Subject: Oops.
Author:
Posted on: 2017-07-17 16:39:00 UTC
Yes, that's it.
Subject: Oops.
Author:
Posted on: 2017-07-17 16:39:00 UTC
Yes, that's it.
Well, that's a quick palate-cleanser of a mission. Storm got her wish.
But speaking of Steormægð,
SPOILERS INCOMING
SPOILERS INCOMING
how come she could not change back? Wouldn't the embryo become human if she resumed human form? And (unless you plan to reveal this later) what will become of the baby once it's born?
There are two spots where I am unsure if it's a typo or deliberate, namely, these:
1) as the world fade around them momentarily
(IMO, I really think that it should be "faded" here to clarify what's going on)
2) The present subjunctive make another fleeting appearance,
Stream-of-consciousness notes:
- I'm liking the concept of Targir
- The pre-mission "bunch of agents complaining about work" is nice
- I've never seen the console changing the fic before, but I can't see why it wouldn't happen
- The bit about not threatening the authors is a good touch
- "... the bombs were no less deadly" was a somewhat funny line
- The agents slipping into the present subjective is a neat variation on the usual present tense gag
- "Now she has a point to her." Good bit.
- Wait, what's going on with the DORKS ... oh , É and S did a thing and are parents now. It'll be interesting to see where this goes
- Showing canon being back to normal at the end like that is good
General review:
This was rather good overall, and there were a bunch of funny and clever bits. However, one complaint I have is that it feels like there should be a tiny bit more mission in the mission (snark, the occasional badfic quote, etc.). I didn't get as good a sense of the fic as I usually do, even though I've still figured out generally why it's bad.
Speaking of subjective complains, it seems like the "I just found out I'm pregnant" bit could use a bit more narrative weight. That seems like a really important event in the story, but it doesn't even get a paragraph to itself, or much description at all. Makes the revelation a bit underwhelming (unless it wasn't meant to be a revelation, and was supposed to be a normal-ish thing, in which case ignore this comment)
- Tomash
Is this document what you meant to link to? (If so, you left the = off the href)
- Tomash