My usual nitpicks by
Hieronymus Graubart
on 2015-10-14 11:10:00 UTC
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Des sighed. He stroked Khatalelet’s back, muttering under his breath.
Who is Khatalelet? The fire-lizard’s name apparently is "Khataltelet".
Doctor who the mini-Reaper screeched a greeting in reply and began to gesticulate widely.
I can see some sense in gesticulating widely, but I’m not entirely sure whether you didn’t intent to write "wildly".
... fortunately, Anakin, Obi-Wan and Jenna have already left the elevator, so they didn’t hear him complain.
Should be "had" (past perfect).
HG
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Memories by
Pippa's Ghost
on 2015-10-13 19:57:00 UTC
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I would've enjoyed this mission except there were twontimes when you said Time Lords had perfect memories. The first time I forced myself to ignore it, but the second time had me literally shouting at the screen. (My throat is now sore, and my cat is terrified.)
Anyway, just look at the trouble the first Doctor had remembering Ian Chesterton's surname. (And that wasn't deliberate teasing, because he still had trouble getting it right talking to himself after Ian had left.)
Then there's the second Doctor's famous line about the Daleks: "I know the misery they cause, the destruction. But there's something else more terrible, something I can only half remember."
In case you think this only applies to the Doctor, just look how absent-minded the Time Lords are in "The Deadly Assassin". They've even forgotten most of their own history.
This also continues into the new stuff. Look at all the effort it takes before the Doctor finally recalls the planet Raxacoricofallapatorius in "World War 3".
And, of course, Time Lord memories can also be temporarily wiped by Timey-wimey stuff, as in "Trial of a Time Lord" and "Day of the Doctor". (Maybe Time Lord agents should get temporary amnesia when fics have timeskips or tense shifts!)
So, while I can imagine the Librarian promoting the myth of Time Lords having perfect memories, Des should've challenged him on it. ("Did you forget how easily your people forget things?")
Uh...
Sorry, for ranting on like that, but I can get a bit obsessive about Classic Who. The rest of the mission was good.
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Great job. by
Hardric
on 2015-10-13 15:40:00 UTC
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It's good seeing more of fleshy Desdendelle, and his reaction to the LMM mess, and being sent in such a stupid mess. Would he happen to be interested by some White dragon tea? (Oh, the crest on the boxes? Well, it's not exactly as if Hou-Ting can complain now, right?)
As for the Librarian... *begins whacking his head with my canne* I'll let you know that even a single live of the "faker", especially her human one, is worth all of your thirteen wastes of oxygen.
(Seriously, this guy is always so fun to dislike, and I'm really curious of what thing he showed to the Reader to earn her pity like this, hope you'll write this.)
Congratulations! by
eatpraylove
on 2015-10-13 14:19:00 UTC
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A Star Wars/Doctor Who crossover sounds like it could go any number of interesting/awesome places. It's such a shame that characters like her have to muck it all up.
It's also a shame that Des is all broken up over Rina's death/disappearance/whatever the heck happened. Would some Bleepolate and a hug help? *politely hugs agent!Des* *also smacks the Librarian for being a jackass*
So Rina's a "faker," is she? by
Tira
on 2015-10-13 13:58:00 UTC
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The Librarian's going to start calling people mongrels next, if he hasn't already.
On the subject of the actual mission, good job. It's very solid, and it's nice to see the Librarian be slightly less of an ass. He might not care much for Rina, but I do think he likes Des, at least on some level.