A Christmas Without Sues

Subject: A Christmas Without Sues
Author: Thoth
Posted on: 2020-12-20 22:23:29 UTC

(To the tune of "All I want for Christmas is You")

I really don't want much for Christmas There's just one thing that I need I don't care for gifts or visits To Ankh-Morpork, Hogswatch eve

I just want time to myself Away from pop-song singing elves Flowers make it true! All I want's a Christmas without Sues

I really don't want much for Christmas There's just one thing that I need I don't care for gifts or visits To Ankh-Morpork, Hogswatch eve

I don't need a gift or present Hanging by the fireplace Nobody can pacify With a halberd Christmas Day

I just want time to myself Away from pop-song singing elves Flowers make it true! All I want's a Christmas without Sues

Oh, I won't ask for much for christmas I won't even ask to go Out to New Cal or to OFUM Or even out to see it snow

I'll keep protesting and shouting Send it up to the SO Build up letters, cards and greetings Begging them to let me go

'Cause I just want off for the night No Drarry fics, it would be nice What else can I do? All I want's a Christmas without Sues

Oh, the atmosphere's so gloomy in HQ Rife with agents half-mad from another Mary Sue

And everyone is grumbling I hear the hallways rumbling SO won't you give us what we really need? Won't give us a break (c'mon, please!)

We don't ask a lot for Christmas This is all we're asking for We don't want any beeps or buzzers Or Flowers right outside our doors

We just want a tiny break No glitter, glomps, or Gimli Hate, Flowers make it true! What we want is Christmas--No Sues!

Hopefully relatively singeable. I did have to crowbar the meter a bit but it should be to a bare minimum.

Jump to this post's position in the thread ↴

Happy Filkmas! by Neshomeh on 2020-12-19 20:23:48 UTC Reply

Let's see, the last filks I have on file are from 2018, so this must be the 2019 PPC Holiday Filk Game!

No? Oh, it's 2020? Well, can't we just forget it and skip to 2021, then?

No?

Oh, all right.

Welcome to the 2020 PPC Holiday Filk Game! Sorry for missing last year, but I hope that means you all have lots of ideas stored up and just waiting for an excuse to be written. {= )

As usual, the following guidelines apply:

Pick a seasonal tune that strikes your fancy—anything you like, even if it's been used for this before.
Write new words for it with a PPC theme.
2a. I encourage you to seek for a topic that does not involve Sue-slaying, because we have lots of filks about that. If that's what the muse dictates, though, go for it.
2b. This year, what could be more appropriate than a theme of silver linings and making the best of things in challenging situations?
Post your filk here in this thread for us to enjoy and comment on. (Generally speaking, if you post something, it's good manners to comment on someone else's thing, too.)
If so inclined, share a recording of yourself singing a filk or two.
When all's said, sung, and done, I'll add this year's entries to the PPC Holiday Songbook unless you specify otherwise.

The Songbook is actually up to date this year and has a new format, grouping filks on pages by year for, I hope, greater ease of readability.

Have fun!

~Neshomeh

"The Pyros' Song" by Tawaki on 2020-12-23 02:33:17 UTC Edited Reply

To the tune of the Gloucestershire Wassail

Assail, assail the Suvian town!

It's urple and sparkly and needs to burn down!

The summer's been dry and the town's full of trees!

So with torches alight let us now run free!

So blaze bright, Ormar, thou city of bleen!

And nevermore let thou on Arda be seen!

A Vanyarin town in the Misties' foothills?

That would be enough to warrant a kill!

Assail, assail the Suvian town!

It's urple and sparkly and needs to burn down!

North Wilderland cannot have deodar trees!

Middle-Earth, we shall light the night for thee!

The houses are wood and the roofs are of thatch!

I reckon it could all go up with just one match!

The Luinocarn river that sparkles so plue

Shall burn no more eyes with its hideous hue!

Assail, assail the Suvian town!

It's urple and sparkly and needs to burn down!

So at the bidding of one Bonsai Tree,

We will watch the town blaze with so much glee!

The fire is kindled and glowing bright!

The town's disappearance is a lovely sight!

And Suvians will trouble the world no more,

Until the next fic the Suethors have in store.

Assail, assail the Suvian town!

It's urple and sparkly and needs to burn down!

Now Ormar's no more; let's admire the trees!

And with Shire Fourteen-Twenty I'll drink to thee!
"Assigning the Missions" by Tawaki on 2020-12-20 23:14:39 UTC Reply

To the tune of "That's What I Love About Christmas", by Mark Watters. (from A Very Minty Christmas)

Oiolossiën, who is Walker Number Ten,

Claims to hail from Elven shores.

Flets high in the air--near the City of Corsairs?

