Subject: A few notes and a review
Author:
Posted on: 2017-07-18 17:13:00 UTC
Stream-of-consciousness notes:
- I'm liking the concept of Targir
- The pre-mission "bunch of agents complaining about work" is nice
- I've never seen the console changing the fic before, but I can't see why it wouldn't happen
- The bit about not threatening the authors is a good touch
- "... the bombs were no less deadly" was a somewhat funny line
- The agents slipping into the present subjective is a neat variation on the usual present tense gag
- "Now she has a point to her." Good bit.
- Wait, what's going on with the DORKS ... oh , É and S did a thing and are parents now. It'll be interesting to see where this goes
- Showing canon being back to normal at the end like that is good
General review:
This was rather good overall, and there were a bunch of funny and clever bits. However, one complaint I have is that it feels like there should be a tiny bit more mission in the mission (snark, the occasional badfic quote, etc.). I didn't get as good a sense of the fic as I usually do, even though I've still figured out generally why it's bad.
Speaking of subjective complains, it seems like the "I just found out I'm pregnant" bit could use a bit more narrative weight. That seems like a really important event in the story, but it doesn't even get a paragraph to itself, or much description at all. Makes the revelation a bit underwhelming (unless it wasn't meant to be a revelation, and was supposed to be a normal-ish thing, in which case ignore this comment)
- Tomash