Subject: A very good interlude.
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Posted on: 2016-01-20 19:02:00 UTC

It contained good amounts of both comedy and character-based moments (two things I always love to see). While I'm not normally a fan of the "person immediately starts acting dopey after seeing someone they are attracted to" trope, it really works in this situation for two reasons:
— Ilraen has definitely had his dopey moments before this; and
— As was made clear in the text, he had never seen a female of his species before.
Everything fits his character. It especially helps that their personalities clash so much. The story is funny and very well put-together. Kudos to both you and Iximaz.

I only have two little sticking points. The first is regarding the occasional shifts to omniscient perspective. Most of the story seems to be third person limited-omniscient; that is to say, taken from Ilraen's point of view and involving his thoughts. That made the very brief shifts where the audience could see Farilan's thoughts and feelings feel awkward to me. I would argue that this story would be a bit sharper had it been entirely focused on either Ilraen or Farilan.

I also felt that the opening paragraph was a bit clumsy considering that pretty much everything it said about Ilraen's project was repeated later in the story by Ilraen himself. I would argue that saying he was working on the CAD is all that needed to be explained in that opening.

Other than that, I thought this was very good. I look forward to more stories.

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