Subject: The man rubbed his neck.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-12-23 14:53:00 UTC
"No, not really," he said. "I was attacked by a puppy that looked suspiciously like Madolche Cruffssant. Oh, and birds that look like Furbies on cutesy steroids. The name's Dor, by-the-way." He sat down, switching his rifle's safety to 'safe'.
[12/21/2012: 12:01 AM]
Elise rubbed her eyes as the clock next to her bed flicked to the new day. "Well, I'm pretty sure I'm not dead. Darn. Guess the Apocalypse got cancelled," she muttered. Internally, she debated whether it was worth leaving her room to get a snack. With a groan and a muttered appreciation for the vacation starting tomorrow, uh, today, she plodded out of her room and downstairs to the kitchen, taking care not to wake up her parents. She quietly walked over to the refrigerator, and stopped dead.
Standing on top of the kitchen table stood a - thing. It looked like a plushie on whatever the adorable version of steroids were, with the creative design of a six-year-old. It looked cute and cuddly and had bows on its rabbit ears. It had also somehow transformed the rather-worn kitchen table into a, well, cute version. The tabletop shone like gold (was it shedding sparkles?), a pristine doily-esque tablecloth lay on top, and sparkly ribbons dotted the edges. With a tiny squeak, the creature jumped off the table, walking towards Elise, and where it stepped, the floor turned into pink-tinted marble.
Elise may have been half-asleep, but she wasn't really sure if she wanted to be touched by that thing - heck, she wasn't really sure if she was even awake. She slowly walked over to the cutlery drawers, keeping an eye on the approaching thing. When she reached in, the thing sped up, the marble spreading out from its footsteps, extending out to begin touching the drawers (immediately they began to look like an old-timey tea cabinet, or at least Elise's Disney-inspired ideas of what tea cabinets looked like). Elise yelped, yanking out a steak knife and throwing it at the thing.
Of course, her experience with throwing knives was limited to tossing them in drawers. The steak knife clattered onto the marble, and the thing picked it up with its little stub-paws. Immediately it changed, the metal becoming white and shiny, the hilt changing to pink, with little gold curly bits and pink bows. Elise still thought it looked uncomfortably sharp as the thing began to speed up, waving the blade at her.
Elise grabbed a pair of cooking knives, trying to stare down the thing as it approached. With a tiny, squeaky yell, it jumped at her, leaping in front of her face. Elise bit back a yell as it suddenly rushed to six inches in front of her eyes, swinging wildly at it with the knives. She didn't even hit it very hard, but the thing had less mass than a pillow and went slamming against the opposite wall... which promptly began to turn a happy pink. Elise grimaced, readjusting her hold on the knives, before trying to run-without-actually-running over to the fallen plush. It looked up, apparently still winded, but before it could try and move she slammed her foot down on it.
When her slipper changed from a worn, once-purple piece of cloth to a fluffy pink bunny-shaped one, she realized her mistake, backing up to tear it off her foot. The apparently still dizzied creature leaped, but it was slower than before, and Elise swung her knife at it, impaling it onto the wall, where it seemed to begin deflating, a thin stream of glittery pink liquid leaking out from it.
When it seemed dead enough, Elise yanked her knife out of the wall, trying to rub the blood off on her shirt (and staining it with pink, unfortunately.) She sighed as the adrenaline that'd been keeping her from falling asleep began to wear off, and she realized what she'd been doing. "This is either the weirdest dream ever, or I've gone and snapped," she muttered, looking for a chair, when the floor under her began to move. It seemed to twist, almost, and before she even realized what was happening, Elise fell through, her knives miraculously not landing on her as she landed on the floor of some new area. "What the..." she muttered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, with all the apocalypse stuff going around, I figure we could do an Apocalyptic RPG. Of course, as you've probably gathered, it's not really a normal one - the Apocalypse of Cuteness. CAFs of various kinds have begun invading, transforming all they touch into a maelstrom of cloying cuteness. Our characters (not PPC Agents, though they could be counterparts to them) are gathered by an entity/organization opposed to the invasion, and must defend the world from the oncoming cute by any means necessary - mad science, our character's cuteness, large guns, superpowers, what-have-you. And remember to have fun!
