Subject: Re: Here's one
Author:
Posted on: 2018-08-23 04:14:00 UTC
It may only be a srntence, but it is one heck of a sentence to catch someone shouting. I'd read more just because now I need to see what prompted it!
Subject: Re: Here's one
Author:
Posted on: 2018-08-23 04:14:00 UTC
It may only be a srntence, but it is one heck of a sentence to catch someone shouting. I'd read more just because now I need to see what prompted it!
Open the last writing project you worked on. Post the tenth paragraph from the last chapter you worked on. If it doesn't have chapters, go from the top or the bottom, your choice. If it doesn't have ten paragraphs, pick one. PPC, fanfic, original works, a paper for homework, a grocery list - it doesn't matter. Just find something you have written and have fun sharing!
This is from a word doc to help with developing a PPC agent character's personality:
Splat! A pie crashed into her face.
"The unknown warrior leapt into the air, flipping over a strike from the middle Ringwraith; in the process, they twisted and slashed at the nearest foe, knocking the thing back. Even in the middle of all of that, Frodo saw them wrap their arm around the neck of the wraith who had attempted to stab them, and was treated to a glimpse of the thing's face - shocked at this feat of coordination and lack of respect for the proper rules of a swordfight, much less physics itself - before the leap's momentum caught up and knocked it off its feet. As the warrior landed on their own, they bodily tossed the Nazgûl into the nearest (and, until recently, the most stable) wall of the ruins."
I'm not sure you can do that to a Ringwraith. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think they really have physical bodies anymore? It's just the cloaks and hoods that give them shape?
If that's the point and it's supposed to be crackfic, though, it's pretty funny, so I hope that's the point. ^_^;
~Neshomeh
Violet snickered and started combing his back. “Your fur’s just fine the way it is. Now hold still, I found a knot.” She sprayed it with the conditioner and pulled; the comb slid through with no trouble. “There we go. Thanks for letting me do this.”
And here's something from my FireRed Nuzlocke I need to get back to writing:
“You can’t Jedi mind trick people into helping us every time we don’t get our way!” Natalia scolded Julian once they’d passed the harbor entrance. “Someone’s probably going to call Officer Jenny on us next time, and then she’ll take my trainer card away!”
Trent’s back arched and he coughed again, his whole body twisting with release and pain. Again and again he felt the rush come, break over him like waves or a collapsing dune. His face screwed up in shame at feeling any pain at all.
This is a story about a man who goes to a doctor and subsequently has an amazing psychic vision quest through his own spine.
It's a bit odd.
That paragraph is a little disturbing, and the context sounds fascinating. Good combination for generating interest!
~Neshomeh
That was good. I just have no idea what was going on.
That reward was truly well deserved.
And the part that describes the pain as acting out of spite, and everything just drifting as the Bone Man does his work... absolutely wonderful.
That sounds weird in just the right way, and that bloody paragraph you dropped on doesn't even reveal it - just the build-up!
"A Potterverse Suethor handed Dumbledore and Pomfrey the idiot ball, and Lupin ran loose on the grounds. Agent Fuji [Apple] was in human disguise and is now an eewolf."
That sounds like it is going to be one wild mission.
So, this hits the tone to be a type of creation myth, and that seems to have been the aim. The Kraken certainly seems to be of the malevolent archetype for the world. I was surprised he survived. I first thought it was indicating he was dying. I think the Caiman did die? Or least didn't move much more in this paragraph. This was a very descriptive phrase "like salami shot from a mortar"
"'Correct. The drainage of energy into Thirty Hs occurs at regular intervals. Since no spies or action agents have returned from the story, we have no evidence pointing to the cause.'"
That's a DMSE&R researcher speaking, since the mission takes place before the DAS was formed. Probably. I've completely wonked the timeline up by being such a slow writer.
—doctorlit, reminding everyone that a fistful of Hs is very different from a fistful of hS
It did take me a minute to remember Thirty Hs was a badfic! That is funny.
The cause of that energy drainage will be interesting to read about when the report comes out.
Oh, yes, that'll work:
"Arr!" Daphne piped up, and giggled. "Arr! It be fire lizards, though."
Yep, the Illian kids are out for another spin. ^_^ Daphne's like six now, it's ridiculous.
hS
Pirates! With fire lizards! Lucky kids.
I understood a few of those! It's an improvement over my referemce getting skills a few months ago. The second paragraph paints a good picture even if I didn't catch a couple of words.
What are kattekri-tri and Los Taelis?
The Kattekri-tri is a river referencing a "category tree".
The second paragraph is actually from Los Taelis, a military center referencing Neshomeh's collection of "Lost Tales".
Part of the current WIP is putting a reference line in wherever possible.
HG
The first one makes me wonder what kind of school this person goes to. It is an oddly specific thing to assign, but I can come up several scenarios for it.
The second one definitely hits the weird note.
The third one, the character is kind of cute. In a good way.
For the first one, magic does actually exist, not that either Rosie or her teacher know at the time. That particular piece of homework won’t be turned in, because the plot gets in the way.
And for the third, the person Clara’s talking to is not Scarlet, or the girl mentioned.
The chaplain has been frozen in glassbrick. Long and transparent and clear as air. The medbay (actually just an unused storeroom in the hold) lights are icy bright and gleam off it in lines. Though the chaplain furled within is a smaller woman, the block itself is huge. A great hefty rectangle, glaring down at him. The trolley they had used to bring it had damaged a wheel in the procedure. There are thin cracks scrawled along its top corner. They shudder and grow, ever slightly, with every swing of the pick Yoyo brings onto it.
This is from an original fic thingo. This paragraph, unfortunately, does not quite capture just how weird I wanted the thing to be. Oh well!
I have in fact not touched PPC fiction since I released my last story. Probably should, ay?
