Subject: Sure! Glad you liked it. (nm)
Author:
Posted on: 2012-10-21 22:37:00 UTC
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New Mission by
on 2012-10-21 20:34:00 UTC
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I believe this is the first Puella Magi mission we've had. It's also the first mission involving a trio of new agents. I am not going to enjoy the next few steps of the mission posting process. But I hope you enjoy the mission!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LV2HV_lqFIegvnWRQn4Z3arKVWMlg-njyLnb2O1S8d4/edit
Minis: incubator, puella magi -
Re: Mission by
on 2012-10-23 00:03:00 UTC
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This was a pretty complicated mission, but I think you handled it rather well. It's not very common to see an all-OC mission, but the fact that you treated them with a mixture of assassination, recruitment and canon absorption kept things from getting repetitive. Your treatment of Erika was especially fun, and made the threat of her getting ensnared by Violet all the more real and depressing.
I did have a little trouble keeping up with all the canon-specific terminology. I think I developed a fair understanding of how Puella Magi come about and their relationship to witches and Soul Gems, but I'm still a little unclear on what Grief Seeds and Incubators do.
Earlier in this mission, you had a habit of overusing pronouns, which made it difficult for me to "see" what was going on. For example, near the beginning, you have the sentences:
A bright green light began to glow from her middle finger, before eight tentacle-shaped constructs emerged and wrapped around her stack, before carefully setting it on the ground. A moment later, the tentacles wrapped around her pile, setting it next to Cepha’s.
"Her stack" and "her pile" confused me the first time I read it, since the double use of "her" made me think the same pile of gifts was being moved twice. Fortunately, this problem seemed to lessen as the mission continued.
Also, one little typo to point out. In the charge list you missed putting a space between "putting" and "chandeliers." -
Some PMMM canon explanations. by
on 2012-10-23 20:11:00 UTC
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Warning, this is spoiler for the series itself. (I suggest you to watch it, though - it's really good.)
Basically, Grief Seeds are what a Witch leaves behind when she dies, and they can absorb grief from a Puella Magi's Soul Gem.
The catch is, Grief Seeds actually are what remains of a Puella Magi's Soul Gem when it corrupts beyond repair (a process caused by magic use and despair felt) and becomes a Witch.
The Incubators are the one who allow a girl to become a Puella Magi, and they harvest the emotional energy coming from the girls' despair to stave off entropy.
The problem is, a Puella Magi is doomed: she either dies while battling withes, or becomes a Witch herself.
They're not evil, they just have a completely different set of morals and lack any sort of emotion. You're still free to hate them, though. (In fact, I do.) -
Nicely done! by
on 2012-10-21 22:35:00 UTC
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I really like the interactions between characters, and am interested in seeing what you do with Amara. Also, may I take the Mini puella magi?
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Sure! Glad you liked it. (nm) by
on 2012-10-21 22:37:00 UTC
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And I need to think of a last name for Amara. by
on 2012-10-21 20:50:00 UTC
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Because I forgot to check if there was already an Amara on the wiki.
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Ooh, Minis by
on 2012-10-21 20:43:00 UTC
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Can Des and Anebrin have incubator? What are the PMMM minis anyway? Mini-Coobies? Mini-familiars? Mini-something-elses?
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mini-Charlottes by
on 2012-10-21 20:49:00 UTC
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You were one of my betas.
They look something like these:
http://images.puella-magi.net/7/76/Aworldfullofcharlottes.jpg?20110629101405
At least, the hypothetical minis Sayoka, Kyuko, madaka, Momi, Hamara, and kubey do. -
-Chuckles- by
on 2012-10-21 20:50:00 UTC
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I forgot. Heh heh. Mini-Charlotte!incubator would scare the hell out of poor tinky-winky.
