Subject: Re: New Mission!
Author:
Posted on: 2016-10-30 09:10:00 UTC

The fic apparently described the 10th Division moving the oin (“That would be the Ōin, a key-type thing from the non-canon DiamondDust Rebellion movie that controls the universe, and a very valuable item that the Gotei 13 gave everything to protect,” explained Lapis).
Wouldn’t it be better if you had a period after "the oin" and no parentheses enclosing Lapis’s explanation?

Then two more mini-Menos Grandes, masamoyto and Hitsogaya, showed up — and we're promptly portaled to the Adoption Agency.
Should be "were".

Take it from an Naruto fan!
Should be "a".

She grabbed the RA from Whitney and opened it to the Mini Adoption Agency.
She opened the Remote Activator? (Should be "a portal".)

Bayonetta stared after the portal as it closed, her guns lowering.
Not being a native speaker, I’m not sure whether this preposition can and should be used here.

HG

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