Subject: good work
Author:
Posted on: 2018-02-25 15:17:00 UTC
Is this the first completed mission in the Warhammer 40,000 continuum? If so, congratulations on breaking new ground. If not, the mission is still good and the wiki is inaccurate.
And do they not say that it never rains but it pours?
Scape put up an interlude. Ix put up an interlude. And now Nesh and I have finally completed a new mission.
Featuring: sheep, unlikely brothers, footnotes, large appendages, and overly dramatic agents.
The mission should be up on Nesh's website soon, but for the time being, you can view it on on Google Docs at https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vQ3cSKS2Z1ci1PUhuPOS5M-cEH0gaD-73HL3kSPuq9Jtsq95He4TW_IepMXVfKTShPmkKgL3elFLf/pub
Wow. That was a ride. I know nothing about Warhammer beyond, uh, memey pictures posted online, but I feel like you guys painted a good picture of the battles there, and the general mood of seriousness and pessimism that seems to be the thing, there.
I like that you've brought together two very serious, somber, large-bodied men, and spent a lot of time developing an emotional bond between them. In addition to their own ongoing character development, it makes a nice contrast with the Sue in this mission: one hulking space cyborg thinks only of himself and interacts with his fists, while our big PPC boys are supportive of each other and keep their violence in check until the moment it's needed. Tom is also a welcome source of humor and light-heartedness throughout the mostly gloomy environments of the mission.
Little moments I liked: the warsheep, the Python chanting, Huinesoron's rant, and Tom's arrival on the battlefield, flanked by rock-and-roll speakers.
One typo I noticed: I believe you wanted "gates of Bree"?
". . . the agents hadn’t bothered to look ahead, and were suddenly yanked to the gates Bree with the abruptness of a poorly written transition."
—doctorlit, rebelling against imagining movieverse!Thorin in his mind's eye
All typos fixed in both versions.
I hadn't thought about the contrast with our guys and Androch, but the importance of those bonds between battle-brothers is one of the things that makes the Horus Heresy novels really appealing to me, which does make Androch's selfishness even more irritating. It's not all big boys with big weapons destroying stuff because they can, like I thought it would be—there's a lot of real human emotion there, too. I mean, I'm pretty sure soldiers everywhere really only fight for the people beside them when it comes down to it, and your average Space Marine is no exception. Which makes the whole thing extremely tragic, because nobody can ever have nice things, ever.
And one of the great things about the PPC is the opportunities it affords to throw people together who could never meet any other way and see what happens. And I think it's fair to say both Thoth and I are suckers for things turning out nice. {= )
~Neshomeh
...You should see SeaTurtle. Alistair and Corellieth are adorable. :-)
And yeah, the human aspects of Space Marines, which the games do their best to claim don't exist, and the novels explore far better (yet another reason to prefer novel canon to 'dex canon, if you're counting), are what make them interesting characters. They're not brainless, they're not inhuman. They're stoic supersoldiers, but they have thoights and feelings of their own.
...And balancing that rigid training and actual emotion is something I worry about, because it's a bit tricky. But I do my best.
But as is my habit, I spotted some technical errors:
it seems our Stu was was born in a ‘test-tub.’
Paging the Repetitive Department of Repetition.
Then I cannot even kill the man who was partially responsible for making my brothers and I the shadows we are?
Shouldn’t this be “my brothers and me”?
HG
I fixed on the Doc. Nesh will fix her version soon, no doubt.
Is this the first completed mission in the Warhammer 40,000 continuum? If so, congratulations on breaking new ground. If not, the mission is still good and the wiki is inaccurate.
If there are any others, I'm not aware of them. It is funny, though, since there have been several agents from the 40k continuum and there are plenty of fans in the community. I feel like a total poser having my name on the first mission there, having only gotten into the Horus Heresy novels about a month before starting it, but it's been such fun I'm glad it happened this way. ^_^
Was there anything in particular you liked about the story?
~Neshomeh
I find the mission quite funny, what with elvish cursing and the "one bloody caprine..." line, and the badfic itself has some powerful strangeness, like the main character apparently having three hands, battle sheep, cheat leather, and the inexplicably funny misspelling that is Slaneesh. Also, I'm glad to see the 41st (31st?) millennium finally get a mission.
...I'm gonna have a hard time doing a follow-up mission after this.
(Especially since Nesh wrote a lot of the really good parts :P)
I have a lot of practice at noticing the absurd and pushing it into the extremely absurd, but the trick is simply to always be asking yourself "how would this be the most ridiculous?" Preferably in a way that makes your characters suffer react in amusing ways. ^_^ The point, after all, is to show why bad writing is bad. That's the key difference between a mission and an MST.
Of course, it won't always work. Humor is subjective. But the best humor is based firmly in truth, so it's important to always be honest to the source material as you interpret it.
And remember that a lot of good stuff came about during rewrites. It doesn't happen by magic, it happens by thinking pretty hard about it. Comedy is serious business. {= )
So, basically, the Neshomeh Method is this:
1. Push the envelope.
2. Show, don't tell.
3. Be honest.
4. Keep pushing that envelope.
~Neshomeh, presenting this advice to the Board at large for posterity.
I ope your spin-off will continue for long and be as fun as that mission was to read.
One thing though *Look again at te way the bit captain behaved*. Are you sure the captain you neuralized didn't decide to change name after the mission to something like... Cato Sicarius? Because cool spin-off or not, I'f that's the case, I'mm not sure I could forgive you for creating the Worst Ultrasmurf Ever.
I don't know that much about Cato Sicarius, but from what I have heard, I suspect Kyrastus would probably hate him just like he hated Androch. {= )
~Neshomeh sadly has neither the knowledge nor the time to write a Where Is He Now? for Kyrastus.
Might get around to writing a proper review, but my brain's frazzled.
I just wanted y'all to know this was good and I enjoyed reading it, even if I know... uh, nothing about 40k. Cheers.
Here's the mission on Neshomeh's Archive. And I believe all three of these are adoptable:
Mini-grox
* Tera
* Slaneesh (comes with panties on his head)
Mini-Balrog
* Arcenstone
~Neshomeh will be adding stuff to the wiki in due time.
This has nothing to do with the mission (well, nearly nothing), but I didn't want to start a new thread, sooo...
I wrote a song. Or rather, I wrote lyrics, and my friend wrote a gorgeous melody and accompaniment. You can hear her singing it there, at her SoundCloud.
Derik made me do it. That's the only reason it's kinda-sorta-but-not-really related.
But anyway. Song. Yeeee. ^_^
~Neshomeh is brimming with creativity!
I mean, I'm biased because I betad, but I think it turned out really really well! (Expect a return of the armored ovoid if I ever write a deliberate badfic where it would be actually appropriate. Because that is far too funny to not.)