Subject: Write off
Author:
Posted on: 2019-08-21 10:07:00 UTC
Sorry! I only got the prompt when most of you were already asleep( It's the late afternoon now).
But I made a story! I drew inspiration from Enid Blyton. You can critcise the story as much as you want. I haven't written anything under a time limit( like exams or tests).
Here's the sauce(link)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1j1vkJ5JqQQuA_hfkr2jFVTWbyU9LbeyyTdCC5q3ns-A/edit?usp=sharing
In other words: it's tuesday! Another prompt was posted, another dozen people wrote things, and here they are conveniently collected! Your feedback and/or contributions are always appreciated.
The prompt was: "I only meant to make one. I only meant to make one!"
A lot of people took this one as a reference to The Sorcerer's Apprentice, and played it pretty straight - I loved some of the little variations, though!
Valon and Kala Finale: Love Without End, by Voyd
A Fork In It, by Thoth
Things for Hands, by Larfen J. Stocke, Esquire
The Roboticist, by EatPrayLove
Meant to Make One, by the GoodModAddict
Recursion, by Tomash
Misprint, by SkarmonySilver
Unfortuate Lab Results, by Mikelus
Heather and Will 7: A Room in the Devil's Nest, by YpsiFang
The Best Intentions, by Athena
Apprentice Mode, by Delta Juliette
SkarmorySilver's submission was very good, as can be counted on. The ending where the wedding card was shown got a laugh out of me, something writing rarely does.
Thoth's submission was rather interesting. I really liked the point of view present in the story and the worldbuilding was pretty interesting. It was also a nice gag.
Valon and Kala's finale by Voyd was rather heartwarming, even though I haven't read any of their missions. Maybe that's something for me to do.
Will post more reviews when I get the chance!
Sorry! I only got the prompt when most of you were already asleep( It's the late afternoon now).
But I made a story! I drew inspiration from Enid Blyton. You can critcise the story as much as you want. I haven't written anything under a time limit( like exams or tests).
Here's the sauce(link)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1j1vkJ5JqQQuA_hfkr2jFVTWbyU9LbeyyTdCC5q3ns-A/edit?usp=sharing
I've read quite a bit of Enid Blyton myself, and I can definitely see the inspiration there (I seem to remember something about a broom that wouldn't stop sweeping...)
I really liked some of the description you put into this; I was able to get a clear picture of the tailor's shop.
However, there were quite a lot of SPaG errors, which broke up the flow of the story and stopped me enjoying it as much as I might have done. I recommend getting a beta-reader to check over your work before you post it (if you're planning on writing longer pieces). This will help you pick up on a lot of those errors.
There were also a few phrases and sentences which felt a bit jarring and awkwardly phrased. For example, from your second paragraph, Issac went to cut some white string and wetted it with his saliva, and ran it through the eye of the needle.
Personally I'd rewrite that as something like Issac cut some white string and wetted it with his saliva, and then he ran it through the eye of the needle.
Some of this may just be a matter of personal style, but to me the second one reads much more naturally than the first. Partly because the use of "went" doesn't really work in this context, and partly because where you have the two "and"s it feels wrong for one to have a comma and the other not. You could also split this into two separate sentences after the second "and".
Sorry if this sounds a bit negative - it's much harder to write about the good bits!
Overall, despite the problems with SPaG, this seemed like a pretty good story! I hope to read more of your writing, and hope you find my concrit useful in improving it!
Ok,
Then I’ll watch out for that SPaGet.
I accidentally burned the SPaGetti.
The Artificer's Apprentice, by, well, me!