x. I will not make ass jokes around Cranky and Matilda.

- Or Puzzle the Donkey.

y. Am not allowed to tease Copreus about his name.

z. I will not give Legolas the impression of being surrounded by spiders.

þ. I will not spray another Agent's response center/TARDIS with lavender paint.

- Giving other Agents horsemeat cupcakes is right out.

I will not sing 'I've got a jar of dirt' anywhere in earshot of Captain Davy Jones.
- I will not get anybody else to do it either.
- Unless they happen to be a 'Sue.

Introducing Davy Jones to the YouTube remix of 'I've got a jar of dirt' is a very bad idea.
- Equally, I will not subject Captain Picard to the Picard Song.
- I will not show 'We're taking the hobbits to Isengard' to any Lord of the Rings characters.
- I fact, YouTube remixes and associated canon characters should never be introduced at all.

Alexandria's Genesis is not a viable excuse for Suvian traits.
-Like, ever.

For that matter, I will not try to gain superpowers the same way that many superheroes attained theirs. I will only end up either killing or severely wounding myself in the attempt.
-Not to mention that most of the superheroes got their powers by accident.

I will not refer to Trekverse agents as being from Star Wars.
-Or vice versa. Both continua have some deadly weapons, you know.

It is fine to debate Star Wars versus Star Trek. It is not acceptable, however, to do so with phasers and lightsabers.
-Or any other canonical weapons.
-Or non-canonical, for that matter.

I will not kidnap Captain Kirk and Captain Picard and force them to fight to the death.
-They'll probably refuse anyway.
-Kidnapping Captain Janeway to referee is also not allowed.

I will not introduce Lt. Commander Data to Marvin the Paranoid Android.
-Or C3P0.

I will not introduce Sheldon Cooper to Spock.
-Puddles of fanboy are difficult to clean up.

I will not feed the tribbles.

Yes, Doctor Fitzgerald bears a striking resemblance to the Energency Medical Hologram from Star Trek: Voyager. No, I will not say "Deactivate EMH" if he starts to annoy me.

I will not kill Wesley Crusher.
-Or any other Canon Sue or Stu.

Blowing up ships to kill Sues is probably overkill.

I will not recruit Sherlock for the PPC.
-Even if he wants to be recruited so he can do experiments on Sues. [shoutout to Lily Winterwood]

I will not talk in Yoda speak for long periods of time.
-Drive other agents insane, it will.

I will not talk in Shatner speak for long periods of time.
-It will, take me...forever to, get to the point, because of all the, random, pauses.

I'll reply again if I can think of more.

I will not ask Technician Caroline for cake
-I will not release birds into Technician Caroline's lab

Agent Corolla and Agent Amara are not interested in holding a cooking show about the joys of Sue-flesh

The following musical numbers have been banned
-The Birds of Prey song
-(fellow Boarders, do you have other ideas?)

I will not suggest that Agent Lana's canon means that she should constantly wears an inordinate numbers of gears and a corset
-I will not call Agent Lana a 'steampunk ninja'
--I may call her a Gaslamp Fantasy Ninja

In Nanoha, there are twenty-one Jewel Seeds. Despite this, I will not recite the Monty Python sketch to anyone other than a Sue
-Uncanonical Jewel Seeds should be brought to DoSAT, not used as wish-fulfillment or to create a zombie plague
--Zombie plagues are only acceptable on Halloween with approval from your Department Head

I will not tell newbies that Agent Riaa'lzhor is a Sue because of her name
-I will not give Agent Riaa'lzhor a variety of biogolems to see how many she can shapeshift into at one time no matter how cool I think a drider/dragon/catgirlferal would be

Agent Cepha is not interested in tentacle hentai.
-Agent Amara is likewise uninterested in tentacle hentai, and insinuating that either of them are will result in an immediate trip to Medical and a long lecture on what 'underage' means

I will not force Ramandu's Daughter and Yvaine to sing twinkle, twinkle, little star.
I will not dance around naked upwind from Tris (Circle of Magic).
- Nor will I ask Luxury to do so.
I will not introduce Briar to a bloodoak.
- He' just get it to eat me instead.

I will not attempt to hire Harry Dresden to entertain at an all HQ party.
- No really, it even says no parties.
-- Especially not if there will be multiple vampires at said party. There are only so many fire extinguishers in HQ.

My RC's door is not to be used as any of the following:
- A drawbridge
- A surfboard
- Anything I can think of that involves a wood chipper, glitter, or high explosives.

I am to stop attempting to get characters together from across canons or dimensions by sending them to Medical or Fic Psych at the same time.
- Nor am I to time my "temporary insanity" visits to either of the following to coincide with those of my favorite canons.

No matter how tempting it may appear in it's current guise, trying to take a bite out of the DORKS will result in chipped teeth.

