Subject: Re: prompt
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Posted on: 2018-02-14 03:54:00 UTC

My favorite part of this is that first paragraph. The run-on sentences, with the chains of commas, work well to show that we're seeing Tom's thought process in regards to the actions he's taking in the game, before the more proper sentences of the next paragraph take over again to express actual, physical action. Even though Tom isn't speaking that paragraph out loud, I feel it also works as a stylistic counterpoint to the way Thoth describes his training later, with much more detail and more formal sentence structure.

Nitpicks: Half-Life should be italicized. Also, "grendade."

—doctorlit, always with the nitpicks, though

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