Actually

Subject: Actually
Author: firemagic
Posted on: 2012-10-14 18:56:00 UTC

I had plans to mission this. I posted it here in part to rant and to see if anyone with Halo knowledge would co-write it with me. Do you want to?

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+++ Melon Melon Melon +++ by Tawaki on 2012-10-14 01:08:00 UTC Reply

Aubergines by Flash Gator reviews
A one-shot centering around Gromit and his feelings for Wallace. Focuses on exerpts of particular episodes and the feature length movie. Spolier warning. One-sided Gromit/Wallace, slash.
Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,604 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Published: 12-27-08 - Complete

My comment: I am not making this up, folks.

2. My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing, by Dakari-King Mykan, but posted here by Ariana-Twilight
I am not the original writer, but he gave me permission to post it here: http://fim.413chan.net/fic/res/15524.html#i21894
"Venture into a whole new world where whole new winged unicorns, not alicorns, face off against evil forces unlike anything on FIM. New characters, newer plot, songs too. This is my world." - The description posted on FFNet.
This was posted here after it got
many hurtful reviews on FFNet, in the hopes of getting a nicer audience. NO FLAMES PLEASE!!!

My comment: This was written by someone who hated the FiM series. What.

3. The Changes of the Mind by LunarIllusion reviews
Disappointed with her own kind, Elessi asks the Dimension Witch for a chance to start a new life and ends up in a world that is unlikely as her own.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: Fiction T - English - Adventure/Romance - Boromir - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,019 - Reviews: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11-01-06 - Published: 10-29-06 - id: 3219890

My comment: It's actually a crossover with Harry Potter and some other series I know nothing of.

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If I hear the word 'believe' one more time... by KittyNoodles on 2012-10-15 05:27:00 UTC Reply

Im'ma lose it.

'My Little Unicorn' almost reads like a troll!fic. A troll!fic with decent spelling and grammar, sure, but a troll!fic (or perhaps a parody) nonetheless. And 'Unicornicopia' makes me giggle in an unhealthy way...
Oh, gods. by firemagic on 2012-10-14 16:01:00 UTC Reply

Welp, I have some fics to report.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3828663/1/UnisonMage
Set a year after StrikerS. A legacy of ancient Belka left behind, how will section six deal with the new relic and its powers even as mysterious people attempt to attain its powers? Fate centric. Please Read and Review.

Well, it's annoying, but not really terrible. This'd probably make a good training mission for someone. Fate somehow releases a Gary Stu who is a Belkan knight, but doesn't use a device, and has ice magic. Oh, and his name's Poke. To get a sense of what's up with this, have a quote or two:
"Fate, are you sure a six year old kid is suppose to be in this battle?" Questioned Vita.
"Are you taking about yourself Vita." Joked Nanoha as she walked into the clearing with a grinning Vivio in her arms.

Yes, just let the kid with unknown magic and origins who's attacked a teammate in the past train with you! There's no possible way for this to end badly. Also, Nanoha, you are perfectly aware that Vita is far older than you are, and she looks like she's eight, not six, anyways.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8177653/1/The-Avatar-and-the-Mockingjay
"You have no idea what I've been through!" Korra yelled. Katniss couldn't help but give her a smug grin and laugh. "Oh, I know exactly what you've been through,"

Short, but ever so stupid. We just start off with Katniss and Korra yelling at each other. We never get any explanation other than apparently Amon is running Hunger Games now. Seriously, that's it. Then, apparently Korra is a brat for being angry that Katniss is acting like she's a six-year-old. Then Katniss chi-blocks her. No, I'm not kidding.

