Subject: In the meantime
Author:
Posted on: 2012-10-08 05:04:00 UTC
Would you mind beta-ing the first part of an AU-fic we just threw together? Maggie's been killed, and Mike and Tanya sort of just a little bit dove into the Nasuverse to fight for tha Holy Grail in order to bring her back.
LilacLielac and I tacked THIS Hellsing fic:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3095629
In THIS Mission:
https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1vPjcGQzsCmp0ietqcdV2xT4Y63friz3cMHapBadqDW4
Feel free to concrit, and have fun!
Mildly NSFW for language.
. . . I almost had to read every line you quoted from the badfic in a duller-than-Ben-Stein voice, the wording was so stilted and expressionless. Kudos to both of you for slogging through this.
I like how Kilroy's absence due to being in a certain other, currently unpublished mission is referenced in the beginning here. Aside from tying things together with a clear timeline, it gives all the agents involved in both a greater feeling of autonomy, since we see them functioning with a greater cast of PPC characters than in most spinoffs.
There was one scene I couldn't quite formulate in my mind. It's in the beginning, when Mike is shooting the targets on the wall while Tanya reads the mission report. Mike then turns to speak to Tanya, and is looking over her shoulder while firing, and Tanya has to duck under the line of fire. But . . . when I look over my shoulder while pretending to hold a gun, my arms don't wind up aiming anywhere remotely near where my head is facing. It seems to me the only way for Mike to end up shooting near Tanya here is to have swiveled her entire upper torso around.
One other, minor detail: when Jeanne starts to attack the Alucard replacement, the narration briefly refers to her as Mike. (Mike closed the remaining distance between . . . ) Since Jeanne seems not to identify as Mike in the scene immediately after, I thought this might be a mistake.
Yeah, Kilroy's off in an 'incredibly grimdark canon' *couch* MLP *cough*. And I like writing Missions with other people more than just on my own, so my Agents are going to have a lot more interaction with other agents/agent pairs than usual.
The gun scene could've been better written, I admit. I guess I didn't make it clear - when Mike turned to Tanya, whe wasn't able to compensate for the recoil anymore. The bullets started missing the target and hitting the walls, then ricocheting off the wall and back toward Mike and Tanya.
And yeah, that should be "Jeanne." Nice catch.
The misunderstanding was also partly due to my lack of understanding of guns, it seems. <_>
The misunderstanding was also partly due to my lack of understanding of guns, it seems. <_>
I b'lieve at some point the narration or one of the agents mentions that the wayward bullet is ricocheting off the walls, and that that's why Tanya ducked. I'd have to read it again to be sure, though...
...I think it's implied that Mike's aim was only off enough to cause said ricochet, and not enough to have accidentally fired at Tanya. :D
I giggled like crazy when the sue screamed "YOU DIE NOW" at Alucard.
"TODAY! IS THE DAY! IN WHICH YOU SHALL PERISH!"
*runs Generic Mook through with a Justice Sword if Justicey Truthiness*
Come on. I can't be the only guy who thought that. Or something like that.
I was too busy laughing at the mental image. But yeah, kinda got that vibe too.
Just one of those scenes that can never be taken seriously on either a realistic scale, or a fantastical one.
So I hammed up the [WOOHOO!] Out of it.
Oh my, poor Mike and Tanya got another one of those Sues that think "state" is the only way to have a person say something. Jay and Acacia would know all about that!
I rather enjoyed the French exclamations. They made me happy. Only one note have I, and it has to do with how Tanya nodded at one point. "Tanya nodded, once and sharply." The wording seemed just a teensy bit...off to me, but maybe that's just personal preference...
Only one note have I, and it has to do with how Tanya nodded at one point. "Tanya nodded, once and sharply." The wording seemed just a teensy bit...off to me, but maybe that's just personal preference...
Eh, yeah, I'm not quite happy with that but it's the best words I could come up with for the motion I visualized. Maybe "once and sharp" would have worked better. Monosyllables and curt word endings for the monosyllable of the nodding world.
What did you think of the Alucard!Sue's death and the events immediately before and priddy much everything after it? ^_^
What about sommat like, "she nodded once, sharply"? Or, "she gave one sharp nod"?
I liked the flaming death of flameyness - although after all that worrying and talk of "if we die," it felt just a teensy bit anticlimactic. But, watching Jeanne d'Arc take care of business made up for it a bit (totally not because I am biased in favor of Joan. At all.) Also, I am madly jealous that Tanya got to talk to Jeanne d'Arc and I didn't. Poo.
I rather enjoyed the flirting those two kept engaging in. It made me giggle. Although I have to wonder what Tanya did with those pens just before they went off to kill the Alucard!Sue. Did she write a goodbye note or sommat? Was that ever revealed and I just missed it because I was "Night of the Living Internetless" and forced to use my phone?
Well, next time one or more of your Agents is on a fic with Mike, depending on the situation, you just might...
And the anticlimactic bit - yeah, we didn't figure out until like halfway through the fic that it was TV-verse. Sorry.
Also, where did the Rainbow Factory Mission go? Did your internet eat it?
Yay~!
We just moved to Modesto this week, so my computer currently only has limited access (read: Google sites and YouTube). My phone still accesses all of my usual sites, but using my phone to connect is 1) a giant pain and 2) saps the charge on my phone within an hour or two. I'll probably try to publish Rainbow Factory tonight or tomorrow on Google Docs, but I have no idea how patient I'll be with making the necessary post here and links on the Wiki. I might need to take a few dozen vitamin B12 first... :D
Would you mind beta-ing the first part of an AU-fic we just threw together? Maggie's been killed, and Mike and Tanya sort of just a little bit dove into the Nasuverse to fight for tha Holy Grail in order to bring her back.
Send it to wraths.beauty@gmail.com - I finally have a gmail, since that's the only email I can access from my computer...
(I'm totally not suffering from Internet withdrawal.)
What about sommat like, "she nodded once, sharply"? Or, "she gave one sharp nod"?
Pos'bly! I'll keep it in mind for this... ah... AU Riese and I are writing.
(Totally not biased in favor of Joan either) Is bit anticlimactic, but then we had to improvise it being TV Alucard instead of OVA. Jeanne is awesome, though. What about the punch? :3
Glad you liked the flirting! :D :D :D
Although I have to wonder what Tanya did with those pens just before they went off to kill the Alucard!Sue.
Noodle incident. Okay, actually no, I know exactly what happened. Tanya made a portal to her RC, said vague but worrying stuff to Maggie, then lured her in by saying "Here take these back would you" and hugged her. So Maggie has them. It has not yet been revealed in-story, however. Just inna notebook of mine.
Oh, internetless? Izzat why the Rainbow Factory mish isn't up yet? (FIX THAT! >:P)
The punch made me giggle-cringe - on one hand, I found the description of Joan passing out funny, but on the other hand I had sympathy jaw pains (which had absolutely nothing to do with me being named after Joan of Arc).
I described the situation in my reply to Riese's reply to my reply to your reply to my first reply to Riese's initial post about the mission. :D Dad hopes to have our wireless running by next weekend. I hope he does - I'm missing out on Brewfest! And tipping with a smartphone might land me in the emergency room with severe carpal tunnel...