Isn't the reason we ask newbies to name the badfic they plan to spork first so that the PGs can see that the applicant knows what makes a badfic sporkable? IIRC, people applying for Permission have been denied for choosing from the Unclaimed Badfic list, let alone adopting one that a community member with thorough knowledge of PPC missions has abandoned.

Not to mention, since Ix is back, she might want to re-claim the fic? I don't know how this would work.

--Key

OK, disclaimer: I don't even have Permission yet, so I'm certainly not a PG. Most of the constructive criticism I could offer has already been said, so I'll skip over that. I'd defer to other people who've been around longer than me and actually know what they're doing if they say that any of this is wrong.

What I can say is that there's a wonderful guide on the PPC wiki all about creating characters. I think that two of the reasons agents usually work in pairs are that (1.) it reduces the likelihood of accidentally writing a Sue/Stu, and (2.) it allows for humorous banter and more character development. Try creating a partner for Cyan and see what happens.

Beyond just going through a wiki walk about the PPC, I'd recommend reading missions and interludes done by other people, finding something you like, and thinking about why you like it. What are the agents like? How do they develop over time? Thinking about these things will help with creating your own characters and their personalities.

Hoom, hoom.

Activity: Do I know you? You've only been around for six days. The reason we usually tell people to wait a month before asking for Permission is because the PPC is a community first and foremost; we like knowing the people who want to write in the 'verse.

PPC knowledge: I think other people did my work for me, here — yours is lacking. Please read around some more.

Fic to spork: Well. It is my humble opinion that "My Immortal" (and other fics of the sort) are very hard to tackle correctly. Going for "My Immortal" for your first mission is like wanting to drive a Formula 1 race car before you even know how to switch gears.

Writing ability (technical): Your spelling is fine, but your grammar isn't. There are multiple tense shifts in your two prompts. A beta-reader isn't just for SPaG, though it's usually expected that they will comment on SPaG mistakes they find. A beta's job is to look over the story and catch the mistakes you don't; the good ones also tell you when you write nonsense, too. Based on the stuff in your prompts — yes, you need a beta. Preferably, more than one.


Writing ability (creative): Well then. The prompts are, frankly, too short to be interesting and are full of plot holes and mistakes — Granz, Larfen and HG pointed most of those out. Further, Permission prompts should be between 400 and 800 words. While this isn't a hard rule, you need a good reason to break it, and I don't see one here.

Conclusion: You need to hang around for some more time, get to know people and let the community get to know you. You need to step up your game w.r.t. knowledge of the PPC and the technical quality of your pieces. You need to use the services of a beta reader(s). Permission denied.

Now, first of all I'm no PG. Right with that out of the way, let's get down to it.

First of all the subject title, more importantly the bit in brackets '(if this fails I'll try again later)'. Now, it's good that you're not going to just give up after one try, but one of the things that is stated in the Permission article on the PPC Wiki is "7) Once you're sufficiently oriented and sure of what you want to do, post your permission request on the Board." To me, you're not sure of what you want to do, by putting those brackets in there, it says to me that you're not sure whether to do this,and you've put it out more jut because you can rather than because you want to. Also, when is later? Is it later today? Next week? Next month? I would suggest the latter, but it's not encouraging to see those brackets in the subject title.

Secondly we'll look at the first sentence "For how new I am." One of the things about getting Permission is that enough people should know you. Your introductory post is still on the first page and is less than a week old. Take some time to get to know your surroundings, and get to know everyone in this community so that they can know a bit about you.

Thirdly, onto Agent Cyan. Having played Terraria myself, I know that you can name your character's just about whatever you want, so Cyan is a fine enough name, likewise the lack of surname is no problem to me. The rest of the Basic Stuff is also OK as far as I can see. Now, the first sentence of the appearance is mostly fine, the only details I would add in, are things like length of hair, facial hair, any scars, stuff like that, otherwise that's OK.
Whilst the rest of his appearance is nice to know, I shouldn't have flick back to the Terraria Wiki every time you mention anew item to double check what it looks like. Whilst you may know what it looks like, not everyone does and "Go and look at the Terraria Wiki" is not the best response. Instead I would describe each item briefly, for example "The Flurry boots are a pair of dark blue boots with little wings at the back, they help Cyan run faster." or "The Night Vision Helmet is a grey and blue helmet that has small green visor over the wearers eyes that, obviously, helps them see in the dark.".
You could do the same with the Vortex Armor, briefly describing either the entire set, or each piece so people know what it looks like, and you can even say a bit about what it does (for those who don't know, Vortex Armor is one of the best sets of armour in Terraria, with a rather large amount of bonuses attached to it, including the ability to turn invisible and a massive bonus to ranged damage, which when combined with Phantasm, which I will talk about in a second, would potentially make Agent Cyan able to go toe to toe with most Sues at range). As I said in the brackets, Phantasm, I would of personally put it in its own little subcategory called "Weapons" and then, like everything else from Terraria described it a bit more, so something like "Phantasm is a mystical, grey-coloured bow with blue crystals poking out of it. It has the ability to fire fours arrows for every arrow the user loads into it. In addition every time an arrow from Phantasm hits a target an additional barrage of arrows is fired from Phantasm for no cost."