It is a pretty weird scenario even in this paragraph. The medbay tbat is a storage room, the details of the lines gleaming, and the small chaplain trapped within, the cracks growing are all very atmospheric, then you find out that a guy named Yoyo is hammering away at it with a pick axe.
Seriously, the description is great! Might not be very weird, but it's sorta unnerving somehow.
I'm always trying to write some epic fantasy thing or another, and they usually just fizzle out, so I doubt the thing this is from will go anywhere, but it's the tenth paragraph from the last thing I've written! Have at it!
She rounded on him, hissing quietly, “Well maybe that’s true, but don’t you suppose that – and I’m taking a wild guess here – don't you suppose that enough money to set us up for years is worth getting a little water down your pants for?”
So, the characters sound like they may be a bit of scoundrels or con men with the talk of a bug score that could set them up for life, but the last line turns it around to pretty funny. Not that I think the characters will find it funny, but I do.
Yay, thank you! All that is literally exactly correct and how it's supposed to make you feel.
It's nice dialogue, though, and real solid description of sort of, their actions.
Just wishing you luck with this particular epic fantasy thing!
Don't fizzle it mate!
Centuries, and he still had difficulty getting the measure of his own feelings. Much less analyzing and choosing how to act. But feelings could come later. Right now, he need only be an instructor.
Yes, it's Thoth doing stuff. Fun?
I like it. It has tension and character building and makes me want to know more.
"One attempted murder not enough for you? How many more vendettas do you have?"
That's an intense line. It makes me wonder who's speaking and who's on the receiving end. And of course, "attempted" murder means they didn't succeed, so what happened?
~Neshomeh
It definitely went bad in the later seasons. I have never written anything set after mid-season 2, except maybe a few elements pulled in on character backstory from later seasons.
Now I don't feel bad about never making it past mid-season 2 and yet still considering myself a Haven fan despite that. :P
DO YOU WANT THE POOR TO HAVE MOLDY PLUMBING?!
It may only be a srntence, but it is one heck of a sentence to catch someone shouting. I'd read more just because now I need to see what prompted it!
The agent’s mild curiosity had turned into severe confusion. “You do realize no government has jurisdiction here, right? There’s no one who can tax goods.”
Bradbury took this curve-ball and, to mix a metaphor, ran with it. “Exactly. I can buy and sell anything here totally duty-free. Why do impede me in my quest? Do you hate the poor? Are you some kind of Communist? Are you some kind of Capitalist?! DO YOU WANT THE POOR TO HAVE MOLDY PLUMBING?!”
It just gets better.
So I'm guessing a wedding is being referenced in the first selection, but the one the characters are currently dealing with is odd or bad in some way. I liked the description of the cousin's. The 'sudden bits of singing' line made me smile.
I read "Jake" as "Jack" and thought you were writing fanfiction. ^^;
I can now see how to very easily spin something from that that *would* be fanfic, but no, it's nothing to do with Jack beyond the fact that I do have that same double-take myself here and there.
~Z
This is an interesting paragraph. I am wondering what kind of assignment brought it about, because that sounds like a fun class.
The child listens closely, and takes her words to heart. Just before his parents return, he hides the rock and keeps it safe. This, he won’t brag to his friends about; it is his secret. He knows that the symbols on it are wave-script, so he decides that when next the wave-folk come he’ll have to ask them what they mean, but that’s it. He will be keeping it a secret otherwise, between him and the lady who tells amazing stories.
This is a great hook paragraph. It really makes me want to read more.
Peregrin, meanwhile, was chasing down the pen he had dropped when the console had startled him. “You could pack the book,” he suggested. “You may have time to read on the mission.”
(( Who knows when this'll actually get done. Yay real life. ))
Why am I betting that Peregrin is being overly optimistic here?
I think the fact that Lux is crying really sells the gravity of the situation.
Very much looking forward to this when it comes out.
Being that this story takes place almost entirely during the Invasion, I wanted to make sure that it had appropriate levels of Pathos. One way to do that is to take a usually comedic character and cast them in a realistically serious light. Lux seemed a good choice in this case, and I like that she's a physical foil for Kur'nak.
-Phobos
That is a great quote.
I was counting back from an unfinished paragraph, and didn't know if that counted as paragraph 1 or not. I could have gone back one more paragraph, but this one seemed better.
-Phobos
I don't know 40k, but I love the picture painted in this quote. Also, I love the word inexorably. It's a cool word.
And What nonsense is a good place to have it land, too.
Jeez, we have too many projects going. And I still have a mission. Which... I will put a paragraph from up here when I'm not in the middle of touring a university.
Fun fact: The University of Pittsburgh's Cathedral of Learning is one of the inspirations for Hogwarts's architecture in the films. According to them, anyways, but I'd buy it.
Oh, and it's in Mr Rogers' Neighborhood. If I chose schools on pop culture references, I'd be sold.
On AO3 there are about 600 f/f alpha/omega fics, but I think the exclusion criteria could definitely be stricter. After seeing a few tags I had not imagined existed, though I suppose I should have known they did given what ABO fics do to male anatomy, I decided to leave it at about 600. That leaves just over 40,000 in the other categories,mostly m/m at about 35,500. So...mostly a m/m focused kink.
...the first passage picks up right after her wedding, so it kinda jars horribly when compared to the Not Okay relationships you find in ABO.
I haven’t found any all-female ABO before, but GMA might have? Bad smutfics are kind of his thing.
That first one sure sounds like the PPC I know and love!
The badfic one, are sure that isn't a quote from a real fic? Just kidding. You've definitely captured the flavor of ABO fics though!
And now I have to feel bad, because I sorta helped by shooting off all the awful ABO tropes I could think of in your presence.
This BFG will be... entertaining.