Okay, so I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we have something extra special coming up after this report - more on that later. The bad news is that today was utterly boring.
Nobody died. Nobody! Where's the fun in that? The best we had to watch last night was reigning champion Lola sneaking into the cafeteria for food, or the bizarre spectacle of Peregrin trying to bandage a hologram's injuries.
Be fair; Derik and Hop's sleep-duel was entertaining.
Yes, until they woke up. And once everyone was awake… more nothing! Just a bunch of people running away from each other all day, plus Derik doing his best to electrocute himself.
So are you thinking about running the-?
Shh! And yes. But that still doesn't make up for today. Not even seeing Lux try to seduce holo-Acacia makes up for today.
It's pretty funny, though.
… true.
Well! After that awful report, it's time for some good news. We'll take a short break, and then we'll have an extra special report from NTV's very own… Dafydd Illian!
Some Suvians just won't die. Some CAFs resist everything you can throw at them. Some wraiths are just too corporeal to exorcise.
Fortunately, there is a solution. Order Ye Olde Poisonous Poison now, and never find killing too hard again.
Hello. Before I start, I have to correct Undis Closed: I am not 'NTV's own'. I work with them occasionally, but never for them. Got it? Good.
Now: you know what's worse than getting killed in the Hunger Games? That's right: getting killed early in the Hunger Games. All that anticipation, all that training, and you just go out straight away. It's awful. This year, that was me, going out in the Qualifiers. So a few of us got together, talked to NTV, and persuaded them to simulate a run-off, to give us all a second chance.
Then we had to bully or abduct all the
other failed qualifiers. That took a while, but finally we were ready. We headed into the backup holodeck, and ran the program.
And then I got killed.
Again. Navare wasn't even aiming for me - he had his sights on Zee, but… missed. For all that, though, I'm not quite last place in the Games - that honour goes to Laura Dukes, who found Harris quite unwilling to grant her quarter. Then, seconds before I took my hit, Morgan stabbed July out of the games, giving me a comfortable 70th place.
The bloodbath lived up to its name for once: Richard took out Hip, while Colt and Jesse ganged up on Barid. Holo-Acacia's holo-partner, Holo-Jay, took a stab at Corolla, but the little Unison Device was only stunned. Not the only one - Constance managed to knock herself out, too. Oh dear, love.
So the survivors spread out into HQ, and we saw an immediate teamup I'm going to call Team Murder: Richard, Jesse, and Harris. They didn't manage to kill anyone, though: that honour went to Corolla, who succeeded in poisoning Navare. Obviously, I was cheering her on. Connie managed to hunt down the Canon Library and spent the day reading - attagirl.
And then, just as everyone was winding up for the night, bang: out went the lights. The producers had sprung one of their dreaded arena event, and it was absolute mayhem. Team Murder got separated in the confusion: Richard managed to hunt down Colt and eliminate him as competition, but Jesse ended up falling to the Tiger Lily.
Nor were they the only ones. Our two Time Lords, Morgan and the Aviator, both tried to portal away from the darkness, but both portal generators malfunctioned. You might think that sounds suspicious- oh, hello, it's Sergio, isn't it? How nice to see you. Hmm? Oh - pause recording.
-esume. Sorry about that. The rest of the deaths were a mixture of skill and comedy. Ix and Rayner essentially suicided against Zee and Sarah in the dark, while Corolla successfully stalked and killed Doctor Peep. Since I'm on her side, I assume the Doctor was an archvillain of some description. But the kill of the event goes to Agent Alleb, who first robbed Holo-Jay of everything except the shirt on her back, then came back and laid her out cold.
Constance, you'll be glad to know, stayed in the library the entire time. I think she had a torch.
So, by the end of day one of the runoffs, more than half of us were dead. Only ten tributes remained to go into the first night - which we'll see tomorrow.
Oh, apparently after the break we'll have interviews with the tributes from the main games. Possibly some from the runoff, as well? I'm not really clear on what they're doing.
Fire. Fire is good. Fire is clean. Fire will solve all your problems. Use fire.
This message has been brought to you by the Department of Geographical Aberrations. If you burn things, we'll burn them with you.
So this was apparently a really good day to start the runoffs. I love the fact that they're insanely murderous - far more so than the main games!
You can do interviews with your runoff competitors if you want, but as Dafydd said, you don't have to.
hS