Department of Analytical Science

Flowering Leek

Journal of Investigating Veracity by Experimentation

As well as edits to existing pages as needed, such as the DMSE&R page and the Complete List of PPC Fiction. This work is not nearly finished; if you see something out of date anywhere on the wiki, please fix it!

And since I realize I haven't actually said this yet, I enjoy all of this and support it and want it to continue. {= )

~Neshomeh

Um, yeah. This is amazing, and I don't think I could have executed this idea given five years of writing time. I would gush more, but I need to get this typed out in the hour before I leave for work, so let's go.

Editorials
Actually, backing up, I just figured out the title is the scientists saying that are now mad scientists, where they weren't before. Clever!

I like that you manage to get across the personality difference between the Flowers within the bare-bones paragraphs of an editorial column. Love the little Thistle signature you made, too, in color even!

The Leek calls itself a "Leak," though.

Flashpatch
I like that the departmental flashpatch's watermelon gets divided into slices for the divisions. I like the pseudo-characterization you give all the ants to fit them, too.

Cladogram
Haven't actually started the Young Wizards series yet, but I've osmosised some stuff about it from you and Nesh talking about it on the Board. I love the implication here that the Manual represents such a universal good that even characters from other universes can be chosen to follow it.

Yeah, I've never really thought the family tree idea worked for Suvians, and a lot of the Latin names made over the years feel pretty half baked.

On #27 in both versions of the chart, the "terrible" is missing the opening quotation mark.

Stellar
I really like that you use one of the papers to address the idea that science can't necessarily answer everything, especially when limited by the minds and experiences of those performing it. And also the fact that different worlds have different laws, and that the same science isn't guaranteed to work multiverse-wide.

The ending is incredibly PPC to me, in light of the above; continuing to work together in spite of differences.

Narrativium
This was a bit hard to follow due to chemistry being my un-subject, but I do appreciate that you haven't reduced narrativium to an ordinary solid matter. I especially loved the puns inherent in the extractions.

The Rose
When I started reading this, I was excited by the incoming Dark Tower reference . . . but then it wasn't. So I got confused. Is this meant to be an Ardan native's take on TDT's rose? Or was this a separate concept in Tolkien's writings? Or a joke about the center of the universe being shaped like a d20?

Anyway, the formal-sounding Tolkien style in which Norlossë writes lends itself especially well to a scientific publication.

Cannibal
I liked that this got set up by an allusion in one of the earlier stories. Also fun was the callback to "Woodsprite of the North."

Under Sue #1, was the use of "DMSE&R" rather than "DAS" intentional?

Cookbook
The taste metaphors of the review types are quite thoughtful and funny.

As a person who constantly complains about the food culture in my own country, I especially appreciate that the animal agent doesn't comprehend the concept of eating fancy foods for enjoyment. Because no, zoo guest, I don't need to refill that animal's empty food bowl, because the food is measured out to be a day's worth of nutrients, and animals that have food in front of them all day will overeat and get fat, because eating is for survival, not for fun, and you don't get to tell me how to take care of wild animals, suburbanite.

Archaeology
Not much to say here, other than I appreciate the choice of species for this forced split-up gag. I was wondering why you wanted a train agent . . .

Ancillary Canons
I really love your interpretation of how agents of different backgrounds might look at this topic. The note the story ends on is especially nice, allowing that the work the PPC does is bigger than defining what's "real."

This one phrase seems to have an extra/missing word in it? "Containing a radically different view of Middle-earth's nature early days to that seen in the Silmarillion . . ."

Generic Surface
The escalating argument communicated via scientific paper is hilarious and well executed.

I most especially like that you managed to avoid actually describing much about generic surface; after all, the whole point of the stuff is that it's hard to describe! I suspect the scientists' squabble was engineered by Legal to ensure generic surface remains generic . . .

Oh, interesting theory about the light, too. After all, with no visible light sources, the light in HQ must come from the generic surface, yeah?

Suvian Biology
. . . This paper, in particular, must have been an hours-long time sink for you. I can't even imagine going through all those different writings and working out all the different species. The tables alone . . . wow.

You spelled Cocoa Puff's name as "Cocao" both times it appears.

I am sorry for not being as detailed as I usually am, but I'm covering days for my lead keeper's vacation this week, and the only way I could get this written out was to squeeze it in between shifts. I apologize for any mistakes I made in rushing to type this. I also have some letters to the editor in mind, but they'll need to wait for a separate post, as I need to leave in eleven minutes, and haven't brushed teeth yet.

—doctorlit, eating breakfast for the nutrients, not because he likes to eat breakfast

Something is apparently wrong with time flow in HQ. I am quite sure that I cannot have known agent Hieronymus for more than six weeks. We spent most of this time in the Third and Fourth PPC HQ Hunger Games and on missions, and I remember every single day of it. But the Third Hunger Games started in January 2016 HST and now it is July 2017. How can this be? I think this should be investigated by your scientists.

