Subject: Re: interlude
Posted on: 2019-12-31 13:26:57 UTC
It's good seeing some of the infrastructure departments getting some spotlight, and I like the way you framed the story so that it isn't told purely through the field agents' perspectives. I especially love the imagery of DIA agents charging into Middle-earth on horseback, and with Alice and Delroch, no less! Also, that opening line about DoSAT having a quiet, ordinary day, complete with swearing and explosions, was quite funny and definitive of DoSAT.
I think the fight scene was well done. It felt realistic to me for the agents to be able to get in some good blows, while still ultimately getting overwhelmed and suffering some pretty bad injuries. The orcs all felt in character in their actions and strategies. However, I can't really overlook the fact that no battle should have been necessary? Because assuming Melissa and May had a neuralyzer with them, all they would have needed to do was flash the orcs and tell them to move on and forget they saw the agents. Even if the field agents' was broken, the DIA agents almost certainly should have brought one with to minimize canon interference—and wiping out an entire squad of orcs is certainly interfering, "semicanonical" or not.
"Makes-Things gave Tuilinn a grim l."
Part of "look" got cut off.
And this might just be a difference between dialects, but in the following two lines:
"'I’ll better go and have my hide darned . . .'"
"'I’ll better get going, too.'"
The phrase as I know it in U.S. English would be, "I'd better go . . ."
—doctorlit, wanting to emulate greater infrastructure inclusion like this