Subject: Re: bios and prompts
Author:
Posted on: 2017-12-22 12:49:00 UTC
I like that Spensor is an Autobot with terrible combat skills and a silly transformed form. Those facts, as well as his personality and speaking mannerisms, makes for a funny contrast with the canon. Phil doesn't make quite as much of an impression, but I suspect that was your intent in making him the "straight man" against the silly robot. The behavior of both characters syncs up pretty well with what I expected from their bios.
I like your use of different music preference to highlight the differences between the agents before they actually appear side-by-side in a scene. I also liked the bizarre "solution" to the mysterious RC door, and the weird, counter-intuitive HQ physics that follow from it.
And now, the typo parade!
" . . . actually a transforming alien robot that’s just a few million years you’re senior.
"'...They did not tell me it was going to be you.' the agent replied, sheepishly.
The dialogue should end in a comma rather than a period, since the phrase that follows is a dialogue tag attached to it.
"that last part was said under his breath . . ."
"'. . . this one doesn’t follow the order of the previous of following ones.'"
“Every single other RC we’ve tried today wasn’t unlocked, so why this one?”
Considering RCs are private residences of agents, walking around and trying all the door handles without knocking seems like a terrible idea.
he passed his arm through.
"'...You let’s scram before anything freaky happens.'"
(I assume that was meant to be "yo.")
—doctorlit and many bold tags