It doesn’t feel like you rushed to get into the mission, so I call this progress from previous stories.

(Typo detected: er uniform came in two pieces.)

(PPC canon error detected: The mission report is what you are just writing. What lucky agents get to read before they go on a mission – while unlucky agents are just sent in not knowing what to expect – is an "intelligence report" or "Intel report".)

But then you rush through the mission. I don’t agree with other comments that the fic is too short for a mission, but we definitely need more description of what Kelly sees and we need to listen to her thoughts. Just for fun, I’ll list what I spot (not being a native speaker, not knowing the canon, and giving the dialogue some leeway for writing the accent of future pirate folks) and what I would do about it.

1. Ambiguously misspelled title "Little Treasuer" (Might be made a running gag: Every other paragraph, Kelly tries to spot the little treasure or to figure out who might be meant to be the little treasurer. Alas, it doesn’t work, because the writer repeated the title in the fic’s first line, and there it is definitely "Little Treasure". Question to more experienced PPCers: Is there a legitimate way to ignore an in-fic title line?)

2. My eyes wonder around our house (No idea. Guessing the right spelling and then taking the "wandering eyes" literally is probably not an option. If Kelly doesn’t see anything weird, she may wonder what eyes "wondering around a house" should look like.)

3. You know the rules, no sitting to the counter. (I’m not a native speaker. Is "sitting to the counter" synonymous to "sitting on the counter" or to "sitting at the counter" or something totally different? In the second case, Kelly may see Jenna in two places at the same time, or rapidly moving between "sitting on the counter" and "sitting at the counter".)

4. Speaking of witch (Kelly spots a witch in the room. I guess Treasure Planet doesn’t have witches, so what the witch does and whether she looks like a Disney witch or a Harry Potter witch or somebody else depends on the canons Kelly knows.)

5. Dropping the plats she was holding. (Probably just a misspelled "plates", not a homophone. My dictionary doesn’t know "plats".)

6. The other on looks at me. (Is there a third robot cop who is "off”?)

7. I run up to my door and push my ear agents it. ("Agents of the PPC! What are you doing here? This is my badfic to spork!")

8. its din heard enough keeping this place a flout be myself (Several lines may be spent on an inner monologue while Kelly tries to figure out what she just heard. "be myself" is probably just talking like a pirate – a language doubly foreign to me – but whose din [retranslating German translations: shenanigans, hubbub, hullabaloo, row, slapstick, ballyhoo, fuss, riot, racket, uproar] is Jenna’s mother talking about, what did it hear and how is a din even able to hear something, who made the Benbow Inn a flout [insult, offense, scathe, affront, defamation, indignity, derision, jeer, mockery, ridicule, scoff, taunt] and why would somebody want to keep it that? Confusing the agent will certainly be one of the charges.)

9. but its never his fault (Again with the missing apostrophe. No idea what to do with whoever’s never – it’s not a noun.)

I don’t see how you got from "a flout" to flutes, and I didn’t spot a door wearing pants, but that may be my different perception of a language I didn’t grow up with.

One last thing: She wondered just how a writer could use so many homophones and expect her story to be read.
Please don’t. We talk about stories, not about their writers.

HG

You had some good ideas here that I wish you'd gone more in detail with. The part where you described the problems with the fic seemed a little rushed, especially after the loving detail paid to Kelly's getting dressed. I would have really liked to see the quote that led to a door wearing pants and the other odd ways the Word World interpreted the fic. You implied that there were a lot of funny mistakes with homophones -- it would have been more fun to see them rather than just hear about them. And to see Kelly's reaction to them. Did they make her mission more difficult?

You have interesting ideas, and I like that you write for unusual fandoms, but I think you need to work on structuring your missions. If I may make a suggestion, I'd recommend trying to line up a cowrite. One can learn a lot from collaborating with more experienced writers.

--Key

Honestly, while the fic as written has the bones of badfic, I don't think it really has enough content to qualify. It's not even 500 words long, and covers a single scene. In general, I'd try to pick longer fic, or at least ones that have more actual content, because it gives you more to work with.

Also, your mission needs more content as well. Short missions are fine, not everything needs to be a multi-part epic, but this is shorter than most Permission prompts and takes about ten minutes of actual time. There's no tension or humor or anything else that makes it enjoyable to read - or, presumably, write. The fact that it's a solo mission means there isn't even any inter-character banter. I have to wonder what inspired you to write this in the first place, because it feels rather obligatory, like you're writing this because you have to rather than because you want to.

First of all, jumping the gun on Skarm is not cool. While he could've phrased things better, what you did was pretty rude (not to mention detrimental to the quality of your mission). You should, at least, apologise to him.

That being said, there are also things to say about the mission itself:
-Frankly, the badfic isn't bad enough. It's too short and consists of "Jim has an uncanon little sister" and nothing else. Remember — the PPC is about making funny (good) stories out of bad ones, not pointing at stories and saying "that's bad". Having an uncanon relative isn't bad in and of itself — cf. this WH40K x [secret] fic (the usual "this is WH40K, grimderp ahoy" warning applies, of course). Other words, there isn't enough substance in the fic.

-Related to that, "is an uncanon relative" isn't grounds for assassination, since it doesn't automatically make a character Suvian.

-The mission itself lacks the proper "buildup, climax, resolve" curve that most stories have. It's basically "Kelly went in, killed an OC, got out", except told in 311 words instead of eight.

-There are a couple small errors here and there — things that a SPaG beta would've caught, probably.

To be completely frank, I agree with Skarm: I think this mission should be taken down for revisions.

I did not give you the greenlight to post this mission, despite my feedback, and on top of that you haven't consulted with a second beta who would probably be better at it and less busy than me anyway. I am not amused by your haste on any level, and I would kindly recommend that you take this mission offline and have it beta-read properly before any public release.

And before you respond to me trying to defend yourself, remember how angry and reckless I got when you first requested Permission due to a tense situation being made a lot worse. I don't want that happening again. We wish to help you not only become a better writer, but a better participant in the Internet community as well, so like it or not, please heed our advice.