I am not to taunt the agents hailing from the Old Kingdom by assuming a look of fear, pointing behind their backs, and yelling "Yrael!"
- For that matter, I should treat all free magic entities as I treat eldritch abominations from all other continuua: with the utmost respect and avoidance.

I am not Sherlock Holmes's soulmate.
-It's really easy to choke on Agent Eledhwen Elerossiel's red string of fate.
-No seriously. I think she's turning it into a punjab lasso.

I will not give the Men in Black characters Bleepolate milk.

I will not attempt an all-HQ rendition of Gangnam Style.
-Nor will I do it for my department.
-Lux will probably have too much fun with the 'EYYYY SEXY LADY' part.

I am not allowed to create shipping walls.
-Or shipping charts.
-That's Agent Kitty Smith's division, anyway.

I am not allowed to create betting pools for my favourite ships.
-This extends to Agents and Flowers and just about anything sentient in HQ that can be shipped together.

The victim could not have done it in PPC Cluedo.

I will not pit Consulting Sue Slayer!Sherlock against Agent Eledhwen in a game of PPC Cluedo.
-No, not even if the resulting death would be really funny.

I will not make reservations at the Shizuka in the CSS-verse for "Mary Sue, party of two, please!".
-Nor will I show up dressed as a Sue.

I will not encourage the Ice King to call his crown "my precious".

I will not introduce Finn the Human to Lady Cassandra O'Brien.

I will not introduce Finn the Human to America.
-If I do, then I am responsible for cleaning up the resulting mess, whatever it may be.

I will not continuously sing "In the Jungle" whenever Loke from Fairy Tail is in the room.

If I drag Death the Kid into an MST, I will resist the urge to shave one side of my head.
-I will also resist the urge to drag Edward Elric into the same MST
-Or really anyone who's missing limbs on one side but not the other.

I must not lock Cyba Zero, Sigma One and Phi Six in a room with a single pretty suit of armour.
-They WILL fight over it.

I will not take advantage of Agent Cyba Zero's fascination with the colour red.
-Ditto Sigma One with electric blue, and Phi Six with royal purple.
-If I do, it is my own fault if the one in question follows me all around HQ.
-It is also my own fault if the other two take revenge on behalf of the third.

I will not refer to Cyba, Sigma and Phi as the 'Collective of Three'.
-Not even behind their backs.
-When they find out, they WILL scream at me.

I will not try to sneak up on Agent Eagrus Khan.
-He is paranoid enough as it is.
-Neither will I try to find out what he looks like under his helmet.
-I will especially not attempt to convince him there is an invasion of any kind.
-(Except in the event of an actual invasion.)

1. Under no circumstances am I allowed to assassinate a Sue by "assimilation by swarm/hive mind/collective". Do you want sparkle-lings or urple Borgs? I didn't think so.
   
   1630. PPC personnel are reminded that while it is acceptable to visit different Worlds when on leave, it is not permissible to, say, hide in a Minecraft world to avoid missions.
   - Living in the Nether is a waste of time.
   
   1631. Luring creepers into hallways is a terrible thing to do.
   - The same goes for spider jockeys.
   - - And cave spiders.
   - - - The Ender Dragon is right out.
   
   1632. Starting a staring contest with an Enderman is a stupid thing to do.
   
   1633. I am not allowed to swing my sword, sword in HQ.
   - If someone mentions mentions a safety torch again...
   
   1634. Griefing is not allowed in Minecraft servers, so I shall not rig doorways with falling anvils and pressure-plate activated botomless pits in HQ.
   - Not even for seeing my partner's reaction.
   - - Especially since one does not respawn in HQ.
   
   1635. Splash potions are not to be used in a water fight.
   - Come to think of it, having the time and resources to build a brewing stand means that you're not doing your job.
   
   1636. Playing Minecraft at a Sorting Room terminal is not "scanning the World for inconsistencies".
   
   
   
   - - - -
   Why yes, I have been playing a lot of Minecraft lately.

I've been missing these. Peter's Evil Overlord List is starting to not be quite as funny as it was for me anymore...

Although, in terms of the last point, the spider was rather gung-ho as it was. Peter didn't do jack, if I remember correctly. Thing just bit him out of nowhere.

Eh. Whatever. Provoking it is still pretty back-asswards to do in the first place.

Another movie-related suggestion: (Avengers)

* I will not, in any way shape or form, attempt to remove the Marvel Universe Tessaract and convince the characters of Madeline L'Engle's time quartet, notably those who were once stars, to attempt to use it.

If anybody actually understands the second bit, they win internet cookies. I just needed to get the silly from the fact that both series use the word entirely differently off my chest...

The whole world is buzzing about Disney buying Star Wars. Almost more than the election. (Don't respond to that. The election is DO NOT WANT for me.)
And I remember that LOTR scene. I always thought it was either incredibly silly pandering to teenage boys or completely awesome.