Caroline's eyes fluttered open reluctantly as an odd scratching at her bedroom door dragged her away from a spectacular dream about giant chocolate bunnies. Grumbling, the sleep-deprived teenager rolled onto her belly, dropping her arm over the edge of the bed to snatch her cell phone from the floor (she briefly considered adding a nightstand to her Christmas list, only to remember a beat later that having one would only add to the clutter in her room). After turning it on and letting her eyes adjust to the sudden light, she glanced at the time on the phone's display and tossed it back onto the floor with a groan.
For a moment she wondered what her pets could possibly want so early in the morning - her cell phone was rather clearly displaying the time as being 12:02 AM. Then, with a sigh, the teenager hauled herself up, slipped her slippers on (the only downside she could see to having all hardwood floors was that they got so bloody cold in the winter), and finally went to open her bedroom door.
As she did, she was greeted by a high-pitched, incredibly cute-sounding chirp. Surprised - cats didn't make quite that sound - Caroline looked down to see what looked like a Furby come to life. The thing was bright yellow with a white tummy and an orange beak and feet. It stared up at Caroline with large, blue eyes and chirped again, flapping its little wings like a happy, newly-hatched penguin chick.
"That... 's friggin' adorable," Caroline mumbled, still not entirely sure if she was awake.
The little Furby thing chirped again and waddled towards her, flapping its stubby little wings as though it wanted a hug. Caroline reached down to pick it up - and noticed just in time that the little fuzzy thing had turned her hardwood floors into ultra-plush, Pepto-pink carpeting wherever its feet touched the floor.
"Ho, hey, hang on, little fella," Caroline said, backing away again. "Yer spreadin' the cute around a bit, there. You contagious or somethin'?"
The Furby chirped again and began waddling faster, blinking rapidly as Caroline nearly fell rump-over-heels over a half-unpacked box of books.
"I really need to unpack the rest of my stuff," Caroline grumbled as she staggered around behind her bed. The Furby thing was still coming, turning everything it touched cute. Her sleeping bag (which needed to be rolled up and put away)? Pink and white, with gold princess-y writing all over it. Her cell phone? Hot pink with white and black hearts everywhere. Her necklaces, all silver chains with (she thought) medieval-y designed pendants? Gold chains dripping with cutesy doggy, kitty, lovey charms.
"Go away, you little freaky cute thing!" Caroline snapped. "Quit make my stuff cute! I mean," she added, backing up again as it crawled across the bed towards her, "I like cute things, but I'm more a swords-and-shining-knights kinda girl, you know?"
the Furby thing chirped again and picked up part of a curtain rod from the floor near Caroline's feet (seriously, why hadn't she unpacked and stowed everything yet?) As the stunned teenager watched, the curtain rod turned sparkling white; the end of the rod became a fluffy pink cotton ball, and dripped with gold and white ribbon and strings of red, heart-shaped beads.
"Oh, great," Caroline grumbled, "And now you're armed."
"Yah," the Furby chirped, waving its baton threateningly.
Caroline waited a second longer; just as the Furby pulled back to take a swing at her with the baton, she dove across her bed, landed in a heap on the (thankfully) now-plushy floor, and them scrambled out of her bedroom and slammed the door shut.
"That little jerk turned my door pink!" Caroline snapped. "Oh, Im'ma make me cutie stew..."
Something grabbed the door handle from inside the room and started trying to force the door open. Figuring she was better off getting armed than waiting out the adorable abomination, Caroline turned and bolted for the garage, hoping she could get to the gun safe before she was cutiefied.
Behind her, the Furby thing had thrown the door open and waddled menacingly out into the house, swinging its baton like a miniature, adorable law enforcement officer of evil as it began a methodical search for its victim.
