Heeeeey so. For a long while now, I was kind of obsessed with my archival project, and haven't been reading new missions. I'm trying to dial back the monomania, and get back to writing my own PPC work, and also start reviewing newly published stories again. This unfortunately means that for some Boarders, I'm jumping back into their spin-offs "mid-season" with no idea what's gone on since I went coo-coo for archive-puffs, including yours, Skarm. So the following reviews are from that point of view. Sorry for any complaint or confusion on my part that stems from that.
Additionally, due to time constraints of work shifts, I read both of these interludes at work and wrote out notes about stuff I wanted to mention, based on something I saw in the beta workshop. Sorry if this makes my reviews a bit patchy, but it was the only way I could get this done during the work week.
"Illogic Bomb"
My favorite part of this story was the framing flashbacks taking place during Velociripper's origin badfic. In addition to their base value of making a "share my backstory" story more interesting and unique, I really like the way you present them. I loved the opening scene with Doctor Wu, especially with him being as in character as you write him. Its quite fun for a canon character to "guest star" in an interlude! I appreciate the explanations for why the park's dinosaurs are anatomically incorrect, too. I also liked the juxtaposition of Wu's correct grammar with Tanya's spelling errors, hinting that there's a bit of canon blended into the fic here—and I also liked the little hint that Tanya's not entirely chained to her fic when she uses an apostrophe correctly to wave away Wu's reaction to her "wacky" laughing gas usage. (That confused me at first, but I figured out eventually that Tanya is an Incredibles-verse Super with some kind of elemental gas-related power, yes?) Although you kind of departed from that later with the bidder from Aperture, who doesn't talk with typos despite the fact that he must be an OC, since Aperture has no living human employees. (Unless this takes place before GLaDOS took over?) Oh, also, I'm having trouble telling whether Ripper's fic was in the novel or movie version of Jurassic Park, since Hammond seems to sometimes have the movie version's personality (not wanting to sell the dinosaurs as weapons) and sometimes the novel version's (saying the public wants monsters rather than animals). Finally, I liked the transition back to the present after the second flashback, when Rayner acknowledges that Ripper was just staring off into space, and that the bartender filled Rayner in on the info contained in the flashback, so that he's still in the same level of understanding as the reader is.
Moving on to the bartender, I didn't totally understand why Velociripper was so adamant about preventing Rayner from getting the guy angry by throwing the drink out. Is this a character you've used before who reacts badly to insults? If not, it seems like an overly tense moment for the rest of the story's tone. There's a contradiction about Jurassic Pond Scum, as well. Early on, you imply it's alcoholic: "'I didn’t think you’d be the kind to drink anything alcoholi...il recently.'" At the end, though, it's apparently not alcoholic any more: "'In that case, we’ll see which species is better at holding their G-rated alcohol counterpart. Bartender? Another Pond Scum for the Deinonychus, please.'" You've also made me look up and read "A Sound of Thunder," which was fantastic, so thank you!
Your choice to present Ripper as transgender is an interesting one. I was a bit put off by it at first—dinosaurs certainly aren't representative of the actual population of transgender people—but on further reflection, I see that it does work okay, if not, excellently. We do know that some JP dinos changed sex due to population-based behavioral cues . . . I think to really sell this as a part of Ripper's life, though, I do think you should eventually write a story detailing what it was like for a sentient character to experience that change, as it would be completely unique (feeling the change happening on a biological level first, and changing the mindset later, as opposed to actual transgender people experiencing the dysphoria first and getting the sex change after). Otherwise, it just feels like a tacked-on adjective. (After all, Ripper didn't need to be one of the sex-changed dinosaurs; many remained female.)
Two more minor notes. First, I like that there's an explanation for Rayner's bloodthirstiness. It feels like it fits his character, and makes sense with the revelation (to me) that he's "Rainbow Factory" personified. Also, in the sentence: "His eyes met hers’, and he would swear his heart melted just a little," "hers" doesn't need the apostrophe, since it's already a possessive form.
