*cakefetti*

Happy Birthday, Phobos! by JulyFlame on 2016-03-02 11:33:00 UTC Reply

It is (as one can suppose from the context of the subject line) Phobos' birthday today. Or at least, that's what my sources tell me. There's always the possibility that they may be false, due to the pure cunning Phobos exhibits.

May his facial hair only grow more glorious with age.

We may require weekly facial hair updates. by Larfen J. Stocke, esq on 2016-03-03 07:17:00 UTC Reply

HAPPY DAY OF BIRTH.
Happy birthday, beardmaster! (nm) by PoorCynic on 2016-03-03 01:58:00 UTC Reply
Happy birthday! (nm) by son_of_heaven176 on 2016-03-03 00:16:00 UTC Reply
Happy birthday to him! Also, hi! :D (nm) by eatpraylove on 2016-03-02 23:51:00 UTC Reply
Happy Birthday, Phobos! \o/! (nm) by Mister Shoebox on 2016-03-02 23:39:00 UTC Reply
And may his beard grow ever longer. XD Happy B-Day! (nm) by Silenthunder on 2016-03-02 21:02:00 UTC Reply
Your souce is Facebook, isn't it? by Phobos on 2016-03-02 14:46:00 UTC Reply

The Book of Faces never lies. Thank you, July.

Facial Hair Status: Vandal Savage

-Phobos

Possibly. Very possibly. by JulyFlame on 2016-03-03 08:40:00 UTC Reply

Vandal Savage Status is a pretty impressive status.
And for the record, I'm now 30. (nm) by Phobos on 2016-03-02 14:47:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to the club. Awful, innit? (nm) by Huinesoron on 2016-03-02 14:57:00 UTC Reply

Not so bad... by Phobos on 2016-03-02 16:41:00 UTC Reply

I mean, sure, my knees are shot, my back isn't great, my eyes are failing, my hair is falling out, and there's always kids on my lawn. Other than that, I'm...wait...I'm old, aren't I?

Damn.

-Oldbos

Happy birthday, Phobos! by Hardric on 2016-03-02 13:40:00 UTC Reply

Let me give you a self-updating guidebook of all of the deathtraps in the multiverse. (I have got a shortage of black-hole stuff for the moment.)

Nooooo! *dives for book* by Neshomeh on 2016-03-02 15:23:00 UTC Reply

*lands on her face in a cloud of dust as Phobos swaggers off with the book and the scariest grin*

No! Dangit, Hardric, what have you done? Phobos does not need help coming up with deathtraps. Now we'll never see the end of them! We had all best tread very carefully from now on.

>.>

<.>
~Neshomeh

Expand this post →

That's for glitterbag elimination. by Hardric on 2016-03-02 15:41:00 UTC Reply

All of the locations in the multiverse for a quick death-and-disposal, whatever the universe. Thought it could be nice letting them taste the IO's wrath instead of us for once.

He wouldn't be using it on other people, right? *runs far away. Far, far away*

Phobos, what's your full title again? (nm) by JulyFlame on 2016-03-03 08:55:00 UTC Reply

What title? by Phobos on 2016-03-03 14:59:00 UTC Reply

I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.

-Phobos, The Betraying Betrayer Who Betrays

*Whistles innocently* (nm) by Phobos on 2016-03-02 15:47:00 UTC Reply

*cakefetti* by Iximaz on 2016-03-02 13:27:00 UTC Reply

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
HOPE NOBODY MAKES YOU BLUE
AND YOUR CAKE DOESN'T EXPLODE IN GOO!

*blows noisemakers*
Oh, really? by Matt Cipher on 2016-03-02 13:16:00 UTC Reply

Ekhm... GRAB THE CHAIR, BOYS! WE'VE GOT ANOTHER BUCKET-KICKER!

THIS TIME WE'RE PLAYING FOR THE GOD OF FEAR!

[HIT IT]

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death.

The cake is on the table,
And it is awfully bright,
'Cause there's so many candles on top.
But you are so decrepit,
Your chest so tight,
When you blow them out your lungs are gonna pop.

You cannot complain
Each time you feel a pain,
Though you have arthritis and gout.
'Cause when you start kvetching,
All your teeth fall out.

So have another cigarette,
Have another beer,
Raise your glass to one more year. (GONE!)

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death.

Your skin is so worn out and old,
All over your body it's sagging.
Especially loose is your old caboose,
You're dragging it behind you in a wagon.

Well, you're an alcoholic,
And you're blind and deaf,
And you have Alzheimer's I bet.
You're too old to remember,
But you're too drunk to forget.

So have another cigarette,
Have another beer,
Raise your glass to one more year. (GONE!)

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death.

You're so old you smell like dust,
And now your bones begin to rust.
See that face, it's full of wrinkles.

So have another cigarette,
Have another beer,
Raise that chair to one more year. (RAISE!)

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death.

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death.

Expand this post →
Aha! by Huinesoron on 2016-03-02 12:07:00 UTC Reply

... okay, so that was going to be a reference to an old Cadbury's advert:

A ha... a ha... a happy birthday to Phobos!

But unfortunately I ended up in children's literature instead:

Aha! Oho! A track in the snow!
Whose is this birthday? And where did they go?

Also, I feel I ought to discard all of the above and go for a Tolkien joke instead:

Happy birthday! And may your beard never grow thin!

The word 'beard' appears 38 times in The Hobbit.

Make of all this what you will.

hS

Expand this post →