, personalities... anything, really.

2/ No. Alice the telepathic horse doesn't, to name but one.

3/ A pyro is someone who really likes fire. Flamethrower-crazy means someone who runs through the halls of HQ setting things on fire (and possibly yelling "Mr Rogers! Mr Rogers!"). They are not the same thing; while DOGA agents may be crazier, they're not that crazy. Except when they snap.

4/ a) It's not any more. b) Not using Creative Curses is... uh, fine? They're not actually a requirement.

5/ The ~~Other Board~~ T-Board is our RP hub, but RPs are brought up on the Board and then take place over there. That means either sign-up threads, or literally just a 'I've started an RP about [this], come over and join in!'. We do it that way to avoid a huge thread making the Board difficult to read.

6/ Yes, but only - and this is important - only on a Sunday or Octeday. I'm sure I don't need to tell you what happens if you try on a Wednesday.

hS

Hm. by Irrelevant on 2016-03-15 09:08:00 UTC Reply
1. Ah, yeah, I knew something was wrong with that word...it sounded too rhymey. Yeah, that makes sense. I figured that they were a lot like bit characters.
  
  2. Mmm, I remember Alice. I think I saw a My Little Pony agent once too.
  
  3.Yeah, I just needed some clarification there. *sets a firecracker down near a Boarder's feet*
  
  4. Figures. Why would there be a loophole in the Constitution? I don't know. I'll probably end up using them because a). Why not? b). I am the queen of euphemisms. c). Real curses bug me.
  
  5. So, how often are there RPs then? Has there just been a severe lack of them lately?
  
  6. Oooh, now I must know what happens if you ask questions on a Wednesday...

Re: #4. by Huinesoron on 2016-03-15 10:31:00 UTC Reply

The Constitution says this:

12. The PPC community is kid-, family- and work-friendly — make sure it stays that way. That means no cursing, no graphic violence, sex or whatever. If you feel you have to break this rule, please give a specific warning (and remember, just because you don’t have a problem with something, doesn’t mean others won’t). The PPC shared universe is also kid-, family- and work-friendly, but in this case the rule is to warn for anything that raises your rating, rather than necessarily cutting it out.

I assume people have been doing that; I haven't really checked.

RPs are an occasional, as-and-when-someone-wants-one thing.

hS

Re: RPs by DawnFire on 2016-03-15 14:24:00 UTC Reply

Unless someone starts a different one before then, there'll be one beginning, er, next week. Wow. Somewhere around the 24th or 25th--looking at my schedule, it'll probably be the 25th. So get your costumes ready--the Purim RP is coming back! (Purim being a Jewish holiday, if you don't recognize it. For the past couple of years, I've been running--or starting, in last year's case--a Purim party RP. Agents--and Boarders, sometimes--come to a party in costume and eat tasty things, stuff like that. No Permission necessary, assuming I remember both the PPC rules and my own...)

Anyway, that's the next RP, unless someone else starts something first. And, on that note, I should probably have left the house ten minutes ago...

~DF

So, we don't need perms, and whatnot, by Larfen J. Stocke, esq on 2016-03-16 08:22:00 UTC Reply

But I can't be the only non-permission-newbie who feels just a wee bit weird throwing in random characters who nobody is familiar with?
It feels sort of like going into a party without being invited. Not that I do that.

Well... by Desdendell on 2016-03-16 16:10:00 UTC Reply

1) I'm sure you won't be the only newbie testing characters. Even if you do end up so, don't fret! RPs are for fun, so no worries!
2) RPs are good for bouncing characters off other characters — it's a good method to write a character and see what's it like and whether you want to continue writing it.

Cheers. by Larfen J. Stocke, esq on 2016-03-17 07:15:00 UTC Reply

Right. Brilliant.
I can't guarantee I won't fret, but I'll try and limit it.
I'll just distract everyone with another newbie.

Another thing of note - I can't seem to make an account on the T-Board.
It just apologises and says that something went wrong.
*sweeps Desdendell the mini-Boarder* by Desdendelle on 2016-03-16 16:57:00 UTC Reply

Whoops.

Well, I think in this special case... by Hieronymus Graubart on 2016-03-16 13:22:00 UTC Reply

"Agents – and Boarders, sometimes –come to a party in costume" means that you don’t need random characters. You can throw in a mysterious masked figure who looks like Batman or the Phantom of the Opera or whatever you like and who is essentially yourself.

HG

I already look pretty similar to the Phantom of the Opera. by Larfen J. Stocke, esq on 2016-03-17 07:19:00 UTC Reply

Maybe I ought to get a mask.

Ooh, a shiny RP! by Irrelevant on 2016-03-15 18:34:00 UTC Reply

Count me in! I love roleplaying.

Wonderful! See you in it next week, then. (nm) by DawnFire on 2016-03-15 18:58:00 UTC Reply

The thing is... by Irrelevant on 2016-03-15 11:48:00 UTC Reply

I have checked that on occasion, and I haven't been seeing any warnings. I have read my Constitution, by the way, though thank you for pointing that out. However as I would consider The Original Series to be just barely PG-13 maybe people assume that they should follow in its footsteps instead of obeying the Constitution. Someone would probably just need to ask around.

I figured you'd read it. by Huinesoron on 2016-03-15 11:54:00 UTC Reply

I was just highlighting that it didn't actually say 'don't swear in missions', since... y'know... you brought it up and all. ^_~

I personally agree with you (and good luck finding cursing in my work!). But most of our most active writers don't, so there it is.

hS

Yeah, I suppose I didn't quite have my facts straight. by Irrelevant on 2016-03-15 12:27:00 UTC Reply

But I just bookmarked The Constitution for easy access, so that problem should exist in the future.
Hm, come to think of it... by Iximaz on 2016-03-15 11:59:00 UTC Reply

I should probably go edit my agents' Wiki pages so they have a general swear warning. When I started out writing I was convinced I wouldn't be using anything stronger than "damn" and look how that turned out. >.>

I do warn for the badfics that have lots of smut/possible triggers, though.

*scurries off to add that warning*

Starting RPs. by Larfen J. Stocke, esq on 2016-03-15 10:59:00 UTC Reply

That's a dangerous amount of power we've been revealed to hold, I ought to say.

Mmm, yes, very much so. by Irrelevant on 2016-03-15 11:50:00 UTC Reply

I wish I had a good quote to follow my title but I don't, so I'll shut up now.

You're not very good at that. by Larfen J. Stocke, esq on 2016-03-16 07:30:00 UTC Reply

Shutting up, I mean.