'WILL NO-ONE BESTOW MERCY UPON ME?!'

Subject: 'WILL NO-ONE BESTOW MERCY UPON ME?!'
Author: Larfen J. Stocke, esq
Posted on: 2017-02-02 05:32:00 UTC

Awwwwwww!
He's heartbreaking, he's so cute, the little critter!

As a fine fellow who is largely unversed in The Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and any of the Generic Fandoms (I've been trying to get into 6, I swear!) I can safely say we have essentially no fandom crossover. Other than those two times I read The Hobbit.
Or was it three times? Or fifty-seven?
Er. Bad at math.

But, yes, those were an absolutely brilliant one-hundred and thirty-eight reads, they were!
If there's a book out there with a soul, it's The Hobbit.
And Bilbo, mate. Don't get enough characters like him.
Or, well. I don't read enough characters of that type.

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HI PEEPS! Newbie here! (first post) by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-01 19:08:00 UTC Reply

HI PEEPSIES! I'm a Newbie here!
*sips coffee*
I'm a fan of the PPC (obviously), and would love to eventually write my own PPC Agents.
*sips coffee*
I have one question: how can I adopt a mini-balrog? (though I really would like a mini-baragog.)
*sips coffee*
Want some coffee? I have lots of virtual coffee.
*sips virtual coffee*
See? Smell the exquisite 1s and 0s.
*sips coffee*
Can someone give me a plover? Or a pet Boromir? *drools* Pleeeeaseeee, preeety pleeeeeeeeeeaseeee. I'll treat them very well.
*sips coffee, drools about Boromir*
Ahhhhh.
*sips coffee, slaps face*
Sorry about that. On a more sane tangent, I'd like to recommend a Legendary Goodfic. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to do this, but this fic fits all the criteria. I'm recommending "The Skipper" by LinzRW.
*sips coffee, clears throat*
Now, the criteria... It'll be five years old in December. I turned up four results about the fanfiction itself on the first two Google pages when I searched "the skipper fanfiction," plus an additional three hits for the author's blog. It is the second most reviewed Lord of the Rings fanfiction on FF.net, with 3,988 reviews (and 1,010 faves!). Lastly (bonus!), if you search "Ana Stonbit fanart" you will get a good deal of results; heck, I searched for fanart of her weapon and got a result.
*tries to sip coffee and realizes that he's out, cries*
She is also *sob* the opposite of a *sob, hic* Mary-Sue.
*finds and sips hot chocolate*
If you hadn't noticed, I ramble. I also don't know when or how to stop. So, bye?

First plover! (nm) by Tawaki on 2017-02-03 15:51:00 UTC Reply

Whoop whoop! My very first plover! (nm) by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-03 17:29:00 UTC Reply

Man, this is gonna feel weird... by HerrWozzeck on 2017-02-03 04:41:00 UTC Reply

...but hey, I guess I better get back in the groove now, right?

Hi! Welcome to the PPC! We've got craziness here, so have an autographed basketball!

Oh, and also this: https://youtu.be/1BQQQ2bu3GM

Thanks a lot! by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-03 15:17:00 UTC Reply

Unfortunately, I don't play basketball... The music was very interesting though.

Welcome to the madhouse! by eatpraylove on 2017-02-02 03:59:00 UTC Reply

Here's some popcorn and, since you're so interested, Borromior the mini-Balrog! He likes bacon, raw eggs, and fangirls. Nice to see someone else giving Boromir some love. :)

Erm... by Neshomeh on 2017-02-02 05:16:00 UTC Reply

Unless you are Cassie Cameron-Young in disguise, you can't actually hand out mini-Balrogs. Sorry. Cassie is keeping that list. (And incidentally, Borromior is not on it. Where'd he come from?)

Unless she deputized you and I missed it?

~Neshomeh does miss things occasionally.

Rats. Sorry. by eatpraylove on 2017-02-02 17:39:00 UTC Reply

I rescued that guy in "An Appeal to the Gods" and have no idea where to contact Cassie. Please help.

See my reply to AC below. {= ) (nm) by Neshomeh on 2017-02-02 18:08:00 UTC Reply

Thanks! I hope I'm insane enough. by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-02 04:35:00 UTC Reply

ThankyouthankyouThankYouTHANKYOU, fellow Boromir fan! I will take very good care of Borromior.

Also, thanks for the popcorn.

Welcome! Re. adopting minis... by Neshomeh on 2017-02-02 02:24:00 UTC Reply

I've recently been working with this very information, and every mini article on the wiki should have information about how to adopt that mini in its infobox. For a lot of them it's just "try asking on the Board," but in the case of mini-Balrogs, there is actually an adoption center! You should ask there; or if that fails, try cassie.dramateacher at gmail dot com.