Sincerely yours,

Androia Avatar, DMS-HP

To the editors of the Journal of Investigating Veracity by Experimentation;

First off, I—what? Why are you reading over my shoulder?

Yes, I'm typing this out verbatim, what of it?

I suppose that is a valid point. Very well. First off, we must congratulate you on the establishment of what we are sure will become a most respectable publication. The PPC has been in need of a reputable scientific journal for far too long. While admittedly lacking in some areas, DAS-JIVE will no doubt fill a needed gap and help to bolster the development of pan-fictional scientific development for years to come.

That being said, I must personally confess to some confusion. As one of the preeminent PPC experts on cross-canonical technology development and artificial intelligence, I must question why I—and my team, I suppose—was not approached regarding this publishing. I have to assume this was some sort of oversight, and not some form of subtle retribution for the incident with the DAS coffee maker. As I explained both at the time and to the Thistle and Flowering Leek later, I had no knowledge of what the interns were doing and did not approve the installation of that additional piping.

In any case, my team and I look forward to the next issue.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Daphne St. Auguste (Sc.D., Ph.D.), DoSAT-T&A
(Also both Tess Jachowicz and Naas'Gehlen vas Headquarters, who were reading over my shoulder and offering comments during the writing of this letter. Your additions have been noted, now please go file your reports.)

((OOC: So I really enjoyed this concept of yours, and will post some more in-depth thoughts later. But reading the various reports brought these three back into my head, so I decided to do a brief silly thing first. —PC ))

That - all of it - was bloody great. I consumed it. Devoured it. Shoved it down my eye-gullets. As an introduction to the department and story type and... science, it was really bloody good! There's a lot of really fascinating, real deep sort've stuff explored throughout (even for a non-sciencey dope like me), but it always remains very entertaining and bloody funny. Mandy and Wei-Ling killed me, as did Laduquac's bits. And also what I presume to be the Thistle's little ASCII self-picture -|-cx. I approve of that. I saw your sort of, picking apart of the gag with the flashpatches and their designs, and that's brilliant, that (but you can still tell them apart! Eyyyy!) I was really wondering where the big mad scientist fellows had gotten to in HQ, and, ey, there they are!

I will admit to preferring the more 'story-ish' bits over the purely 'report-ish' bits- 'The Trials and Triumphs of Ancillary Canons,' while certainly still an interesting and fascinating read, was somewhat dull, compared to the ones with more sort of agent hijinks, y'know? Especially considering how well you do agent hijinks! But perhaps that is more of a personal thing - I would probably, by default, enjoy character hijinks over an in-universe scientific report - not that the concept of an in-universe scientific report isn't bloody good and that that sort've stuff should be done less, or any such. Anyhow, you get a real good sense of what each division does, and what all the characters are like, from each story, and they're all just so different, in terms of structure and all. And, yes, bloody well yes do I want to read more of them!
It's just, good grief, this must've taken a bloody long time to do!

So, how about, ah. Some sort of study into Generic Food? What's it made of? Does it taste the same across continua? If it doesn't, what are the differences and what causes them? What's it made of?

I imagine an attempt into studying the nature of irony in HQ would be the sort of thing they would try, too, with probable emphasis on the 'attempt' and 'try' bits of that. Just how far can you try to exploit irony in HQ? What are the limits of its reality bending capabilities? How many layers of irony on top of irony can you have before things get really weird? Or, er, some such. That all might be a touch vague.

*squirrels away for future reading*

Please please please can we come up with a pun so we can have a division called DAS-BOOT?

First, this is an awesome concept (and also ties in with a few ideas I had, but I'll get to those later), and I really enjoyed reading these. They're clever and funny.

Secondly, if Ned oybjf uvf dhnagn va n znaare fvzvyne gb n pregnva pnaba ur'f pyrneyl na nyyhfvba gb (the rot13 is So You Want To Be A Wizard spoilers, more or less), I'll be vaguely unhappy. Also, how dare you remind me of that!

Thirdly, re: flashpatches: with the departmental one, basically-black on black doesn't wore very well for me. I'm effectively guessing if there's supposed to be an ant there or no. Similarly, more contrast on DAS-VOID and DAS-SQUEE's ants please? They're quite hard to see, let alone distinguish.

That being said, I like the descriptions of the patches and why they were chosen for each devision.

Fourthly, "You can't get much more negative than this, Professor." was a good line, though I will admit to skimming the technical bits (in the grand tradition of paper-readers everywhere)

(Intermission: "like unto those we have observes" -> "observed" in the conversation between Maria and Ned).

Fifthly, the whole Maria/Ned thing was fun reading. And Peregrin is currently demanding observatory access from somewhere near the back of my brain.

Sixthly, reading Anglish is painful. Writing it must have been more so. Thanks for not subjecting the wider PPC to an entire untranslated article.

Seventhly, interesting bit of multiverse theory there.