It had searched - and cutiefied - two bedrooms and a bathroom, and had begun to do the same with a third bedroom when--
*KBLAM*
Caroline squeaked and jumped back, her rifle still aimed at the hot pink pile of glitter and stained yellow feathers that was all that remained of the adorable little terror.
"Cuteness explodes?" Caroline muttered to herself after a moment. "Guess that kinda makes sense..."
At that moment, something grabbed the back of Caroline's nightshirt, and she was dragged, screaming, bedraggled, and still clutching her rifle, through what should have been the linen closet in her hallway.
She landed with a thump on a different floor in a room that most certainly did not exist in her house. Still clutching her gun - though being careful to keep the barrel pointed up to the ceiling - she slowly stood up and took a disbelieving look around.
"What the hell...?" she wondered, blinking rapidly as though she'd been smacked between the eyes.
Elise cursed as something or someone slammed into the floor (if that was what it was) next to her. She grabbed at her knives, squinting through her glasses at the new arrival - and, with a bit more trepidation, at the new arrival's rifle. She hesitantly put the one in her left hand down, and poked carefully at the girl. "I swear, if this gets me infected with cute-itis... Hey! You awake?" She hissed, snapping her hand back to grab at the knife if the girl decided to try and shoot her.
Caroline flinched and spun around, just a touch too startled to, say... aim the gun at what could have been a very large Furby thing, for all she knew.
"Uh, yes?" Caroline asked in response to her bespectacled companion's question. "I mean, I think I am, but I just shot - and blew up - a giant, apparently conscious Furby thing wielding a fluffy baton, so I'm still kind of hoping I'm asleep." She narrowed her eyes, peering at her pajama-and-slippers-clad - er, slipper (why was she only wearing one?) - companion through her own glasses.
"You aren't in league with the cuties," she asked suspiciously, "are you?"
Helen was woken by a strange chirping sound coming from her wardrobe. Fervently wishing she played some sort of sport that involved heavy bats, she picked up her pillow to use as a shield and flung the wardrobe door open. A bright pink bird with alarmingly huge eyes peered up at her.
With a cooing sound it spread its wings and crashed straight into the pillow Helen had raised. Said pillow twisted into a heart shape and blurred into baby blue.
Helen dropped it and glared at the bird which had landed on her previously plain lampshade, which was now sparkly yellow and covered in swaying tassels. "What have you done to my clothes?" Helen snapped, now staring in horror at the pink filled interior of the wardrobe.
Helen grabbed the heaviest book in her room, a hardback copy of the Complete Works of Lewis Carroll, and launched it at the bird. It hit and continued, taking the bird and the lampshade through the window, which briefly became frosted before shattering.
By the time the bird struggled back up to the window, helen had vanished.
Elise blinked. "Uh, no. I kinda pinned one to my wall with a knife. And anyways, wouldn't that have transformed you?" she asked, being grimacing. "Ugh. Don't even want to think about what that would be like. So what's your name?"
"You... make a decent point," Caroline admitted sheepishly. She sifted her hold on the rifle, settling it barrel-up in her left arm as she extended her right hand for a handshake. "I'm Caroline. Who're you?"
“LZ is hot!” came a shout from above the girls, and a few seconds afterwards, someone broke through the ceiling and landed near them, showering them with plaster, small pieces of concrete and other assorted bits and pieces.
After the dust cleared, they could see a man – he seemed to be in his early twenties – wearing a brown, shabby longcoat, sporting a ginger-coloured goatee and black eyeglasses, and holding an M-16A1 rifle. “Oh, hey,” he said. “Am I the only one who was attacked by-”
He cut himself short as something pink shot toward them from the hole he entered the building through; raising his rifle, he aimed and fired, causing a rain of pink, glitter-studded feathers to land on him and the girls. Removing the empty clip from the assault rifle and inserting a new one which he took from one of his coat's pockets, he turned to the girls again. “As I've said: hey there.”
