Subject: May I present to you wtf fanfiction's lists(Nsfw)
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Posted on: 2015-12-20 19:50:00 UTC
Here is a list of ways genitals have been described.
Including a phrase I found myself called "Ninja growing rod"
Here is a list of things used for lube and condoms that shouldn't be used for Lube or condoms.
This list includes "Werewolf spit with magical lubricating properties" and "(Apple) pie filling"
The inaccurate portrayal of certain body parts.
The thing is, I saw one Chinese yaoi fanfic today on a forum, and the description of the smut scenes gave me a very.......interesting mental image.
"exposing his petite pink flower"
FLOWER?
Yep, it may bear some similarity, but soon, this weird description of the body part in question appeared.
"slender fingers slowly explored the eye of his flowers, and the shy little petals shivered slightly under the cold touch."
PETALS?! PETALS?! PETALS?! For the love of YALDABAOTH, what the [DATA EXPUNGED]is that thing?
This is definitelt not right, and I keep getting mental images of some types of marine invertebrates when I tried to imagine that......thing described in the fic. The final bizarre description did nothing but reinforce it.
"Sweet nectar started to ooze out of his hole."
NECTAR. This fic really has some unnatural fetishs over flowers. Maybe we should get a Flower to look at that.
By the way, if someone had seen similar fics that created such a grotesque mental image, feel free to share. Sometimes Bad Slash really get a little too creative with their metaphors and descriptions.
This story here is a bit better than most in regards to horrible metaphors, but it still has some moments. 'Velociraptor love Tabasco' really stands out. Oh, and I do remember something about a 'purple shotgun' but that's all I've got off the top of my head. If, for some reason of questionable sanity, you want to read this thing, here it is (Jurassic Park, btw):
http://www.jamesleffler.com/2012/04/11/root-her/
Here is a list of ways genitals have been described.
Including a phrase I found myself called "Ninja growing rod"
Here is a list of things used for lube and condoms that shouldn't be used for Lube or condoms.
This list includes "Werewolf spit with magical lubricating properties" and "(Apple) pie filling"
Got me laughing like a maniac and attract attention from my parents.
DNA guns, purple mushrooms and Slendick.Oh gosh.
*shudders*
As far as unfortunate imagery goes, I've noticed that a lot of bad slash authors like to describe a certain body part with phrases like, 'chocolate hole' and 'delicate brown starfish.' I have absolutely no idea why.
And then there's Celebrian (what with the... lavender bits), but we don't talk about that.
"Chocolate love stars"and "Cock of fury".
Lavender body part is one classic jewel.
I once read on TV Tropes of a Kingdom Hearts badfic (trollfic? crackfic? IDK) which described someone's lower-deck plumbing, if you know what I mean, looking like a Koosh ball. Try getting that out of your head. O_o