Eighthly, I'm liking the interplay between the papers around the fridge getting raided and the samples being eaten. Also, more Laduquac please.

Ninthly, the bit about salt was one of the best lines in the cookbook (which was good).

Tenthly, Joan and Durand have the "agent pair that rub each other the wrong way" dynamic going pretty well.

Eleventhly, Mandy really needs to start talking to Building Maintenance more.

Twelthly, the review article is rather appreciated (on an in-universe basis) because there's never enough of those.

Finally, expect RC #112358's reactions to this sometime soon-ish (given that it's a bit past midnight already)

... OK, that ended up being more than a few thoughts.

- Tomash

I never really thought about something like that inside the PPC before. But now I read it? I can't believe The PPC went for so long without something like that. In my book, it makes it a very good idea.

Now, quick question. Will DAS also look over problems and questions concerning magic, whatever it's a form of magic tied to tecnhology or not? Because I think there ideas to be found there.

I think you've put the cart before the horse, trying to start a Suvian family tree with Sues themselves. I would never go so far as to suggest that our respected members of the scientific community have simply been "classifying" Sues as an exercise in coming up with silly Latin names, of course, but as we all know, most Sues are pretty much like most other Sues, making separating them into "species" a daunting task at best. Thus, attempting to begin with their minor differences to each other is backward and ultimately fruitless.

Let us consider first the wider ecosystem of fiction.

Your biology departments may wish to collaborate with DAS-DAMP and DAS-VOID to explore the inherent issues involved in fitting Sues into a broader understanding of the multiverse, but for now, let's just take it for granted that classifying fictional entities is not like classifying biological entities. It is not particularly useful to look at how they interbreed, for instance, and anatomy and physiology aren't much help, either. Not even DNA can come to the rescue here.

Fictional characters, you see, are not classified by what they are, but rather by what they do, and more importantly, how they do it. Protagonist: hero: warrior. This character bravely faces challenges head-on to prove that good will always triumph over evil. Antagonist: villain: evil sorcerer. This character sneakily connives for their own ends regardless of collateral damage to others, pulling strings and manipulating events behind the scenes. Etc. I trust you see where I'm going with this, with reference to well-known character archetypes.

One must consider the character's prominence in the story: are they a main character? a supporting character? a background character? What separates these from each other? I would suggest that it has something to do with inherent narativium.

Now, once we understand the basics of classifying fictional characters in general, we can turn to the finer details of classifying fanfictional characters.

One important question I do not believe has yet been addressed is the ability of Suvians to become non-Suvian with time, and vice versa. If they are a separate species from other OCs, how is this possible? I assert that it isn't. All characters, canons, OCs, and Suvians, fit into the classification scheme I've referenced above; the difference between them lies in how destructive they are to the surrounding ecosystem of the canon. Suvians have often been compared to parasites, viruses, and other destructive organisms. That's getting close to the truth: Suvians are, in fact, diseased forms of the character archetypes we all know and love. A Suvian is a character infected and mutated by glitter. This is well substantiated by numerous anecdotes of regular characters becoming Sued after coming into contact with glitter, and Suvians becoming de-Sued when their glitter load is reduced. It is also well-known that a good character can possess all the same surface traits as a Suvian, and yet not be one. This is entirely due to glitter.

Therefore, in order to properly classify Suvians, we must look at them not as a species in their own right, but as normal character archetypes afflicted by particular forms of disease that warp and corrupt their nature. Only then can a useful classification system be achieved.

~Agent Neshomeh, Archivist, DoP

(( Good lord, that's a lot of words. I hope some of them make sense. I don't have a lot of time to refine this idea right now, unfortunately. ^_^; ))

Would any Agents be interested in investigating the "Event Horizon of Suedom" (picturing the impressions Suefluence leaves on the canon to be similar to how everything in reality leaves an impression on the fabric of the universe via gravity)? How many typos does it take to warp a Word World - taking them more from just irritants to Agents to malformations for Word Worlds to play with?

On another note, what happens if a Sue is de-Sueified within the fic? Are there any documented cases of such?

... But I'm enjoying this very much already!

(Also: an encounter with a Manual? Do tell. ;) )

I may be back later with ideas for questions.

Very interesting and well thought out! I'll admit, this came as a huge surprise to me, but it's a nice addition to the PPC. Having the new department be based in DMSE&R is a nice way of tying it back into the pre-existing (insofar as we have that) PPC canon, and I'm interested to see what else might come of this new department.

(I liked the Suvian Cladogram and inorganic cookbook pieces the best, though Laduquac's reactions to the Suvian meatstuffs had me simultaneously giggling and grossed out.)

Unfortunately, not being very scientifically inclined myself, I'm not really able to think of any questions that would make for a very good prompt, so I'll have to think on that for... probably a good long while.

All in all, though, I enjoyed this even though I didn't understand all of it and hope you'll do more with it in the future.

All giggling at puns aside, this is interesting! Reading the first issue now.