"Anthophobia"
I have to admit, with all the time I spent "away" from your spin-off, I'm disappointed that Rashida's attitude and treatment towards Falchion doesn't seem to have improved much. I know partners aren't going to get along all the time, but I feel that in a healthy relationship, they ought to be arguing from equal footing. Here, it feels like Rashida puts herself in a position of authority over Falchion. Her anger also feels fairly mis-aimed and unnecessarily over-the-top. Part of this is the fact that she's worried about his impending performance review, and insists he be thinking about job opportunities. I know every spin-off has aspects that others lack, but the fact that most don't feature a business-formal review, or agents having noticeable jobs outside of being an agent, denies both topics some of the weight you're trying to give them in the text—I, as the reader, don't go in to the story subconsciously valuing those things, and that makes it feel like Rashida is overreacting over them. Kind of the same thing as her ire at Falchion browsing the internet; they're not on a mission, or filling out a mission report, so is he really goofing off if it's clearly down-time for them? I was amused by the not-porn fake out, though.
The idea that getting a bad review with the Flowers nets an agent more, harder work seems weird. With the "always understaffed" running joke present, it feels like the Flowers would want agents where they're most useful, not put under-performing agents in a situation where they perform even worse— even if it means transferring an action agent to infrastructure. (Yes, I know putting agents in positions they're ill-equipped for is a traditional source of humor, but this story has a more serious tone, so I'm examining the topic seriously.)
I like your characterization of the Hyacinth. You got the "respectful, but stern" trait down, and it's an excellent Flower to use for a performance review situation, as well. You used the Nature mechanic from Pokémon in an interesting way, bringing up the question of whether Falchion was always Careful, and his file contained an error; or, if the game data's label of him never really applied, and Falchion's personality simply can't be fully defined by one of a set of arbitrary adjectives. One noticeable lacking point was that the Hyacinth brings up working differences between Falchion and Ripper, but the conversation veers away, and the topic never gets addressed again during the review.
I think there's a contradiction concerning the relationship between Rashida and Falchion, specifically in the way Rashida views it. Before the reviews with the Hyacinth, Rahsida is arguing for Falchion to take more responsibility, and asks, "'So why have you lost that willpower? Is it because you’ve been thinking of me as a superior rather than as an equal?'" This seems to indicate that she sees a problem in Falchion feeling subordinate, and that that's part of the reason he isn't taking more responsibility. However, after their reviews, she says, "'On the one hand, I’m not confident in your ability to take up that much authority just yet. I understand that you have one year of experience, but that’s as a subordinate to me, which is a natural way of thinking considering that I’m older than you by quite a margin and have more experience dealing with critical matters.'" Now, she's saying that Falchion acting as her subordinate is appropriate, and that he isn't ready for more responsibility . . . Yeah, she's pretty much advocating for exact opposite agendas in the beginning and end, at least by my reading. Is this intentional, with her review making Rashida go back on her views? Or have I missed something huge?
Finally, some random little errors:
"'. . . and so little to keeping touch with others . . .'"
I usually hear this phrase as, "keeping in touch."
"Rashida had just shut off all of Falchion’s non-work-related browsing tabs."
This one may just be a question of local dialect and phrasing, but I've always heard "close" used as the verb for, uh, closing tabs.
"'I may or may not have been underperforming because . . .'"
Since this sentence is part of Falchion arguing in favor of him accepting more responsibility, I feel like the "may not" is unnecessary and contradictory. It also makes for a confusing double negative with the second part of the sentence, "'. . . not coming up with . . .'"
"'I guess have my question answered.'"
I think missed a word.
"'Gods, I’d better.'"
This might be really stupid nitpicking, but I wanted to bring it up just in case it wasn't intentional. I noticed that Falchion swears by Arceus at least sometimes, but here, he just uses a more generic "gods." Does he switch it up sometimes? Does it matter? Do you wish I would shut up already?
I feel like my reviews got a bit unfocused and jumpy, being the results of bullet points being mashed together into paragraph form. I hope they've still been useful to you. Please feel free to review the reviews! I may be a little rusty, after all.
—doctorlit, slowly falling asleep in his chair