"I merely sent a request that your department run an external diagnostic scan at the exact time of the automatic upload. You, however, have just deliberately and conspicuously messed with your bodycam while in the field and actively engaged in the pursuit of a suspect, no matter how dubious your allegations may be. That's a clear violation of DIA Code of Practice article #15, clause b, subsection xv. This is all going in the report. Nearly finished now, actually... and done." She allowed herself a small smile of satisfaction as she sent the form off, referenced thoroughly and in triplicate. "We're almost out of the Howling now. You'll probably want to put your other cameras back-"

SPLOOSH.

"Since we'll be walking through a Thief's Downfall." The Notary fished out a handkerchief and wiped the water off. "Terribly sorry, it's the smoke. Counts as a disguise ever since that incursion a few months ago in DODAEG with the Frozen Sue, and it sets off the defence grid in enough quantities. I'm also privy to information regarding smartdust and similar platforms - everyone has their hobbies, after all - and I'm sure you're aware how badly delicate technology reacts to the presence of Potterverse-style magic in such quantities."

She turned to face him and smiled again, or at least showed her teeth. "So gentlemanly to walk a woman back to her RC after an accident. That will definitely be reflected in your report... or it would, had I not already sent it off. I can ask to resubmit, but once the gears begin to turn, well, I'm sure you know how that goes. Do drop round for tea and war stories sometime. I'm free on Saint Never's Day." With that, she gently shut the door of her RC and bolted it, deadlock-sealing it with the interlocking wooden setup that was the only kind her partner could use. Acute arcane technometaplasia. Such a horrid condition.

"I really wish she wouldn't drink so much. She gets awful tetchy."

((See, liminals are incredibly strong. Grabbing a charging girtablilu by the tail is an invitation to get dragged.))

The sarcasm was so happy it was a bit of a surprise there wasn't Sar-plasm dripping from the walls. "After all, I'm sure someone willing to abandon a recently-regenerated, delirious person in a stairwell is a perfectly lovely individual at heart!"

((Mmm yeah, she's still sore about that. :P ))

"You're being torn apart and reassembled on a cellular level while your metabolism burns though an inherently unstable form of energy all while remaining conscious. Of course it hurts! Then again, I've only in-the-Alpha-timeline regenerated twice: once during the War after I was pulverized by a falling Dalek and the other time when I fell through a plothole into the Vortex and burnt to death. In my opinion, the actual method of dying was far more painful than regeneration. The latter is more like a release. You'll never really get used to it-- I mean how can you? It's only going to happen to you a dozen times, tops."

The Guardsman pointed at his hat. "But you know what's the coolest thing we found out about regenerations? Your next face isn't 'set'. During the War we all had our headcams recording, right? So when we died our memories were sent to a server on Gallifrey for safekeeping. The way those data packets were stored made them immune to the shifting timelines: that meant that at the end of the day the guy sitting next to you at the mess could've died a thousand different deaths but never be aware of it until he checked his data cache. Every could've-been death, all those moments that never were, all of those meanwhiles lived on in the headcam videos. That eventually became a problem," said the former soldier, grimacing, "but that's besides the point. Get this: your next face is totally random. In other timelines I saw myself come back either short, tall, white skinned, yellow-skinned, young, old-- needless to say those particular Emirans didn't last long-- as a woman or even with an extra head. I saw the vids for that timeline. Gods, that guy never shut up. But that was always Emiran two to Emiran three-- the next face isn't a constant."

- - -

((And yes, that's my personal theory as to the nature of the Could've-Been King and his army of Meanwhiles and Never-Weres: they were literally echoes of the past resonating into the Alpha timeline and wreaking havoc on the fabric of spacetime.))