Now, just from what I've talked about above, I want to make an extra point here. To most people, the way you've described Cyan's appearance makes it sound like whilst he is on missions he swaps his Flurry Boots and Night Vision Helmet out for the corresponding bits of Vortex Armour, whilst this is true for the Night Vision Helmet, Flurry Boots, are what is called an accessory in Terraria, this means that they are worn alongside the Armour, which when combined with everything else makes Cyan rather OP even when compared to some of the ex-Sue Agents (and hell even some Sues).

For almost the rest of the Permission request I'm simply going to say I agree with Granz, because a) I agree with him b) he posted here first and I don't feel like copying and c) he's put it better than I ever would.

There is, however, one more point I would like to look at, that being Cyan's History. His history sounds more like something to come out of Starbound than Terraria, and whilst in some ways they are similar, Starbound is its own Continuum with its own story etc. So, having checked all the patch notes etc, I can't work out how a) Cyan helped build/built the rocket, there's nothing in the current game that suggest such a thing is even possible and b) where the other Terrarians came from, unless you mean the Town NPC's, although it doesn't make sense for some of them to be on a rocket. Whilst yes it is possible to get into 'space' in Terraria, it is much more like the space near the planet than anything else (you can also breathe in that space, who knew?). Also we don't know where the Vortexians come from, given they seem to appear with the Moon Lord (implying they potentially come from Terraria's moon), but we don't know so the planet idea may be correct.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say with regard to the above paragraph is that, whilst it can be hard to come up with ways to get your Agent from their Home Continuum to the PPC HQ, they've also got to be believable, and in some ways recognizable from the canon viewpoint too. For example if I wanted to get a Terraria Character to the PPC I would say that during a fight with the Moon Lord (Imagine Cthulu's brother, non-Terraria people) my character accidentally fell through a portal left by the death of a Vortexian, and ended up in the PPC HQ... for example.

Storme Hawk
Who hopes this helps, and is terribly sorry for any SPaG problems in the above post.

P.S I would recommend looking at the Permission article on the PPC wiki and doing the Permission Self Check that is linked there.
P.P.S One handy link: http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Permission

the Marquis de Sod will probably turn down your job application for multiple reasons, but that is not for me to decide. I have to deal with just one minor issue; keeping the shared multiverse consistent is hard work and requires lots of research. You need to work on your knowledge of PPC canon:

1. There is no Mini-Aragog Adoption Center in PPC HQ.
   
2. There is a Mini Adoption Center, but you will not find any Mini-Aragogs there.
   
3. Mini-Aragogs are supposed to work at the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy as security staff or manufacturing Bleeprin. Adoption of Mini-Aragogs who are not needed there must be arranged with Miss Brin or the appropriate member of HFA’s staff.
   
4. The PPC’s Mini Adoption Center exists only as a temporary home for Minis who cannot be sent to the Official Fanfiction University for their respective canon because the Canon Protection Initiative is not aware of such an University existing.

Sincerely yours,

The Snowdrop, Inofficial Head of Department, Uncanonical Department of Inaccuracies

but, you don't think you want to spend a wee bit more time developing the fellow?

I have a few problems, here, if you'd like to hear them.

The personality needs some development. I mean, take a look at what we can acquire, here.
Enthusiastic, outgoing, non-specifically imaginative (everybody comes up with new ideas to terminate Sues and Stus as they go,) and disliking a long series of things everyone dislikes (except for things larger than them. I'm, personally, fine with those sorts of entities.)
A great bit of advice I heard from someone somewhere about characterisation is: can you imagine what he's doing on his time off? What he's doing outside the stories?
The more clear the image you have, the better characterised it probably is.
You could also afford to be more specific with things. Why does he like what he likes? Why does he dislike what he dislikes? Why does he bother to be imaginative, or outgoing? Why does he feel so much responsibility for fixing canons? Why did he join the PPC?

In addition, his history and personality don't really seem to jibe, and, if they do, you haven't given enough explanation for how.
When I am presented with the concept of a person who has been trapped on an escape pod alone for five years, with nothing else to go on but my own assumptions, I immediately assume this person:
- Wants to go home.
- Is not remotely socially well-adjusted.
- Doesn't care about the state of any canons.
- Will probably not be looking for any job prospects.
You know what I mean?

I've not gone into the prompts, or anything like that, though, I could probably find some time to take a look if you'd like.
Anyway, those're my permission giver-less thoughts.
Good luck with the permission and agents and whatnot!

is that you're not quite ready. Now, I'm no PG, but I'll tell you what I think.

