Subject: Checking in to say I read this (and liked it).
Author:
Posted on: 2016-01-20 12:12:00 UTC
No brain for actual comments, but it seems rude not to at least say it's been read.
hS
Subject: Checking in to say I read this (and liked it).
Author:
Posted on: 2016-01-20 12:12:00 UTC
No brain for actual comments, but it seems rude not to at least say it's been read.
hS
I've been looking forward this one. ^_^
"First Sight" - In which Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill meets Farilan-Haothil-Esthine.
Co-written with Iximaz, naturally. We hope you enjoy!
~Neshomeh
It contained good amounts of both comedy and character-based moments (two things I always love to see). While I'm not normally a fan of the "person immediately starts acting dopey after seeing someone they are attracted to" trope, it really works in this situation for two reasons:
— Ilraen has definitely had his dopey moments before this; and
— As was made clear in the text, he had never seen a female of his species before.
Everything fits his character. It especially helps that their personalities clash so much. The story is funny and very well put-together. Kudos to both you and Iximaz.
I only have two little sticking points. The first is regarding the occasional shifts to omniscient perspective. Most of the story seems to be third person limited-omniscient; that is to say, taken from Ilraen's point of view and involving his thoughts. That made the very brief shifts where the audience could see Farilan's thoughts and feelings feel awkward to me. I would argue that this story would be a bit sharper had it been entirely focused on either Ilraen or Farilan.
I also felt that the opening paragraph was a bit clumsy considering that pretty much everything it said about Ilraen's project was repeated later in the story by Ilraen himself. I would argue that saying he was working on the CAD is all that needed to be explained in that opening.
Other than that, I thought this was very good. I look forward to more stories.
Your responses are much appreciated. {= D
I confess I'm a little overwhelmed by the vehemence of your sympathy for Ilraen, though. I mean... I know it's kinda like kicking a puppy, but he's gonna be okay, I promise. ^_^; And you don't need to hate Farilan all that much. She's going through rather a lot of culture shock, y'know.
~Neshomeh
Oh my god, poor Ilraen.
(And Nume, for that matter.)
Even though Andalites in general unnerve me a bit. Am I a speciesist? Prolly. Uh-oh. Badgrace is bad and needs to go on another diversity training course. =[
No brain for actual comments, but it seems rude not to at least say it's been read.
hS
Ilraen, forget her please, she's so not worth it.
Alex, your intern is still a brat. Please do your duty as a drill sargeant. Break. Her. And make sure she has to fetch a cocoa several times, until she can bring it while it's still fresh.
I would ask to Nume to show her a glimpse of 'you-know-what', but unfortunately, I'm sure there is laws against that.
Because that's how I feel about the guy right now! Well, Nume figured the whole thing our rather quickly, and it definitely summarizes my own reaction. :D
I thought you were calling for me/Ilraen slash for a very brief moment.
I'm gonna say 'nay'.
Love it. Poor Ilraen - I await Farilan's ensuing misfortune, and hope nobody gets too badly hurt in the process. Although it seems like her ego could go through a Category Five hurricane and still be the size of the Chrysler Building...
Also, Nume was priceless.
I don't know how you did such a good job conveying the sheer awkwardness of the situation, but you did it.
I am now patiently waiting for Farilan's comeuppance.