Subject: Crit
Author:
Posted on: 2019-09-04 14:54:00 UTC

The one thing that stood out to me for improvement was a bit of "as you know, Bob" with this line:

> “Oh, right.” Charles nodded. “You’re a centaur.”

Urf. I could see someone saying something like that to a person they know to be funny, but without knowing Charles well enough to know if he's that kind of guy, it really comes across as the author awkwardly slipping in some information through dialogue instead of pausing to describe it.

I also think a centaur would do better kicking with their back legs than their front, but that may have been deliberate, since the front-kick went as poorly as expected. {= )

Otherwise, this was a cute scene of two friends killing time together. Fun! Except for that guy at the end. >.>

~Neshomeh

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