"Oh, I know exactly what you've been through," She smirked, "living on a safe compound your whole life, free to practice your 'bending', then you get to live in the city for free with a loving family and mentor, be a pro bending hero - and I should feel sorry for you? Everyone on your team deserves the posistion you're in more than you do - even that priss Asami." Korra stared at her wordlessly, feeling the anger bubble within her. She cursed the fact there wasn't a full moon so she could just bloodbend this girl to the next district. Katniss walked to her, until they were toe to toe.
"How dare you call yourself the savior of your people," She growled. That was Korra's breaking point. She let out a breath of fire that Katniss narrowly avoided. The girls went at it, Katniss continuing to narrowly avoid Korra's bending moves until Katniss got a hold of her hands. She used a chi blocking move she had been taught earlier, rendering Korra defenseless. Korra lied on her stomach, Katniss straddling her back. She leaned down close to her ear, just so she could hear her.
"How do you expect to save your people, your benders, when you can't even defend yourself from me?" Katniss stormed out of the room. Korra was able to pull herself up after a moment. While her muscles ached from the jabs Katniss had dealt to her, what hurt more was that she knew she was right - she had failed as the Avatar.

Gorram it, Katniss.

And that's not even the worst thing. Not by a long shot. By the same Suethor:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8145681/1/A-Teenage-Girls-Guide-to-Sex-Slavery
"When it happened to me, I did not believe it. I have heard of it happening it to other girls. Girls who are taken and shipped off to far away lands. But it seemed like such a distant problem." Alternate story posted as Ch 2, takes place post episode 8

Korra and Asami are kidnapped into sex slavery and raped. Gods below, I am not making ANY of this up. This disgusts me. And you know what? It's. Rated. T. Also, the entire second chapter is just a copy of the first one.

<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7469993/1/WarBadBloodandBetrayal">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7469993/1/WarBadBloodand_Betrayal
Ben and his friends are now retired. The Plumbers now focus on peace-keeping operations and training new recruits, but when TSAB ships begins attacking one of the largest Plumber bases on Earth, war became inevitable. Who shall succeed?
So! The TSAB decides that its whole, let civilizations develop, protect worlds from the threat of magitech weapons, and keep the peace is for losers. They just start an all-out invasion of Earth because it's Monday and they're bored. Seriously, this fic has no freaking idea how the TSAB works. At all. And, while we're on the subject of complete misrepresentation of a peaceful organization...

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6966278/1/TSAB-DOWNFALL-Halo-War
The TSAB has changed for the worse, the Ace of Aces tries to defeat them but fails. Now she has been changed by this, physically and mentally, and knows that she will need help in the battle, luckily she finds a dimension that has what she needs.
This thing. Screw this thing. This thing, I think, might be the Rainbow Factory of Nanoha fanfiction. Let's look at some character in Nanoha, shall we?
First off: Fate Testarossa Harlaown. She is one the kindest women in the series. She is gentle, and patient, and modest. She specifically works with cases involving children, because as a child she was abused and was part of a magical experiment, and so she is often the only one able to talk down kids who would, say, electrify anyone who came near them. In StrikerS, she adopts a little girl named Vivio, and--here, I'm gonna give you a clip (warning: Fate, the blond woman, is in her underwear)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHywA1KsYlU
In this fic, she tortures a woman, tortures her friend, in front of that little girl. Violently and for a long period of time. Anyone see the problem there?

Let's look at a different character: Takamachi Nanoha herself. She's one of the most moral characters I've ever had the pleasure of watching. She is kind, but she will still beat the friendship into you if you are hurting people. There's a moment in the first season of Nanoha that I think pretty much encapsulates her character: She's fighting Vita, who, the last time they met, beat her into the ground. Before they even start fighting, she asks Vita what her name is, introduces herself, and asks why Vita is doing what she's doing. She says that, if Vita has a good reason, she's help her with what she's doing.

In this fic, she kills people. She kills soldiers, she kills commanders, she even helps launch a bombing on a city. And you know what? She doesn't kill Fate. She walks in on Fate torturing Schach, in front of her daughter, and just KO's her. Here's a quote:
What worried them was that she appeared to be ready to kill her former comrades, who currently formed the Elite core of the TSAB's forces.
She responded by saying:
"If we do fight, I will hurt them but not kill them, I will just make it so they can't fight anymore, as for the enforcers, if they try to kill me ….
… I WILL kill them."
That's right. She'll let torturers go free, because they're her friends, but will only kill soldiers because she doesn't know their names. And the story just acts like this is a perfectly moral thing to do.

