Subject: Interesting!
Author:
Posted on: 2018-08-09 09:05:00 UTC

It seems that having a fractious Omanyte in the RC is much like having a child - right down to the bit where everyone is sometimes just too loud. :) The idea of someone named Nautilus adopting one is suitably amusing, too.

This piece does show signs of being a bit hastily written - or perhaps re-written? The whole 'The other man amended' line (paragraph, really) seems to be an awkward splice that could do with heavy reworking. I understand what you're saying, but the words definitely got away from you a bit.

I also originally thought you had the two agents referring to the Omanyte by different genders, which was an interesting way of conveying personality. But then you have back-to-back lines where they both say 'him' - a mistake? I'm not sure.

I do like the minimalist nature of some of this story. The description of the mission has just enough information (we don't need to know why Peri took it so bad, after all!), and the use of font sizes is excellent.

hS

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