Now, I'm not sure if you meant to say you also want a mini-Aragog or if you were being silly and/or looking for some sort of terrifying Balrog x Acromantula hybrid. I can help with the former, but not so much with the latter. ^_~

~Neshomeh

Re: Welcome! Re. adopting minis... by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-02 02:55:00 UTC Reply

Oh my GOSH! It's THE Neshomeh!

Actually, there was a Balrog x Acromantula hybrid in HFA. I'm assuming it's the result of misspelling a character's name in a crossover fic. I was wondering if there were more...

Thanks for answering my question.

Welcome aBoard! by SkarmorySilver on 2017-02-02 01:05:00 UTC Reply

Have one of my own shed feathers and a complimentary kit of Spikes!

Thanks! Despite the fact that I don't know what a Spike is! (nm) by Anonymous on 2017-02-02 01:17:00 UTC Reply
What's a Spike? (nm) by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-02 01:16:00 UTC Reply

It's literally a spike. by Matt Cipher on 2017-02-02 07:23:00 UTC Reply

Skarmorys have feathers made of steel... Sharpy-sharpy stabby-stabby.

Ah. That makes sense. (nm) by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-02 15:05:00 UTC Reply

Hello hello! Welcome to your new job at Freddy's by Alleb on 2017-02-02 00:10:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to the PPC, fellow LotR fan! How is it at Awesomeness Central? My newbie gift to you--an urple ocarina! And some wilver earmuffs. For the noise.

I'm actually familiar with that fic. I'm not up to writing an in-depth analysis of it in regards to Legendary status at the moment, but such a thread should be made, and I will comment on it.

-Alleb

URPLE OCARINA!!! O.O by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-02 00:16:00 UTC Reply

EEEEEE!!! URPLE! It SOUNDS so urple!! Thanks for the earmuffs, they're quite unfortunately necessary.
Everything is perfectly fine at Awesomeness Central ;), apart from the urple noise (it's fast become my Plovermir's favorite toy *shudders*) .
So glad you like "The Skipper."

Hello newbie. by Hardric on 2017-02-01 21:11:00 UTC Reply

Well, guess this gift is an evident one... Have some black-hole coffee.

Now, research were done and the questions asked, so I'll wish you weelcome here.

~~And leave some coffee for the other peoples.~~

Thanks! by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-01 23:15:00 UTC Reply

Yay! Black-hole coffee.
And there's no way that any coffee whatsoever will be left for the other peoples, I have the black-hole of coffee (muahaha).

HI PEEP! Larfen here! (I'm bad at math, sorry) by Larfen J. Stocke, esq on 2017-02-01 20:32:00 UTC Reply

You have come to the right place, my friend. For as a professional gift giver and part-time reverse thief, I can fulfil both your requests!
Huzzah!
So, I present to you: Plovermir!
What do you have to say to our newbie and your new best friend, Plovermir?

'AAAAAAAAAAHHH'

Oh, charming! Anything else?

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH'

How cuuuuuute! Do you have anything else to say?

'I AM A CRIME AGAINST NATURE'

Awwwww!
What a sweetie!

And since it seems like nobody else has asked: what're your fandoms?
Well, I mean, other than the extensive Plovermir fandom, home to one of the largest communities on the internet. Other than that, what're your fandoms?

And - welcome!
And, yes, those 1s and 0s are, indeed, exquisite. I have never smelt a 1 or an 0 more exquisite than these particular ones. And 0s.

A Kindred Spirit! by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-01 20:35:00 UTC Reply

AAAAAAWWWWWW! I love the Plovermir!!!! Iss KYOOT!!

My fandoms are Lord of the Rings (and The Hobbit), Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, and Generic Fandoms 8, 6, and 9.

I'm also bad at math.
*sips coffee*

'WILL NO-ONE BESTOW MERCY UPON ME?!' by Larfen J. Stocke, esq on 2017-02-02 05:32:00 UTC Reply

Awwwwwww!
He's heartbreaking, he's so cute, the little critter!

As a fine fellow who is largely unversed in The Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and any of the Generic Fandoms (I've been trying to get into 6, I swear!) I can safely say we have essentially no fandom crossover. Other than those two times I read The Hobbit.
Or was it three times? Or fifty-seven?
Er. Bad at math.