And you know what? This story has no idea--it's even worse than that Ben 10 one in terms of knowledge. The TSAB is apparently overthrown in a coup, but the new leaders don't lose control of any of the planets, and no one--not Lindy, not Hayate, not Chrono, ever decide to leave the TSAB to help Nanoha. The TSAB releases Jail Scaglietti--one of those 'Elite Core' people is a girl named Ginga Nakajima. Scaglietti BRAINWASHED her in StrikerS and made her almost kill her sister. Guess she forgot about that.

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I got an entire series for you... by SeaTurtle on 2012-10-14 19:32:00 UTC Reply

One of its fics is posted on the Unclaimed page but I'd thought you'd get a ~~aneurysm~~ kick from having a look-see...

Link to author's profile. The series is named Teana's Travels and episodes are contained in "books".

It goes something like this: Teana Lanster suddenly snaps and quits the TSAB to travel the multiverse and recruit random people in order to have these awesome (Sue-filled) adventures in various points in time and space. I've only skimmed the books but I'm pretty sure most of the stuff is highly improbable.
... by desdendelle on 2012-10-14 18:30:00 UTC Reply

That last one, the 'TSAB DOWNFALL: Halo War' one... I don't know anything about Halo, but they way it mangles Fate, Nanoha and Ginga... Gods on a polearm...
-Hits his head on the wall-
If I'll have time after finishing my current mission (It's about halfway through, but I'm being conscripted in two weeks) I'm going to kill it. Hard. Because they mess with Nanoha and Ginga.

PS: Nanoha talking with Vita is from A's, not TOS (Vita did not appear in TOS).

Actually by firemagic on 2012-10-14 18:56:00 UTC Reply

I had plans to mission this. I posted it here in part to rant and to see if anyone with Halo knowledge would co-write it with me. Do you want to?

Well... by desdendelle on 2012-10-14 19:58:00 UTC Reply

I don't know anything about Halo, but I do want to mission this fic. However, my time is somewhat limited by the fact that I am going to be shipped to Basic Training in the 25th. I'll see how much time I'll have left after I finish my current mission (which is pretty much near its end; I already got most of the major charges) then drop you a mail, because I'd really love to co-write a mission on this fic with you.

Hm by firemagic on 2012-10-14 21:55:00 UTC Reply

Good luck with your training.

Maybe we could get a three-person-cowrite going on, since neither of us know Halo? As long as I get to kill Nova in the end. I've got an epic death scene planned... *rubbing hands together maniacally*

Re: Hm by desdendelle on 2012-10-14 21:59:00 UTC Reply

Thanks. As it stands, my mission is nearly done - I just have the Replacements to execute - so I'll probably have time for this. Also, a three-person co-write sounds fun. It seems that Maslab knows Halo - he wrote a mission in that continuum. Do you have his mail, or should I ping him in the IRC?

Re: Hm by Maslab on 2012-10-15 08:10:00 UTC Reply

I should hope I know something about Halo, and I suppose I could be persuaded into doing a co-write.

Re: Hm by desdendelle on 2012-10-16 08:46:00 UTC Reply

Well then: GDocs, I assume?

I don't have his email, so IRC him, please. You have mine? (nm) by firemagic on 2012-10-14 23:14:00 UTC Reply

it stops putting the pain on the skin, please... by SpecstacularSC on 2012-10-14 17:23:00 UTC Reply

While I feel inordinate amounts of horror at what I've just read, despite not being very in-tune with the Nanohaverse, I did get a chuckle out of the mental image of Nanoha beating the friendship into somebody. "YOU WILL BE A NICE AND GENTLE PERSON OR I WILL CONTINUE HURTING YOU UNTIL YOU HURT."

