Please have a black-hole chocolate cake. All of it, as an apologise for being late.

Oh, well. Happy birthday! Yet again, you have defied the Fates and cheated Thanatos. Your reward is cake. Delicious cake.

I look forward to getting to know you better as I spend more time on the Board!

...Earth orbits around the Sun, yes, but on a grander scale, the Sun orbits the galactic core and our galaxy is part of a local cluster of galaxies which are interacting via gravity. Earth never sweeps the same sectors of space because our entire solar system is also moving.

But that's besides the point. Happy 2π around the Sun day!

Since you've made it all real vague, I've decided to collect all the facts and study all the data and I have come to the conclusion that, not only is it not your birthday, you, in fact, never were born, having instead sprouted from a tree like a lemon.

My gift upon you is: a pack of fish and chips to be squeezed onto! Because you're a lemon!

Happy regular February the 12th!

Have a box. It is rumored to contain a gift, which people say is a sugar bowl. Believe what you will, but keep it secret, keep it safe.

--Key isn't even sure what she's referencing at this point

Congratulations on being supremely confusing and ambiguous. Have some cake!

Blows GIANT NOISEMAKER CANNON! Hope I didn't blow your ear drums out! Congratulations on growing a year older through perfectly natural processes!