Subject: Very belated response
Author:
Posted on: 2016-12-18 16:49:00 UTC

I finally found the time to read this, and it’s good to see the repercussions of Agent Desdendelle’s cyberisation. I’m glad you didn’t continue sitting on this.

The usual nitpicks:

Don’t go trying to do to much at once.
This should be "too".

Des continued to sob; only after some time passed did he raise his arms and return the hug.
I think this should be "time had passed" (past perfect).

And to get into this, I reread "Grey Area" and noticed a missing word ("of") there:
That is why their console blared to life during the most critical part the operation.

I liked the mailman joke, and how you integrated the fire lizards into the story.

HG

Reply Return to messages