Subject: Time for a gift then.
Author:
Posted on: 2016-10-27 21:58:00 UTC
Please have this self-updating guidebook of all the deathtraps in the multiverse. Make sure you can always kill glitterbags in a spectacular and, most above all, ironic way.
And one more spin-off to follow...
Hello, all! In proud Whovian tradition, I'd like to retcon a couple of things in order to preserve continuity. Thanks again for taking a look, and consider this the Director's Cut to the original. Still the same prompts, and the same characters, but with continuity errors corrected.
The Character Bios
the First Prompt
and the Second Prompt.
Thanks to all able to take a look!
May your missions go smoothly.
Let's see what we've got. I know you well enough for my liking, and haven't heard of any bad behavior, so we'll check that box.
Agents...well, there's two slight problems.
1) Your bio for Jack and his characterization in the writing samples seem to be at odds. On the one hand, you say he is just too gosh darn nice for his own good. On the other hand, we read about a gruff veteran who is, not unjustifiably, selfish in his motivations. This is a minor problem, but one you should look at, anyway, to see if what you wrote matches what you thought you were writing. (I actually prefer the way he is written to the way he is described. He makes a better counterpoint to your Time Lord.)
2) Another insufferable Time Lord. Ugh! Someone should build a time wall and make Gallifrey pay for it. (Not actually bothered, just having fun.)
Check the character box.
Technical writing is a check, as well. It all looks fine.
Unless someone else has an objection: Permission Granted.
-Phobos
Make Rassilon pay for it, and you've probably got the Reader's support.
~DF
People tell me...they're saying he's said good things about me. I have 'uge respect for Rassilon. Terrific leader. Fought the Daleks. I'll tell you, we've got some bad Daleks out here. They're killers, they're exterminators, and some, I assume, are good people. The Crooked Doctor wants to help the Daleks. He won't say the words Radical Dalek Terrorism. He created the Daleks, they call him the Oncoming Storm, they love this guy. But the media won't tell you that. It's all rigged against me. They won't tell you that the Crooked Doctor has been replaced multiple times with different guys. You can tell, if you look close and are as smart as I am. Totally different guys. The media won't tell you, but I will. SAD.
-Phobos, #MakeGallifreyGreatAgain
Video plays: "I'll tell you, we've got some bad Daleks out here. They're killers, they're exterminators, and some, I assume, are good people."
[Audience laughs a bit]
Reader: "No! None of them are good people! They're Daleks! They're literally made to be soulless, evil killing machines! Their idea of a good time is going out to an innocent planet and exterminating the inhabitants! 'Hello! Would you like a cup of tea?' No! I'm a Dalek! Ex-ter-minate!" /mimics a Dalek shooting/
[Audience laughs]
Reader: /more calmly/ "Of course, we have seen a few instances of slightly less murderous Daleks--our very own HQ Daleks have the Human Factor, and they're at least not prone to killing agents." [Pictures of Charlie and Omicron appear on the screen] "And there've been a very, very tiny handful of okay ones that the Doctor's run into, but since a, they were all altered in some way from being pure Dalek, and b, Oswin is the main one that springs to mind..." [chuckles from the audience] "...well, let's just say that it's safe to assume--we can all agree--that almost every Dalek, apart from a few exceptional cases, probably wants to kill you."
[Probable applause from the audience]
Reader: "And as for Rassilon...Well, let's hear that bit again, shall we?"
Video plays: "Terrific leader. Fought the Daleks."
Reader: "Well. Let's unpack that a bit, shall we?"
[Long-ish explanation of how great a leader Rassilon mostly wasn't follows, culminating in:]
Reader: "...But he did fight the Daleks, though. I'll give him that. I'll give him that!"
[Audience applauds]
Reader: "...EXCEPT of course that he actually didn't do any of the fighting himself..." [Audience laughs] "Or win the Time War..." [More laughter] "In fact, what was he doing for a lot of it? Oh, that's right." /raises imaginary staff and mimics Rassilon's voice. Right or wrong, her version is slow, pompous, and deeper-voiced/ "On this day... Gallifrey...rrrrrises! Yes! Gallifrey rises! Yes! Yes! Thank you all for agreeing to my insanely stupid plan! Yes! Yes! Let's rise like a loaf of bread and also drive a kid insane so we can have a line to pull ourselves out of the Time War into the wrong part of the galaxy! Yes!"
[Cheers, laughter, and applause from the audience. It's the Reader's room, through and through. Some days she really loves this job]
--
And I'm going to break there :D But writing this was a ton of fun :D The only other thing I'd want to get in would be a line, probably the closing line, about "the media is telling you! We are the media, and we're telling you. And so are your history textbooks, your TV guides, your biology classes... Thank you! That's our show!"
And I'm done. At least for now. That was so much fun...
~DF
Can you believe this? Some random Time Lady from the Crooked Doctor's media lie machine comes out saying all of these untrue things about me. The Reader, she calls herself, can you believe it? What a loser. She's the Citrine Whatever. That's right; Citrine! If I was on that stupid council they've got, I'd be diamonds, I can tell you. But she comes out and says all these things like that I've said I like Rassilon and that I said he won the Time War. I never said any of it. I said I never met the guy. I mean, from what I hear he's a great guy. Very smart. Found a way out of the Crooked Doctor's media blackout, but it got sabotaged. You won't hear that in the media. But I can tell you, if I had been in the Time War, I'd have won. 'Cause that's what I do. I win. And you know who's to blame for the whole thing? The Crooked Doctor. I'm serious. He started the whole thing for his own political ends. I mean, the guy says he's all healing and peace and love, but the media's not telling you about how he was for the War. He was. Very reliable sources have told me. He changed his name and was for the War and then changed it back. Disgusting.
