New concrit!

New interlude! by Iximaz and Aegis on 2017-01-19 00:00:00 UTC Reply

The Detective probably should have expected to run into the Aviator at Rudi's. Neither of them could really have expected what happened next, though they can both agree it was a pretty good bad idea. After all, just because you shouldn't doesn't mean you won't.

There's this nasty double-negation again, by Hieronymus Graubart on 2017-01-23 18:05:00 UTC Reply

that always confuses me:

Privately, anyone but the Aviator couldn't have paid him to return to the RC right now.
So, only the Aviator could (because only she had enough money, or because the Detective wouldn't accept anyone else's money?), but she didn't, and thus he stayed? I'm not quite sure whether this is what you intended to say. Maybe I'm overthinking it.

HG

An explanation by Zingenmir on 2017-01-24 02:58:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, that can be a bit tricky to navigate, especially when it's a twist on a common expression like this one is. My understanding is that, instead of "no one could pay me to leave" it's "only the Aviator could pay me to leave" ("pay" in this case is metaphorical--just meant as a way of making someone leave). I'm guessing it's there to avoid the implication that the Detective might stay there against the Aviator's will.

(Another common use of this expression is "you couldn't pay me to do that", where "that" is understood to be something the speaker wouldn't want to do. The thing has generally been mentioned or seen immediately before.)

Hope that helps (and the authors are obviously free to correct me and add context; this is what I'm reading into it, not something they've told me).

~Zingenmir

Re: New interlude! by Bramandin on 2017-01-20 16:12:00 UTC Reply

It feels like roleplay with the POV switching at just about every paragraph.

Still, it shows that things are not always fun an games for the agents.
New concrit! by Larfen J. Stocke, esq on 2017-01-20 11:45:00 UTC Reply

Alright, so, I've sort've said this on Discord, and because I am a broken robot, doomed to say what it has once said again and again and again and what it has once said again and again and again and again, et al, I'll say it again: from a visceral point of view, it bloody works. It's a very rough, ugly situation, and the atmosphere made in it gets that across. It's uncomfortable feeling, it is. There are various moments where it delves into their individual thoughts (which sounds really quite trite right now, considering that all stories ought to do that, but give me a moment) and those are delivered in such a way as to get across that atmosphere.

Things like:
'He really did look like Gavan, and her hearts clenched at the thought. Gavan was dead, why should this even matter; why should she even care at this point?'

And: 'But he was hurting too. Only thing he had going for him was some stupid promise—some need to earn death, before he could finally go. Why shouldn't he do this?'

That self-doubt and discomfort is very evident, and, well. Relateable, I suppose, solely through delivery.
I mean, there's also odours. Odours can make anything look ugly.

So, this is probably stylistic, or some such. And I will admit to, at the very least, not having yet read all of the Aviator's stuff.
But I'll, er. Admit, I do find the Time Lord angst thing a little tiring, I don't want to say 'Oh, make them have a happy jolly good time and buy balloon animals and such!' because, er. That's very trite, indeed, it wouldn't work, it's a clumsy solution, et al.
But from what I've been seeing with these fellows, it really is near constant. I suppose I can say this more convincingly with the Detective (bloody sorry Aegis, but, er. Y'know, haven't finished Ave's stuff, have finished yours, and such. Sorry, mate,) but I honestly cannot think of a single story or RP involving them where there isn't some form of angst.
And not to say angst is bad, or to say that having writing centred around angst and angsty characters having generally angsty times is bad, but I feel there ought to be a better balance!
I mean, again - I can't think of a single story or RP thingo involving one've the two without some form of angst, and it, as with all overused sort of things, is beginning to feel a bit off, as it were.

So, er. Does the story work? Do what it's (I assume, anyhow,) what it's meant to do?
Yes! Well!
Did I get a little bit miffed when they mentioned that war, again?
Yes. I did. A little.
Is at least half of what I'm saying really, really stylistic-based and subjective?
Most likely.

I'll say that you two certainly did something, whatsit, out of the box? Brave?
Brrrph, I dunno.
It took bollocks to do this sort've story, is what I'm saying, shake up status quo and such like that. And, I mean, it was ultimately delivered well, wasn't it?
So, brilliant job, there.

I mean, I'm certainly interested in seeing where it goes!
Got a little thread at the end there with Zeb, and all.
And perhaps Ave and Dee'll get forced into a mission together, and we'll have the first mission in PPC history in which a pair of agents avoid eye-contact for the entire time.

New response! by Aegis on 2017-01-20 13:40:00 UTC Reply

Well, I'm certainly glad it didn't feel comfortable.

And while I can certainly understand finding angst one-note, I will take the time to point out that in the instance of two Time Lords with traumatic pasts attempting to block out the pain with one another, it really wouldn't do to have it go unmentioned.

As to my own stuff, I'd only just introduced the character, and he's very driven by past trauma. While I shouldn't speak for Ix, I'll say that an even like that changes you, and Ix has handled the balance between not constantly bringing it up and still showing its effects rather well, in my opinion. That said, I can perfectly understand the criticism, considering I'm an angst addict and bring it up given half a chance (and sometimes less) in Rudi's.

As to the mission—well, we'll see. Though Ave and the Detective certainly won't. They'll be too busy staring in opposite directions.

Thank you for the concrit!

Well... by Hardric on 2017-01-19 10:30:00 UTC Reply

I guess it beats alcoholism as a copeout mechanism? And deep down I hope something ... well not bad comes out of that. They really need it.

Cannot really say more to this. The story shows clearly how broken they are. Hope is pretty much last thing left about them. Congrats for the emotions.

Glad we were able to get that across. by Iximaz on 2017-01-19 16:16:00 UTC Reply

Honestly, my biggest worry about this was that we didn't convey well enough that this is not supposed to be considered healthy by any means. I'm glad that doesn't seem to be the case.

I can at least say things are slowly getting better for the Aviator, just with the occasional downward spike. Will she get better with the Detective, though...? Unlikely. ;)

I liked this overall by Tomash on 2017-01-19 03:50:00 UTC Reply

I gave more detailed concrit in the chat, and I figured I should post here so that the thread doesn't look all empty and lonely.