Thank you :)

New mission and interlude! by Iximaz on 2016-03-02 18:13:00 UTC Reply

In which the Aviator and Zeb take on a Peter Pan Sue and Zeb has way too much fun with his disguise.

After they finish with that, the Aviator goes to visit some friends. (Heavy on the feels, just a heads-up.)

I was going to post this tomorrow because I didn't want to steal hS' thunder, but then he started taunting us with that darn puzzle. *shakes fist*

Re: New mission and interlude! by Bramandin on 2016-03-04 16:37:00 UTC Reply

The Aviator and Zeb are flitting up to the only house shown in their surroundings, peeried through windows until Zeb waves the Aviator over.

Pretty good. I like how they were fairies for most of the mission.
IÂ’m slightly confused about one sentence. by Hieronymus Graubart on 2016-03-04 11:09:00 UTC Reply

Zeb bobbed his head awkwardly and went to his bed, brushing some fur off the sheets before setting them down.

I may be reading this wrong, because I’m not a native speaker and not very familiar with Zeb’s habits. Are you saying that Zeb brushed some fur off the bed sheets and then set the bed sheets down? Where have they been before he set them down? Is there a figure of speech I’m not aware of? My wild guess is that you wanted to say that Zeb put the books he was carrying down on the bed, and somehow lost a part of the sentence.

HG

Ah, whoops, you're right. Fixed! :) (nm) by Iximaz on 2016-03-04 11:35:00 UTC Reply

Oh, hey, it's short! by Huinesoron on 2016-03-04 10:23:00 UTC Reply

(Eleven pages is short, right? :D)

Anyway, that meant I could actually read it. I don't have a lot to say, I'm afraid; I snerked at 'NeverLAN', and thought the idea of piggybacking Hook's plan was a nifty one (on your part, for storytelling, specifically; it didn't seem to gain the agents much).

I'm a little bit confused as to how the Suvian died? Did they leave her to drown, and if so, how did they know someone wouldn't come and rescue her? Heck, even Hook was after her, he could've plucked her off the rock to use in his dastardly schemes. Muahaha, etc.

[Reads interlude]

... well, I can't say I wasn't warned. ;)

hS

Short for me, at least... :P by Iximaz on 2016-03-04 11:41:00 UTC Reply

And yeah, I was thinking they drowned her (kind of like Hook's plan for Tiger Lily) but... hrm. Point.

I'll look into reworking the ending later today; Sergio also mentioned it needed some work so ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Thanks!

So far, so good by son_of_heaven176 on 2016-03-03 00:38:00 UTC Reply

Haven't read the interlude yet, but the mission was OK. I only caught one spelling error:

They found several blackberry bushes, with plump fruits easily the size of their heads. They picked several berries—as many as they could carry—and perched on a leaf, plucking off individual druplets and biting into them, causing sweet juices to get everywhere.

There's an E missing: it's spelled "drupelet".

Ah, thanks. Fixed! (nm) by Iximaz on 2016-03-03 00:46:00 UTC Reply

Feels indeed. by Hardric on 2016-03-02 20:28:00 UTC Reply

Memories stay forever.

Also happy to see Ave finally beginning to climb back from the pit.

~~Please don't break her again with My Immortal.~~

Like I said... by Iximaz on 2016-03-02 21:31:00 UTC Reply

I felt like she's had time to wallow. Time to grieve, eh, not yet, but wallowing? Yeah.

The feels were good feels though. by Sergio Turbo on 2016-03-02 20:10:00 UTC Reply

Nice to see Ave's slowly getting her bearings straight.

The mission was nice too - Zeb goign crazy with fairy stuff was very fun, and them both going around pickign and eathing berries was somewhat sooting... they were having a good time.

If I have to nitpick something, the ending of the mission felt somewhat rushed, but it might be me.

Thank you :) by Iximaz on 2016-03-02 21:27:00 UTC Reply

I had a lot of fun writing both stories. Figured six months was long enough

Hm... any specifics on how it felt rushed? Possible ways to improve that?

Hmmm... by Sergio Turbo on 2016-03-03 19:12:00 UTC Reply

I... don't know, actually. Possibly something with the transitioning - one moment they were all here, then there, then there else.

Maybe smoothing these a bit?
...this is why I check to make sure I finish writing. by Iximaz on 2016-03-02 21:28:00 UTC Reply

*figured six months was long enough for her to wallow.

There, done. :P