In terms of just general advise, first, you're rather new. It's been less than a week since you've introduced yourself, and we'd like to be sure you're not gonna go poof, and just get to know you, see what you're like.

Second, get a beta. I've got three lined up, even if I've only really worked in-depth with one, and trust me, they're a gift from God, Allah, [Insert appropriate name of higher power here], or random chance, whatever you believe or don't believe in. They're incredibly helpful, and not just for SPaG. They help you with characterization, plot, and, well, just about everything! I know that my prompts and bios would be ten times worse without Larfen around.

Now, on to your pieces. Let's start with length of the pieces, since that's really what stood out to me at first glance. The longer one is only 247 words, and the shorter one is only 198. Honestly, they're too short for me to really get a feel for Cyan or your writing style. I'd make them longer, especially since not only do they feel short, when you look at them, the length makes them see a little hasty.

Talking about Cyan, I know nothing about Terraria, so I won't comment on the name, and if he's supposed to be human, the description's alright, though wearing the exact same outfit every day might get a little weird if you don't give a reason. Also, why does he wear armor? It seems like something he wouldn't really need, given that most of the time, direct combat with Sues is at least a Bad Idea, if not a Very Bad Idea.

Now, as for personality, he seems like he's the kind of person who gets lost in his head sometimes. Is that on purpose? If it's not, consider the kind of impression you give of your characters with your words. However, other than that and his likes and dislikes, I can't really get much of him from this. Surely there's a bit more you know about him you'd like to tell us. Additionally, just because it's in the same area, the flow would probably be improved if you changed 'goes. Usually' to 'goes, usually'.

I don't have much to say about his powers. Hammerspace seems like it could be used for comedic effect, and half the agents pick up bags or something that work just like it anyways. For an example, see Valon Vance's vest. I would like to know what he can do with his mana, or just what kind of spells Terraria has in general, but that's not too important. The biggest problem is his knowledge. I don't quite know how living in a video game would give him knowledge of its mechanic. To make a comparison, before the PPC, most D&D agents wouldn't know about things like skill points, unless they're from OotS, and they certainly wouldn't know, say, Costume Fairies, which I believe Data started a RP for.

As for his history, as I said, I don't know anything about Terraria, so I wouldn't be able to comment on how the space measures up, but I would like to know why his pod didn't return to the planet. Even saying something as simple as 'There was a malfunction in the pod's guidance system, so instead of returning to Terraria like it was supposed to, it ended up randomly drifting off into space,' could improve it vastly. Speaking of space, how did he survive? How long was he up there? A week? A year? Details, details. They're very important.

I'm also a little unsure how he managed to pass through so many plotholes with so great an interval between them. I'd understand if he only passed through one, and showed up in, say, Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, and maybe got shoved through another plothole to another continuum before finally arriving in the PPC, or if he fell through several plotholes in quick succession, but the way it's presented doesn't quite make sense. Furthermore, does he interact with canons, or just wander around the worlds? Maybe use the word 'continuum' so that we can tell whether you're talking about characters or series. Also, if it's the second, why? Why not just set him loose to wander the wide, wide world of the continuum? Logically, he probably wouldn't even find them, especially in a continuum with many continents, dimensions, planets, etc., and without easy means of getting between the multiple continents, dimensions, planets, etc.

Now, I think the bit about Mary Sues is interesting. Personally, I think it'd be really cool if, say, a Mary Sue randomly showed up and started using his new friends as bit characters to be disposed of once she got to the canons, and he got angry at her warping their minds and told her to stop, and one thing leads to another and she's dead by his hands, and a pair of very confused PPC agents are now wondering why their Sue is dead, but the Words don't dictate it and they didn't kill her. Oh, and a minor thing, I believe you meant in, rather than on, as nobody's really sure what the outside of HQ looks like, even Xericka.

Now, something I'm wondering about is why you decided only to use one agent. Two is the norm, because it's very useful. Partners do things like restrain each other, express the full range of reasons that PPCers get mad at badfic without being inserts, which are, of course, not always bad, and help provide some interaction between characters to make things more interesting. This isn't to say that one isn't possible, but think long and hard about it before you decide on it.

So, since we've gotten through your agent, let's address your first prompt. In the second sentence, I believe you meant jobs instead of job, since they all do different jobs, but otherwise, I like the opening. However, I don't know why Cyan is being sent into a mission without any training. Do the Flowers occasionally randomly drop somebody who literally has no experience whatsoever into a badfic? Yes. Do they drop teams into badfic without making sure that at least one of them knows the continuum in question, and at least one has some experience? No. They're understaffed, and so while they have a tendency to overwork their agents, they do try to make sure that they'll survive their first mission, and do it properly. Even if he doesn't have an official partner, you could draft, say, Luxury into your mission, and have her show him the ropes. Of course, she'll try to do it in more ways than one, but maybe he'd enjoy that.

