Subject: Fixed everything. Thanks, HG! (nm)
Author:
Posted on: 2016-12-18 20:13:00 UTC
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It's a blast from the past! by
on 2016-12-09 20:10:00 UTC
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(Sorry for the double-post.)
I've been sitting on this piece for way too long — I guess I shouldn't have waited on other people to publish stuff first. Here goes:
The aftermath of "Grey Area" is explored in "Lasting Damage II".
(This piece is set in September 13th, 2015 HST, so I'm a bit more than a year late in releasing this. Yay.) -
Very belated response by
on 2016-12-18 16:49:00 UTC
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I finally found the time to read this, and it’s good to see the repercussions of Agent Desdendelle’s cyberisation. I’m glad you didn’t continue sitting on this.
The usual nitpicks:
Don’t go trying to do to much at once.
This should be "too".
Des continued to sob; only after some time passed did he raise his arms and return the hug.
I think this should be "time had passed" (past perfect).
And to get into this, I reread "Grey Area" and noticed a missing word ("of") there:
That is why their console blared to life during the most critical part the operation.
I liked the mailman joke, and how you integrated the fire lizards into the story.
HG -
Fixed everything. Thanks, HG! (nm) by
on 2016-12-18 20:13:00 UTC
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