But, yes, those were an absolutely brilliant one-hundred and thirty-eight reads, they were!
If there's a book out there with a soul, it's The Hobbit.
And Bilbo, mate. Don't get enough characters like him.
Or, well. I don't read enough characters of that type.

Which fandoms are you in? by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-02 05:38:00 UTC Reply

I agree about Bilbo, and The Hobbit in general.

I forgot to mention that I'm also in the Septimus Heap, Shannara, Redwall, Dragonlance, and Inheritance fandoms.

Septimus Heap fans have been crawling out of the woodwork by Cat-on-the-Keyboard on 2017-02-03 05:10:00 UTC Reply

Lately, that is.

You could almost say there's a Heap of us? (nm) by Storme Hawk on 2017-02-04 01:16:00 UTC Reply
*leans against the woodwork* Did someone say Septimus Heap? by Zingenmir on 2017-02-03 15:03:00 UTC Reply

Those books held up pretty well, last time I gave them a read. I've got fond memories of them, and while they're on the highest shelf with things I don't read often, I do still have the five I own out. Looks like three of them are hardcover.

~Z
Truly, it is a Magykal time for us fans. (nm) by Iximaz on 2017-02-03 05:12:00 UTC Reply

Yay! Fellow Septimus Heap fans! by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-03 15:06:00 UTC Reply

Frankly, I didn't know it was all that popular.

Pfffwhoa by Larfen J. Stocke, esq on 2017-02-02 09:34:00 UTC Reply

That there's a lot of fandoms the PPC is drowning in, that is!*
I reckon you'll do well here, then, oy?

That there's also a lot of fandoms I'm not part of, but that's besides the point!
My fandoms are very small, rather obscure and, frankly, probably rubbish.

Also, were you asking about my fandoms?
If so, thank you very much!
This feels a bit like I'm a carpenter and one of my clients has just come over to my house out of nowhere and installed the wooden outdoors toilet.
Assuming that's the case, anyhow.

If it's not the case, I suppose I'll just follow nature's calls indoors.

*Keep your grain of salt a-ready, for not only am I rather dumb and unobservant with a bad memory, but estimation is technically a part of maths, and I am therefore rubbish at it.
But, I swear, at least three of that four have other people knocking around following them.
Dunno if we got Inheritance people here. Perhaps!

Newbie! *glomp* *poke* by Iximaz on 2017-02-01 20:07:00 UTC Reply

Hello, and welcome aBoard! For your newbie gift, take this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti!

*steals coffee for self*

Hope you like it here! It's good to see newbies who've done the research. Still, just in case—let me point you to the the Constitution.

Anyway, welcome, welcome and have a link to our Discord chatroom!

NOOOOOOO!!! MY COFFEE! by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-01 20:14:00 UTC Reply

Also, why am I getting glomped and poked?

Standard newbie greeting. :P by Iximaz on 2017-02-01 20:16:00 UTC Reply

Because nothing says hello like getting tacklehugged by an internet stranger and then poked on the cheek.

Sure... (nm) by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-01 20:26:00 UTC Reply

Sorry, I'll stop. (nm) by Iximaz on 2017-02-01 20:43:00 UTC Reply

No, it's totally fine. by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-02 03:05:00 UTC Reply

I was just curious about why, it makes sense though.

Hi there! by palindromordnilap on 2017-02-01 19:23:00 UTC Reply

Welcome aBoard! I hope you'll like it here. c:
Have this two-hour-long, semi-sentient piece of music. I'm not linking it, it's already lurking around in your head now that I mentioned it. Don't worry, it's nice.

Semi-sentient music?! by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-01 19:26:00 UTC Reply

At least it's a nice piece of music...

Hey ther-- WHOA! by Matt Cipher on 2017-02-01 19:18:00 UTC Reply

Chill with the coffee, bruh... gurrl... guurl-bruh...

I unfortunately have no knowledge on every formality you need to adopt a mini (OY, NOTARY, WHICH FORM WAS IT AGAIN!?)... and I don't have any plovers on me... I can offer a barrel of Industrial Sprinkles? (Which are probably edible...)

As for the recommendations, cool your jets there and wait until it hits the required five years, okay? Okay!

And besides that... I guess welcome? :P

By the way, I am probably gonna call you AC, just because Jay would be confusing with ~~Our Lady and Founder~~ Jay Thorntree.

AC is fine by Jay - Awesomeness Central on 2017-02-01 19:21:00 UTC Reply

I'm a guy. Also there is no way I'm going to chill with the coffee. *sips coffee, laughs hysterically* It keeps me nice and hyper.
You can totally call me AC, I had a feeling someone would bring up the name similarity.