Subject: Well, I read both of them
Author:
Posted on: 2020-02-19 12:27:13 UTC

Warning: Language

Because no one has replied to your writing yet, I decided to give back some advice. But can you please put in a language warning though? Because I swear that the use of the word pussy is bad language and I’m sure that we’re supposed to warn beforehand. I also don’t think that Beta requests work like this. Usually boarder A would ask for the email of an unsuspecting victi- I mean beta reader, and send the link to him/her. But apparently you want your writing to be public, so I guess that you’re fine with your writing being public.

I know that Corvus is supposed to be edgy and all, but to be honest he’s comes of unlikeable. I mean, he called Gizmo a pussy for no reason other than he’s edgy. Now, I don’t know anything about Gizmo but he seems to be younger than Corvus. Why? Because he was mentioned to have smaller proportions to his counterpart. I also don’t understand why Gizmo still asks him to be his acquaintance, even though he was insulted. Now, I’m assuming that Gizmo would be the same age as Corvus, but why doesn’t he know what pussy means? I mean, eventually teenagers learn those things, and probably more swear words.

Corvus also comes off as extremely aggressive. Because if he would to stare at me and essentially tell me to fuck off, I would feel threatened and angry. I have an older brother and I don’t like him. Why? Because he’s aggressive. He strangled me once for being “inconsiderate” and “loud”, by laughing. He was wearing earphones. But then Corvus softens up and let’s Gizmo be his friend after he is startled? So Corvus is just pretending to be an edgelord even though he was throwing a tantrum about his knife being confiscated? What is happening? Where is the logic? It also comes off as creepy, at least to me, when Gizmo started to cry that Corvus was leaving him. He doesn’t even know him, and yet he’s acting like he’s his younger brother! They’re strangers. I don’t know whether they are related or know each other, but it’s just really weird.

I also read the bio and I feel that it’s alright. Nothing else to write home about. I kind of feel confused about why Gizmo doesn’t even have one. Is Gizmo a side character or is he supposed to be a main character? Why doesn’t Gizmo even speak? Doesn’t he usually speak in role plays?

Now the SPaG is alright, for my Singlish level of English. So I can’t really tell you much about it sadly. Overall, I think that you can improve your writing. Sorry if this came off as insulting though.

Edit: I forgot to put down a part about Corvus speaking Italian. So does he come from the Italian voice acting dub of Sonic Forces?

~SomeRandomPersonAccount has filled the role of a beta reader, as requested.

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