Subject: Hey there!
Author:
Posted on: 2016-09-11 12:53:00 UTC

Well, you're certainly thorough. Nothing left for me to ask, really, so here's a Royal Ice Cream Container! Instructions for operating are as follows:

1. Close lid.
2. Speak desired flavor of ice cream aloud.
3. Open lid.
4. Enjoy!

Comes with all, and I mean all flavors, but don't blame me if you vomit from the Grass, Turnips, and Human Flesh combo. *Shudders.* Please, don't make that exist, for my sake. Oh, it also functions as a very effective shield. Our tests have proved that, when in direct confrontation with a nuclear bomb, the Royal Ice Cream Container wins. The ice cream isn't even radioactive afterwards. However, this particular one has a slight flaw in its magical programming. If you attempt to try Spidren-flavored ice cream, and again, I beg you, don't make that exist. It's rather disturbing to think of a human eating that. However, if you do decide to try it, when you open the lid, you'll get a vision straight from the Chamber of the Ordeal, and seriously, those suck. Ask Kel. If you don't know what either of those things are, and the phrase 'Protector of the Small' means absolutely nothing to you, then just take my word for it and don't make Spidren-flavored ice cream.

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