I will contact the Mallorn.

So that is a mission for Pyros.

It's hard to believe, with so many maps,

Arda could still get so twisted!

What's the next report? Oh snap!

TARDIS comes to land on the world Horizon and

Seven joins with Shepard's squad

For Collector Base. There is Wilting-Lily!Ace,

Which he doesn't see as odd.

Most crossovers that are done badly

Mean that Untanglers will separate

Both (or all) timelines enmeshed here.

Now, what is the next report? Oh, great.

The report's here unfurling; my head is a-whirling

As Legolas falls in love

With a lithe dancer, a "neorcomancer"

Who fell to "Ard" from above.

With "Hitharglir" ringing from Aragorn's singing

(From Sam's and Gimli's, too)

Of the Beatles' hit songs--half the words are spelled wrong.

To the Comma I patch it through.

This is a problem recurring:

Spelling and grammar have disappeared,

Swamped in the technical errors.

What's this next report? Oh dear.

Seems that Peter Pevensie loves Miss Crystal Chickadee,

Who's an Archenlandish queen

She's a textbook Mary Sue, to Assassins now patched through.

This next, though, I don't e'en!

This makes no sense! Tungsten-Tritium-Fluorine!?

I loved it! by Kittyauthor on 2020-12-21 00:06:58 UTC Reply

Favorite line: "Spelling and grammar have disappeared,"

I don't know why I love such a mundane line, but I do!

Great job!

A Christmas Without Sues by Thoth on 2020-12-20 22:23:29 UTC Reply

(To the tune of "All I want for Christmas is You")

I really don't want much for Christmas
There's just one thing that I need
I don't care for gifts or visits
To Ankh-Morpork, Hogswatch eve

I just want time to myself
Away from pop-song singing elves
Flowers make it true!
All I want's a Christmas without Sues

I really don't want much for Christmas
There's just one thing that I need
I don't care for gifts or visits
To Ankh-Morpork, Hogswatch eve

I don't need a gift or present
Hanging by the fireplace
Nobody can pacify
With a halberd Christmas Day

I just want time to myself
Away from pop-song singing elves
Flowers make it true!
All I want's a Christmas without Sues

Oh, I won't ask for much for christmas
I won't even ask to go
Out to New Cal or to OFUM
Or even out to see it snow

I'll keep protesting and shouting
Send it up to the SO
Build up letters, cards and greetings
Begging them to let me go

'Cause I just want off for the night
No Drarry fics, it would be nice
What else can I do?
All I want's a Christmas without Sues

Oh, the atmosphere's so gloomy in HQ
Rife with agents half-mad from another Mary Sue

And everyone is grumbling
I hear the hallways rumbling
SO won't you give us what we really need?
Won't give us a break (c'mon, please!)

We don't ask a lot for Christmas
This is all we're asking for
We don't want any beeps or buzzers
Or Flowers right outside our doors

We just want a tiny break
No glitter, glomps, or Gimli Hate, 
Flowers make it true!
What we want is Christmas--No Sues!

Hopefully relatively singeable. I did have to crowbar the meter a bit but it should be to a bare minimum.

And certainly no gorefics. (nm) by Tawaki on 2020-12-21 01:33:29 UTC Reply

"12 Days of Working (for the PPC)," to the tune of "12 Days of Christmas" by Kittyauthor on 2020-12-19 22:39:33 UTC Edited Reply

On the first day of working, the PPC gave to me:

A partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the second day of working, the PPC game to me:

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the third day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the fourth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the fifth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the sixth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the seventh day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Seven pennies to spend

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the eighth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Eight number eights

Seven pennies to spend

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the ninth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Nine days of missions

Eight number eights

Seven pennies to spend

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the tenth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Ten wooden tables

Nine days of missions

Eight number eights

Seven pennies to spend

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the eleventh day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Eleven silly doorknobs

Ten wooden tables

Nine days of missions

Eight number eights

Seven pennies to spend

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the twelfth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Twelve glass frogs

Eleven silly doorknobs

Ten wooden tables

Nine days of missions

Eight number eights

Seven pennies to spend

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

O'Ryan: Kitty, who wrote this song?

Kittyauthor: Crow did.

O'Ryan: Did you have to mention my curse? And Kitty didn't get twelve of me...

Crow: sipping tea Hmm?

Real author's note this time: Just a random song from Kitty's point of view.

Which reminds me, I need to make a filk song for the CPP. Hmmm...

Hilarious! by Ozzielot on 2020-12-20 17:01:45 UTC Reply

"Five whole minutes of vacation!" "Nine days of missions"

I laughed out loud at these!

--Ozzielot

Thank you. (nm) by Kittyauthor on 2020-12-20 17:47:02 UTC Reply