Through chapter five now. by
Neshomeh
on 2018-10-20 23:29:00 UTC
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The biggest issue I have with this thing is how Sam responds to her parents being murdered by Voldemort. First of all, she doesn't even think about trying to stop Voldemort killing them, she just runs. That's not an illogical decision, but it is a pretty heartless one, and surprising, since she claims to have a good relationship with them.
Then, instead of going to the magical authorities, she goes to the Muggle police and whines in the narration about how she can't explain everything to them. ... Why?
I've seen no sign of grief from her yet. She's plenty angry, but she seems to accept the situation well enough, so I dunno if that counts. If the reality of the loss hits her later, she might get a pass on the basis that everyone responds to death differently.
On the plus side, I think the connection that gets her to Hogwarts is fairly solid. I think everyone has a good reason for knowing what they know and not knowing what they don't know. Dumbledore having connections with the heads of other wizarding schools makes sense, and he also has a spy within the Death Eaters, because of course he does. (Calling it now, Harry is Zachary Foote. This seems so transparent I have to wonder if it's not actually a red herring.) And it's established in canon that blood matters, so yoinking Sam across the pond to take advantage of the protection of her family holds up for me.
I was going to question how this works as Harry & co.'s seventh year, but then I realized it was first published in 2006, so there you go. Deathly Hallows hadn't come out yet. That doesn't explain how Sirius Black is still alive, but him coming back from beyond the Veil somehow was a fairly common assumption back in the day.
Unless it really goes off the rails later, I wouldn't PPC this for the simple reason that it's not bad. There are some SPaG errors and I have some questions, but they're not deal-breaking ones for me. Not yet. And if a fic is going to be mission-worthy, it tends to become apparent pretty quickly.
~Neshomeh
One chapter in... by
Neshomeh
on 2018-10-20 19:10:00 UTC
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I'm honestly not seeing any major red flags, which I didn't expect because I hadn't even glanced at it when I made my previous post. The thing that most grabs my attention is the Halloween costume ball, but only because it bears a weird surface similarity to a bit of the fic I'm currently sporking. The details are rather different. You'll see, hopefully sooner than later. {= )
I'll look at further chapters if I get a chance.
~Neshomeh