That aside, good and generous Aeldra, that hurt to read. I have only a wiki's worth of knowledge on the series, but I know that the TSAB is not the Fourth Reich waiting to happen. They are an INTERGALACTIC POLICE FORCE, if I recall correctly.

'Beat the friendship into someone' by firemagic on 2012-10-14 17:34:00 UTC Reply

Pretty much describes Nanoha's modus operandi. If the people she fought would just sit down and talk things over, then she'd be happy, but she usually needs to blast at them with high-power energy weaponry to get to the 'sit down' part. Then they become friends and solve whatever problem was making them fight in the first place.

Yeah. The TSAB was very careful to not let anyone know about their existence on Earth because they follow the Prime Directive. Planets only join up when they want to.

Re: 'Beat the friendship into someone' by SpecstacularSC on 2012-10-14 17:43:00 UTC Reply

And this translates into imperial mass-conquest regime... How?!

More on TSABDownfall by firemagic on 2012-10-14 16:16:00 UTC Reply

And that's not even the worst part. The TSAB in this is pretty much the Always Chaotic Evil Empire--they go around conquering planets that they've never been bothered with before, and everything they do is evil. There are almost no evil characters in Nanoha. Everyone has a reason for what they're doing. Outside of insane beings that weren't really sentient (like the Mariage) I can only think of two evil characters: Jail Scaglietti (who had a bizarre moral system and wasn't all there to begin with ) and That Bitch Quattro, whose name shall always be prefaced with That Bitch. Let's look at another quote, shall we?
She then saw that her idea's of peace and that death was wrong became void as she found that they had been doing very dark deeds such as the book of darkness, when they found it and in the case before it became hers, they had caused the book to go out of control by forcing dark memories into the master, causing the book to activate on the ship transporting it, the ships Lindy's husband and Chrono's father was captain of.

WHY. THERE IS NO BENEFIT FOR THE TSAB TO DO THAT. The TSAB, from what we knew of that time, was trying to peacefully get the Book. This fic is taking one of the more tragic moments in the series--a father dying to protect people, his best friend being forced to kill him--and using it as an excuse to drum up cheap anger against a strawman TSAB.

And it is a strawman. Everything the TSAB touches is automatically bad and everything related to Halo is automatically good. Raising Heart, a TSAB device, is one of Nanoha's most loyal companions, but is broken in the first chapter. So it's remade--well, that's a loose term--by Halo characters. It's got a new form, a new operating system, and a new intelligence. There is nothing remaining of Raising Heart in this new device, but Nanoha--or Nova, because it's not Nanoha, not anymore--doesn't give a crap about her loyal partner essentially having its corpse torn apart and used to make a new and completely different partner. It's not like there were segments where a Device character and a human one would talk about the philosophical implications of being artificial, no siree!coughcoughepisodefivecoughcough

And to add to the strawmanship, there's never any contest. Every battle ends with hundreds of thousands of TSAB soldiers dead and a hundred ships destroyed, and with one AFS (Nova's bit-character army) soldier getting a papercut. There is no tension and no attempt to make any.

And--and Agito. Agito once made a promise to Signum that if Signum ever became evil, if she ever turned from the path of justice, Agito would incinerate her. Signum asked Agito to do that, in episode 25. Welp, Signum's turned bad, and guess what Agito did? She ran away and became the device for a girl who can't even Unison. This fic makes her break a promise she swore to fulfill in memory of the man who saved her.

One final thing: Nanoha is killed in the first chapter, then revived with Super Speshul Forerunner junk. The TSAB kills her. And---more quotes.

Then the war happened, and worse, Nanohas death.
It tore Hayate apart, almost as much as what she found that caused Fate and half of the former riot force to join the new bureau.
Yes! Seeing the girl you love die at the hands of the organization you fight for would be the exact thing to make you even MORE loyal to that organization!!!!!! WHAT ABOUT THIS DOESN"T MAKE SENSE!?!?!?!?!?!??!?

