Subject: Cassandra Aubrey and the Valiant Cavalier
Posted on: 2018-02-09 14:05:00 UTC
"So, we've got a new player this evening, everyone. This is Cassie, she's a DMS agent, and I'd like to welcome her to the Coterie of Light. Say hi!"
A chorus of muted "Hi"s greeted Cass as she shuffled her feet. Her hair hung down over her face like the shutters on a corner shop, and after a few moments of immense internal struggle, she said hi back.
"Doctor Peep, is she here because of what happened with Bill?"
"Well, Gabrielle, that entirely depends on how much you enjoyed playing in a party with Supreme Commander Murdertron, Chief Eye-Gouger of the Army of Extra Deadly Death."
"Welcomewelcomewelcome! Come sit next to me! Would you like some snacks? My partner made everybody snacks. He's kinda like that."
"Um." Cassie said. Then "Thank you." Then "I'm sorry, but how are you allowed to be that fluffy?"
"Aw! Thank you! I'm a Flareon is why, but it's also because people brush me and snuggle me when I'm on the wards. I'm a therapy Pokemon with the MPND Clinic, but Doctor Peep is my therapist too!"
Gabrielle beamed. Cassie nodded back, her eyes a little wide. "Er. Okay. That's... nice?"
"So who are you playing? I'm the cleric, because making people not hurt any more is awesome!"
"Um. Valiant Cavalier. It's a paladin subclass. More, um, hitty. And his name's Thorin. And he has a bear. Doctor Peep said it would be okay?"
"Thank heavens, an actual tank," piped up Eloise. "I'm sick of getting slapped about because Bill thinks it's funny to watch the wizard get into close combat."
It took a few minutes to get everyone settled in, but eventually the group was all set. It was a motley assortment, and Cass was the only human at the table; T'viq was a Reman, Eloise was a drider, Sugi was a bonsai Ent, and the DM, Doctor Peep, was a six-foot animatronic duck. The campaign, Gabrielle explained, had been going on for some time, mostly in spite of a recovering Gary Stu called Bill who was a total edgelord and kept trying to screw things up for the party. Before Gabrielle could go any further on why Bill was a complete butt, Doctor Peep loudly announced the setting.
"After the tragic death of Supreme Commander Murdertron, your characters have returned to the manor at Thandallyn to train and generally relax. A few months have passed without incident... until now. A mysterious stranger is at the gates of the house."
"I go to the window and try to get a look at them," said T'viq. "Such work is suited well for elven eyes, especially those of a ranger. Plus I'm just generally a bit nosy."
"Okay, roll me perception."
"Astarael, you gaze long and hard, and form a really excellent and in-depth mental picture of the wall you're staring at. Is anyone else doing anything?"
"Oh! Sure!" Gabrielle smiled. "I'll go down to the gate. And bring pie. Everybody loves pie."
A chorus of laughs around the table. Cass sagged a bit, stayed quiet.
"Okay then, Drake. You go out to the gate and see a heavily armoured figure on the back of a cave bear. The rider is even shorter than you are, which is saying something for a halfling."
"Ho there, stranger!" Gabrielle cried in as manly a voice as a fluffy red bunny could manage. "What brings thee to Ascalon?"
There was silence for a bit, then Cass spoke. "Er. Dwarven business! Yes. Definitely. Nothing to do with anything gobliny or stuff like that. My name is Thorin of the Green Beard, and I seek audience with noble heroes who mayst use the service of a strong and righteous sword arm! Verily, 'tis a fine time to be a dwarf of my lineage, and definitely not a day to be a goblin in some scrounged up armour with a load of cave moss glued to his face, why would you even assume such a person would be here?"
There was a very long pause.
"Cassie, is Thorin a goblin pretending to be a dwarf?" Doctor Peep asked.
"What possible reason could you have to suspect such a thing of the noble Thorin Greenbeard, dwarf adventurer and in no way a goblin whose face is covered in lichen that's really itchy underneath this plate mail?"
"... You're going to fit riiiiiiiiiight in around here."
Cassie smiled, and believed her.