Subject: Debatable.
Author:
Posted on: 2019-03-25 13:49:00 UTC
It depends on whether they're wincing at "Sluggie" or at something else. I think it's the former, in which case it's fine as it is. Thanks anyway!
Subject: Debatable.
Author:
Posted on: 2019-03-25 13:49:00 UTC
It depends on whether they're wincing at "Sluggie" or at something else. I think it's the former, in which case it's fine as it is. Thanks anyway!
In their first recorded mission (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18222143), Agents Edward and Kat tackle a Sue who claims to be the "Princess of the unicorns". Edward is annoyed by the awful grammar and Kat is annoyed by the Sue messing with her Lust Object.
I'll update the Wiki and create agent pages over the next few days.
Thanks to eatpraylove for betareading.
Can't wait to see their Bios.
Edward now has a wiki page. I don't have time to do Kat's today, but hopefully it won't take as long as the first time.
By the way, have any of you left kudos? Just wondering - I have two and would like to know if they're from Boarders or other readers.
"Another set of four asterisks and three full stops hit the ground. Carrine was yelling at Uma, and was told to go to the hospital wing by Professor Slughorn (or “Sluggie”. The agents winced once more.) "
Did you mean to put the closing parenthesis after "Sluggie" instead of at the end of the sentence?
It depends on whether they're wincing at "Sluggie" or at something else. I think it's the former, in which case it's fine as it is. Thanks anyway!
I quite liked this! It's a good, simple mission to start out your spin-off with. I liked Edward and Kat as supportive, non-bickering siblings who use good teamwork. I also liked the symmetry of them coming from an orphanage (I think? I haven't read Miss Peregrine yet) and being faced with a Sue who put herself into an orphanage as part of a tragic backstory for sympathy points. You also made good use of a lot of visual puns and other jokes based on the typos this fic had.
One little detail that struck me as unique and creative is Edward being too slow a writer to keep the charge list updated with the fic. I think we tend to take it for granted, being word-oriented people, that the word-recording aspect of an agent's job is a simple task for everyone. I liked seeing representation of someone who has a more difficult time writing quickly.
I found a few formatting mistakes and a typo. First, the typo:
"She avoided Slytherin in exactly the same was as Harry had canonically done, and was inevitably Sorted into Gryffindor."
A couple of lines have the bolding from the fanfiction quotes bleeding into your narration:
Then the whole hall erupted into applause. Unfortunately, this broad description also affected the agents. “Stupid Words…” Kat muttered, gritting her teeth and clapping in a strangely forced way.
Kat gulped in air, looking like a goldfish. “She can’t become the fifth Marauder. She can’t.” Kat’s voice was carefully kept level and calm, but the bitterness behind it was undisguisable. “Please. Make this stop.” She shuddered and grabbed a whole six-pack of Bleeprin.
And finally, a missing space between sentences:
"The Sue’s body soon returned to the original yellow cube.Kat had to stay where she was, because Edward had the RA."
I'm looking forward to reading more from you. Happy writing!
—Thanks to the Sue's first name, doctorlit has had "Uma Thurman" by Fall Out Boy stuck in his head for most of this reading. So that's one good thing the badfic has done!