Subject: Concrit
Author:
Posted on: 2018-05-22 14:09:00 UTC
As far as I can determine, Kat said both lines in the sequence:
“Whatever. I’m so bored I think I want a mission.”
Kat would probably regret that as soon as they did.
“Shall we play a card game?”
Why does this warrant three paragraphs? I would put it all into one:
“Whatever. I’m so bored I think I want a mission.” Kat would probably regret that as soon as they did.“Shall we play a card game?”
Also, concerning paragraphs, this text would be much easier on the eye if you put extra blank lines between paragraphs, like you can see in the other stories for this prompt. You don’t see this done in print, because there it would waste a lot of paper (so print media have more sophisticated standards, like indenting the first line of each paragraph), but blank lines between paragraphs are a quasi-standard on the web. (Neshomeh already told you this, but you may not have understood what she meant by "double-space between paragraphs".)
If I could be talked into playing a game of cards, we apparently would play different games here in Germany. Thus, not recognizing the rules, I can’t be sure which climax this is building up to before we’re cliffhangered by the beeping console. (Edward only wins if he can force out that king? He’s aiming for a total victory, not letting Kat get a single trick?) But I can see the build-up anyway. Well played.
HG