Very nice!

My second mission! by Mirage Fontane on 2019-08-01 21:51:00 UTC Reply

I've returned from my Internet hermit days, and I bring badfic with me! Agents May and Melissa Hurley are back, tackling a terrible FNAF smut-slash-Suefic with the help of another PPC debutante of mine, Agent Ruxanda.
Warnings for squick, swearing, non-con and body horror. Also, many thanks to eatpraylove and cousin Matt Cipher for betaing.

https://rc746.dreamwidth.org/870.html

Re: mission by doctorlit on 2019-08-06 14:10:00 UTC Reply

Hurrrrrr wow. You, uh. You sure did find a badfic, there. Wow. Okay.

Yeah, when I saw this was a rapefic mission, I really didn't get very excited about reading this. Upon getting through, I'm glad you were able to keep the focus on the anatomical description failures and such to keep it humorous, rather than just the spectacle of the sex itself.

Ruxanda is cool. I like that she's kind of a laid back, not-angry vampire. I guess she doesn't have to worry about lung problems from all that vaping, since she's already dead and doesn't breathe.

I also liked seeing the little moments that show Melissa and May are already growing closer to each other, even though their personalities have a tendency to clash.

—doctorlit, more jump-scared by robot slash than robot murder

Yep - I seem to have a talent for finding the squicky stuff. by Mirage Fontane on 2019-08-06 15:29:00 UTC Reply

I tried my best to cut out the really nasty bits - I don't like showcasing the unnecessary violence in this kind of fic any more than necessary. I'm glad I've managed to turn the badfic into a mission that was more entertaining than mind-scarring.

And I thank you in Ruxie's name - May and Melissa will always be my favorite team to work with because I enjoy developing their dynamic, but Ruxanda is one heck of a fun character to write.
As to your other question about her drinking habits: yes, she does drink blood, but I felt like showing it here would take the focus away from her more interesting character quirks. But I do plan on featuring the blood-drinking more in later stories.

Here comes an interlude! by Mirage Fontane on 2019-08-04 11:55:00 UTC Reply

In which we see how Melissa and Ruxanda are getting along, and someone strange appears in HQ.
https://rc746.dreamwidth.org/1125.html

Re: interlude by doctorlit on 2019-08-06 14:22:00 UTC Reply

Nice to see some plain old down-time.

So Ruxanda drinks beer and vapes? Does she actually drink blood at all, or . . . ?

I'm interested to see where this red-dressed lady is going!

—doctorlit, maybe should look up what strigoi are like or something
That was a nice little interlude by Tomash on 2019-08-05 04:52:00 UTC Reply

I wonder if that girl in the red dress is going to show up again ... because that's some pretty hefty foreshadowing right there.

One typo: "It was an unspecified, but definitely long, time later" (that is, insert a comma)

- Tomash
Hmmm... I do like! by S.M.F. on 2019-08-04 23:55:00 UTC Reply

Something about Ruxanda saying 'ain't' amuses me - I could've sworn I saw a 'Ruxianda' in the text, but that may have just been me reading too fast.

Thank y'all for reading and for the feedback. :) (nm) by Mirage Fontane on 2019-08-04 09:03:00 UTC Reply
I like it! by Ozzielot on 2019-08-02 16:19:00 UTC Reply

I found the mission to be fun to read and I like Ruxanda's character.
Good mission by SillyPhilly on 2019-08-02 16:11:00 UTC Reply

Choice quote:

"Do we charge for runaway body parts?:

"We do now."
I liked this by Tomash on 2019-08-02 04:26:00 UTC Reply

I think you did a good job handling the fic, and thas was an interesting ending.

I like the line about not using the words "Freddy" and "stuffed" in the same sentence for a while, because that makes a lot of sense.I also like the "running out of the RC" bit from the beginning - seems like the right reaction to this fic.

Looking forward to seeing more stuff.

One typo I saw: "vampiric strength; then, she took his" has an extra comma.

(Full disclosure, I don't know the canon much, but I can still sense why this fic is bad)

Thank you! by Mirage Fontane on 2019-08-02 10:47:00 UTC Reply

I left out a lot of terrible stuff from the mission, mostly because the fic kept repeating itself, but I did my best to show why I found it such a bad story. And I'm glad you enjoyed the small moments, especially Melissa running away screaming - I loved writing that bit.
Thanks for reading!

Very nice! by S.M.F. on 2019-08-02 00:05:00 UTC Reply

Ruxanda is quite a character, and I enjoyed getting to know her - you differentiate her from both May and Melissa well.

I don't know the source of the Agent Trojie misquote, but now I want to find it.

I did notice one tense shift: "The agents stared at the OC, who delivered this bit of dialogue in a flat monotone, including the moaning - which sounds really disturbing when clearly enunciated." sounds -> sounded

Also (this is a complaint at the fic, not you) Chica is not a duck.

Then (this is for the mission) Melissa is not referred to as regaining consciousness before they portal ahead.

I did like the fan being used for something!

And I also liked the Hope Spot/plot twist before the mission could end smoothly.

Thank you for writing! =D

I have to disagree concerning the "tense shift". by Hieronymus Graubart on 2019-08-06 18:56:00 UTC Reply

While "[the moaning] sounded really disturbing" would be correct, the narrator’s opinion that "[this kind of noise] sounds really disturbing when clearly enunciated" is a general statement – if not a general truth – that is still applicable at the time when we read it. Thus, using present tense can be justified here, and at least to me, seeing past tense used would look weird. (I admit that it wouldn’t be quite as annoying as reading "Earth was the third planet of the Solar System" in a story where the narrator doesn’t actually talk from a future perspective about a time before the Solar System's structure was drastically changed.)

HG

Thanks, HG. by Mirage Fontane on 2019-08-06 19:10:00 UTC Reply

That was actually my intention when I wrote that bit - to make a sort of general statement. I was worried that it wouldn't come across with the type of narrative perspective i was using, but I'm glad it did.

Thanks for the feedback! by Mirage Fontane on 2019-08-02 10:45:00 UTC Reply

This was a truly horrendous fic, but writing the mission for it was very fun, especially with Ruxanda now on board - I couldn't wait to introduce her.
If I recall correctly, Trojie said the thing about something not being at the end of a stalk during the sporking of Littlefoot x Cera, but I can't remember the exact chapter. I do plan on rereading the mission, though, so I'll tell you if I find it.
Thanks for bringing my attention to the mistakes that got past me, and thanks for reading! I'm really glad you enjoyed the mission.