Subject: Neat.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-10-17 17:08:00 UTC
I have to say, you really got better with your writing. Still, it's a long read, and I wish all of it was as funny as the Arster.
Things I noticed:
- Everything is a mini. If you have that many minis, you can handle them differently, especially the capitalization-based ones. I would have turned 'weeping angels' into exactly that. A bunch of angels that weep. Probably at the badness of the fic. The doctor could have been a random doctor (not necessarily of medicine, be creative here). And do you know how many things go by the word jack?
- You need to learn how to dose fic quotes. They shouldn't be too long and, ideally, showcase a thing you found. Like the Wapanese heart disease. You could have quoted the first time it was mentioned.
- You like capitalizing things, do you? Things you shouldn't capitalize:
- Agent, unless it's used as "Agent [name]."
- Colors, even if they're Suvian in nature.
- You don't need to read the full charge list. You really don't need to read the full charge list.