There was a pop of displaced air from behind the two girls who were staring at the guy and a teenager with short, messy brown hair wearing pyjamas appeared.
Elise very carefully put her knives in her left hand, shaking Caroline's hand as she kept an eye on the two new arrivals. "Elise. So, let me guess, something attacked you too?" She asked, turning to the newest arrival. " And does anyone have any idea where we are or if more of those things can track us here?"
"Yeah - a large, conscious Furby thing. Really cute, at least until it grabbed what used to be half a curtain rod and tried to murder or cutiefy me." The teenager shook her head, then turned to the two newcomers and raised her free hand in greeting.
"Good to meet y'all," she told them with a grin. "And even better to see you haven't been cutiefied!"
"Yeah... Mine was this teddy-bear sort of thing, with rabbit ears. Turned half my kitchen into a tea party, then grabbed a steak knife and tried to stab me in the face. Though, uh, apparently if you manage to stab them hard enough they can't turn whatever you do it with into a Lisa Frank version," She said, gesturing at her knives. "So, do either of you have any ideas on, well, any of this?"
"No, not really," he said. "I was attacked by a puppy that looked suspiciously like Madolche Cruffssant. Oh, and birds that look like Furbies on cutesy steroids. The name's Dor, by-the-way." He sat down, switching his rifle's safety to 'safe'.
"Ok... Um, to get back to my original question, where are we and can those this follow us back here? Did you get teleported to the floor above us?" Elise asked.
"I can't really remember," Dor said. "I was sleeping, mind you, then I heard barks, and saw that puppy thing. At first, I just tried to kick it away - I'm allergic, you know - but when my slipper turned pink and furry, I shot it with this." He patted the M16. "The puppy kinda exploded, spreading glittery muck everywhere, and, well, I somehow ended up there." He pointed upwards through the hole.
"Oh." Elise frowned, and began walking in a random direction. "Well, then, I guess we'd better look for a way out... Also, I don't want to go everywhere carrying these knives, so if anyone has anything I can use for that I'd be really - ow!" She stopped walking, and saw that for some reason a pedestal of some kind stood at about waist level in front of her. "Uh. So, you guys,
should I just poke this or something?"
Yeah, not really sure myself what they are - probably some kind of exposition or superpower giving thing of some kind, but other than that...
"So," she started, switching the safety on her rifle to 'on' and sliding the strap over her shoulder. "You've been awful quiet up until now. I'm Caroline - who are you?"
((Uhm... I was kind of hoping you had some kind of idea, fire. Maybe they're... Hmm...
Can they be aliens or something? Or talking koalas? DUDE, taking koalas! They can be like, 'These cute things are making a mockery of cuteness! THEY MUST DIE.'
Or something.))
"Helen, there was this bird thing," she replied. "I guess something sent me - us here."
"I got yanked through what should have been a solid closet with solid bedding and solid towels, with a solid wall for a back!"
The teenager gave an annoyed grunt and added, "Whoever it is, they need to learn some manners!"
((So like, I was totally joking about the talking koalas - unless that's what everyone else wants to go with. Blame the B-complex vitamins I've been taking...))
((Can the not-PPC characters be gathered from several different continua, or do these all have to be from World One?
...
Actually, never mind, it's author!Caroline's time to whine shine! BRING IT, CAFS!))
((Probably better to use World One or World One adjacent - no reason not to use a character who, I don't know, uses magic before the CAF invasion, as long as their magic a) doesn't contradict anything in what's already been established as this RPG's world, and b) isn't a rip-off of magic from other continua. Does that help?))
So, my character can't be an android or something?
Well, they COULD be, as long as it was consistent with what's been established - World One-like being invaded by CAFs. An android could fit, I suppose, as long as androids are not widespread, or the android is a time traveler, or a secret creation of a Mad Scientist genius, or something... Just explain the android's presence, and I think it'll work out fine!
((Yes, that's very helpful. Thankies!))