In terms of description, I'd say it's fine, though you might want to spread it out a little, but I'd say that's relatively low priority and probably based on opinion. However, I did notice here that you switched between past and present tense, then back again, but it's not too jarring.

I'm not sure how he knows that Wednesday is the day the Cafeteria serves real food, since he's only been there for one day. Perhaps he has had some training?

Uh oh. We've got a bit of a spacial distortion here. How does he hear his Console from all the way in the Cafeteria? His RC should be x units of distance away from the Cafeteria, whereas x is proportional to the amount of attention somebody walking from the Cafeteria to that particular RC is paying to getting where they're going. And again, wasn't he just in the Cafeteria? Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, you forgot to capitalize 'Cafeteria' in your second paragraph. Anyways, he's supposed to be in the Cafeteria, not his RC. Perhaps you meant that he was just getting ready to leave for the Cafeteria from his RC?

You spend a little too little time describing his preparations, I think, especially since how somebody gets ready for something can tell you something about them, and since we don't really know Cyan, this is a good place to give us some indirect characterization.

The banana peel... honestly, it kind of falls flat. It's a little too matter-of-fact, not quite absurd enough, and, well, cliché. Additionally, agents actually have to set up the portals, and describing them doing so is important, because it means that they're moving from place to place, not just teleporting for... some reason.

Get the advice of somebody who knows mountains for this. I couldn't tell you anything about this, either, but I do think it only taking a few minutes to fall down a mountains is a tad unrealistic. A hill, yes, but a mountain, no.

Hmm... not necessarily a bad ending, though, again, maybe talk about him getting up and dusting himself off? I'd say the weakest part of this is that you spend too little time on describing events, so it's almost like an audiobook CD that keeps skipping forwards ten seconds and leaving you wondering what just happened.

Okay, so on to the second prompt. The first paragraph appears to be setting up something dramatic, and so seems a little short, but it's not too bad. The last sentence feels a little redundant, but it could certainly be worse.

Here, I actually kind of laughed. That is pretty funny, though I'm not quite sure why Cyan's talking to the replacement in the first place. Additionally, it's an important step on the road to characterization. Dialogue is important, dear... uh... Okay, I admit it, I don't actually know what your name means, so I'll just say dear newbie.

My Immortal, huh? That's ambitious of you, and while ambition's not necessarily a bad thing, maybe try one or two regular missions before you tackle something that horrendous? We'd hate to lose somebody to actual insanity, you see.

I'm not quite sure how the RA malfunctioning leads to "Tom" getting into HQ. Note: I'm not mocking your use of the name Tom. I'm mocking the fact that this replacement dares to try and make one associate it with Lord Voldemort.

Wait, who? Who's this Redigit? Why does Cyan expect him? Is he an agent? A Mini? A banana? Come on, give us some clues! Oh, and consider having "Tom" at least snarl in reply, or something. Surely he's got something to say in response to Cyan's comment.

Hours? Um... I'm not sure either character would really be able to run for hours, unless you're meaning to imply that it was only really a couple minutes, but HQ's messing with his sense of time.

The chase music thing might be funny. Does his music player play situationally appropriate music all the time? Or just when he really, really needs it to shut up?

Here, we've- oh, wait, we have a switch from past to present tense. Again, problem, but easily fixed, just change a few verbs. But, as I was saying, there's this thing about beelines and HQ. They don't mix. The harder you try to get somewhere in HQ, the more it will twist and turn to keep you from getting where. The best was of getting anywhere is usually to sing, dance, or determinedly not think about pink elephants. Note: That last one is only useful if you're not actually trying to find pink elephants, and/or the IO isn't listening to your brain.

It's just the Mini Adoption Center, actually, and while dumping a character in there and letting all the minis shred them might be a good idea, I get the feeling the people inside the place would get rather annoyed at your for doing that.

Shouldn't he know that LV's not arachnophobic? After all, he is supposed to have read the books, and that... thing... that was recently published, so that he can properly note all the charges in the fic. Oh, and where's your dialogue tags? You might want to at least use one.

Again, a lack of description here really puts a dent in my enjoyment of this. Details, details, details! You could get three or four paragraphs at least out of that, and make them absolutely hysterical. And, last new thing, agents are supposed to stay and make sure the characters die, so that they don't, say, pop back at an inconvenient moment later in the fic and do something horrible to the agents, and so that the Flowers don't yell at them.

In conclusion, I'd say that before you do anything else, you should work on adding more descriptions about actions and the environment, and get a beta. If you do those two things, I'd say that the problems I have will vanish, just like ninjas who use smoke bombs. Oh, and I know I said that I wouldn't add anything new, but I must ask, what RC number do you intend to use?