-Phobos, The Politician
Actualy, Mr. Phobos, diamonds are not very valuable, in fact they're very common. De Beers, a diamond cartel that controls almost the entire world's diamond supply, restricts the supply so they can keep the price up.
((Paraphrased from here))
*switches off TARDIS viewscreen in disgust*
Well, thank the gods no one'll let that man into politics.
Yellow, have you got that bio you mentioned...? Thanks.
Ah, fic-escapee. That makes sense. Well, uh... welcome to HQ, please don't shoot the Daleks.
>M<
You mean the High Council responsible for leaving me stranded on a sunless barren wasteland of a planet, completely alone for ten years? That High Council? Nah, never heard of 'em. They nice?
All Time Lords have something.
~Des
They're popping out of the ground! Like daisies!
"Shall we start with the Guardsman? Do let's."
DISHONOR ON YOU! DISHONOR ON YOUR FAMILY! DISHONOR ON YOUR COW!
*coughs* Apologies, Detective. I seem to be in a rather giddy mood. It. Is always nice to have another Time Lord show up. If you have any questions about the PPC, don't hesitate to ask.
I've already got a nice plot of land with my name on it— veterans' benefits, see. Gimme some time and I'll be buried in it eventually.
Go away, Notary, nobody wants to hear your vitriol. It's beyond me why the Chili Con Council lets you bother them.
~Des
Once, people couldn't say that I'm "more machine than man". Once, Lump was a terrible person (but hey, he's improving!). Once, I had an elf for a partner. See what I mean?
~Des
And I agree with you - the Notary is an awful person these days. But... back when we founded the Council, when she was new to the PPC, she was different.
I mean, not that different. She was still pretty bad. But in a crisis, she was... better than you'd think. I kind of respected her, a bit.
How times change.
>M<
...terrorizing new Time Lords. How the mighty fall.
After all, they did it... and we seem to be following suit. What a pity the Doctor doesn't have more experience running planets; I'd feel better about voting for him if I could do it based a bit more on his political qualifications and a little less based on his being the much less insane candidate.
-R
You've just earned my undying snickers and the Reader's undying disgust. I'd write something up with her as, say, John Oliver or Steven Colbert, probably talking about how terrible Rassilon is and defending the Doctor, but I'm not currently sure I could do that justice.
However, now I have the wonderful mental image of her going "of course he's been 'replaced' by different people! It's called regeneration, you nimwit!" so I'm happy.
~DF
Take a coal, now throw it into the fire that powers this locomotive!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! You fools! Victory is mine!
*clears throat* Ah, er, right. Yes. Well, thanks very much then.
Thanks especially for your note about Jack. While he does have a steely edge to him, he's also incredibly concerned about other people. His description is an effort to present him as the heart to the Detective's head. But he wouldn't stand a chance if he didn't have some grit. Perhaps "concerned" is a better word here. I'll edit it when I get the chance- thanks again!
-Aegis, who is about to leave campus for home
Since I'm guessing that your character bios will appear on the Wiki, I'd be remiss if I didn't correct a confusing sentence in Jack's description:
While he doesn’t have an issue improvising if the fic’s ‘verse doesn’t allow for it, he prefers to use the firearms his father gave him to get the job done.
The double negatives in the first clause are throwing me off. Are you saying that Jack wants to improvise in situations where he should be sticking to the canon's rules? That's what you have written. If I read the context correctly, you're trying to say that Jack is able to improvise when the canon doesn't allow for guns. In that case, make the connection explicit, preferably by switching the clauses:
While he prefers to use the firearms his father gave him to get the job done, he doesn’t have an issue improvising if the fic’s ‘verse doesn’t allow for them.
I’m looking forward to see more of these agents.
But I must still do what I always do, in case you want to make these stories canonical interludes:
A grin more suited to the Demons he’d spent his childhood hunting than to any sane mortal spreading across Jack’s face as he followed.
Shouldn’t this be either "spread across Jack’s face as he followed" or "spreading across Jack’s face, he followed"?
Something that had been submerged at the back of Jack’s mind for some time suddenly bobbed sickeningly to the surface, as he recalled the discussion he’d heard involving one of the new agents standing up the Floating Hyacinth after having been assigned to Floaters for a trial period.
Missing word "to"?
... gesturing at questionable heritage of the Sue detailed on the screen before them.
Missing word "the"?
HG
On the second one, *points at Tira* what she said. But thanks a million for the rest!
"Standing up" in this case is slang for "not going to an arranged meeting with." It's usually used in the context of someone not showing up for a date.
Welcome to the writing club! Or to the knighthood, if we're bringing Plort into this...
~DF
But if you need pictures for the Wiki pages, I cannot recommend enough Rinmaru.
Good luck again.
Ladies and gentlemen and kids and boils and ghouls and slugs: Grant Permission has entered the house!
Yeah!
Love that bloke!
Good on ya, Aegis.
Please have this self-updating guidebook of all the deathtraps in the multiverse. Make sure you can always kill glitterbags in a spectacular and, most above all, ironic way.
And one more spin-off to follow...