I'm the PPC's resident wild card. If you have an idea that doesn't pass by the other Boarders, you'll likely spot me.

Anyway, for your newbie present, I present to you the Eldritch Metronome. If you turn it on, it sends pulses of psychic disturbance through the minds of anyone who can hear it, forcing them to comply to the beat. You can screw around with the tempo as you please. Just never put it at march tempo (quarter note = 120), or else you'll summon the demon locked inside it.

-Twistey

*high-five* Have a box of Every Flavor Beans and a mechanical pencil!

It's been a long time for me since I said these words, so I'm celebrating this with a double gift: You'll get both the pot of black-hole coffee, and a bag of black-hole chocolates. Enjoy them and your stay ere.

/hands over some chocolate bark/

Also, I have never actually heard of the Maximum Ride movie. Therefore, I shall act like it's a Matrix sequel and doesn't exist! /I kid, I kid; that only applies if you don't like it, not if you just haven't seen it.

Here, have some chocolate and enjoy your stay!

And don't worry, we don't bite... much.

Have a gromril letter opener forged by my ancestors!
Seriously. I have too many of these things.

I am also new! Also, if you like Maximum Ride, then have you read the Virals series?

Glad to see we share some fandoms - I’m also into Harry Potter and Warriors!

Have a chocolate chip cookie, as I’ve just baked a batch.

Have a basilisk scale, freshly shed!
Hope you enjoy your time here at the PPC.

Have a suit of slightly holy Imperial Guard flak armor, guaranteed to last you the rest of your life. (Average lifespan of deployed Imperial Guardsman: 15 hours.)

Also: There was a Maximum Ride movie?

Here's a cupcake!

Welcome aBoard! Here's your newbie gift! *hands you a three-ring binder containing a printed copy of the entire List of Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In The PPC* It's self-updating, too!

Nice to see you here! Have a copy of How to Read Literature Like a Professor and a full set of roleplaying dice in whichever color or pattern you very well please. And, you know, infinite yarn bracelets. As you do.

Hello, and welcome aBoard! For your newbie gift, take this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti!

If you haven't yet read them, may I point you towards the Original Series and the Constitution? They're pretty much the only required reading around these parts. Another useful resource you might use is