Subject: Re: mission
Author:
Posted on: 2019-03-24 22:10:00 UTC

I quite liked this! It's a good, simple mission to start out your spin-off with. I liked Edward and Kat as supportive, non-bickering siblings who use good teamwork. I also liked the symmetry of them coming from an orphanage (I think? I haven't read Miss Peregrine yet) and being faced with a Sue who put herself into an orphanage as part of a tragic backstory for sympathy points. You also made good use of a lot of visual puns and other jokes based on the typos this fic had.

One little detail that struck me as unique and creative is Edward being too slow a writer to keep the charge list updated with the fic. I think we tend to take it for granted, being word-oriented people, that the word-recording aspect of an agent's job is a simple task for everyone. I liked seeing representation of someone who has a more difficult time writing quickly.

I found a few formatting mistakes and a typo. First, the typo:

"She avoided Slytherin in exactly the same was as Harry had canonically done, and was inevitably Sorted into Gryffindor."

A couple of lines have the bolding from the fanfiction quotes bleeding into your narration:

Then the whole hall erupted into applause. Unfortunately, this broad description also affected the agents. “Stupid Words…” Kat muttered, gritting her teeth and clapping in a strangely forced way.

Kat gulped in air, looking like a goldfish. “She can’t become the fifth Marauder. She can’t.” Kat’s voice was carefully kept level and calm, but the bitterness behind it was undisguisable. “Please. Make this stop.” She shuddered and grabbed a whole six-pack of Bleeprin.


And finally, a missing space between sentences:

"The Sue’s body soon returned to the original yellow cube.Kat had to stay where she was, because Edward had the RA."

I'm looking forward to reading more from you. Happy writing!

—Thanks to the Sue's first name, doctorlit has had "Uma Thurman" by Fall Out Boy stuck in his head for most of this reading. So that's one good thing the badfic has done!

Reply Return to messages