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Ye Gods (Mild(?) swearing in post) by desdendelle on 2012-10-14 18:36:00 UTC Reply

Gods above, below, and everywhere else, I call Canon Rape on this. Because ye gods why do people mangle Nanoha? Why? This 'fic needs to have its ass handed to it.
-Curses the fanbrat who wrote this fic-
-Runs back to GDocs to finish his current mission-
Help. by firemagic on 2012-10-14 16:22:00 UTC Reply

I had to write up a basic execution scene for this thing to calm down. And really, I have the Nanoha canon breaks all layed out, so I just need someone who really knows Halo to help with this.

Are there Spartans called Fred, Kelly, and Linda? Or Shana-421 and Nara-423? Also, what's a Sangheili and is there one called Rtas 'Vadum?

Teh Specs attempts to help? by SpecstacularSC on 2012-10-14 17:05:00 UTC Reply

Oh geez, my halo knowledge is so limited...

The best I can give you is that Sangheili are known better as Elites - big guys, long necks, inverted knees, mandible mouths, religion-obsessed, carry laser swords, can turn invisible, can do dash attacks, and are about a match for Spartan units - and that they were once the military bosses until the Prophets booted them in favor of Brutes. Following the canon from here, I think the Elites got rather upset, and at the encouragement of an outcast known as the Arbiter, they ended up siding with humans against the rest of the Covenant. Other than that, no clue about this Rtas'Vadum guy.

As for Spartans, since there were once so many, it's possible that there were Freds or Kellys or Lindas, but I'm not sure about the other two.

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Almost sure Fred, Kelly and Linda are canon. by Sergio Turbo on 2012-10-15 07:53:00 UTC Reply

The Halo wiki can help here, though.

Shana seems to be only stolen from Shakugan no Shana.

Hold the mango... by SpecstacularSC on 2012-10-15 18:53:00 UTC Reply

Wasn't there a villager girl in REACH called Shana, or sommat? That might be another option.

Of course, it's not like I would know this, obviously. I barely know the plot of the GAMES.

Nabbing this post to report NSFW/B Hetalia fic... by Lily Winterwood on 2012-10-14 06:32:00 UTC Reply

MILKSHAKE by Konata101
America demonstrates a very special talent of his to Japan and England. UK/Japan/US, HARDCORE YAOI LEMON, and erotic Male Lactation. READ AND REVIEW, OR ELSE.

MEIN EYESSSSSSSS. I JUST. I CAN'T.
Well, there goes my quiet evening with sushi and miso soup.
The quotes are upside down... huh? by Sevenswans on 2012-10-14 04:55:00 UTC Reply

Dimension Witch... I'm straining to think of the right fandom now. If it's Witch World, I may shoot something.

People. The objects of verbs are important.

Re: the right fandom... by Cassie on 2012-10-14 10:28:00 UTC Reply

it's quite possibly Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles/xxxHoLiC. That has a major character named the Dimensional Witch, who's sometimes called the Dimension Witch by "fans" who don't spell it properly. Her given name is Yuuko Ichihara.

Sigh of relief. by Sevenswans on 2012-10-14 16:07:00 UTC Reply

Okay, good. My suspicions are not confirmed.

Dimension Witch would have been a really stupid thing to call the witches that travel through the gates in Witch World anyway...

Oh Emperor, what heresy is this? (nm) by Riese on 2012-10-14 04:40:00 UTC Reply

I don't know, but call in the Orks. by SpecstacularSC on 2012-10-14 22:20:00 UTC Reply

We need all the dakka and choppa we can get for this.

-Absently kicks a grot- by Riese on 2012-10-14 23:35:00 UTC Reply

Yeah. Why do people even do stuff like this?

-Grot slams into face- by SpecstacularSC on 2012-10-14 23:37:00 UTC Reply

I dunno.

And I say this in spite of a lengthy conversation between Lilly and I regarding suethors in another thread.

-Points and larfs- by Riese on 2012-10-15 00:39:00 UTC Reply

Mmm. I suppose it's a question for greater minds than ours. I just work here.