Subject: Not the worst I’ve read?
Author:
Posted on: 2021-02-07 16:18:20 UTC
I’ve stumbled on some bad, bad Harry Potter ones out there.
Subject: Not the worst I’ve read?
Author:
Posted on: 2021-02-07 16:18:20 UTC
I’ve stumbled on some bad, bad Harry Potter ones out there.
So, a few weeks ago, I introduced some irl friends of mine to the PPC. Of course, being foolish people like me, they decided to try and read the all Legendary badfic in one sitting. All except Clbrian. They didn’t want to read that for reasons that I completely understand and should have heeded myself. Flash forward to today, we were in a Skype call, and I was dared to read said badfic out loud to them. I took the dare. twitches I’m not any more insane now, why do you ask? twitches
You should try "Blood Raining Night" next. I legitimately enjoy reading that one out loud to unsuspecting 18-or-older people. See how far you can get with a straight face. ^_~
Incidentally, welcome to the Dark Side. Have a cookie. }= )
... But seriously, all of them? In one sitting? You silly, silly person, why would you do that?
Also, we have a recording of several of us reading BRN already, if you'd rather make your friends suffer without doing so yourself. ^_~ You'll find it on the wiki page under "Criticism."
~Neshomeh was corrupted a long time ago.
I still listen to the Dramatic Reading of that every now and then and laugh uncontrollably. It seems like every single time, I find a quote I missed and fall in love with the fic all over again.
I think I read that one. I don’t know the continuum, so I was mostly confused about names and places , but I can see why it’s legendary.
And it just adds more as it goes on. In addition to the six that show up in the chapters covered in the mission, I remember Vocaloids, Dragonball Z, and Fullmetal Alchemist being dragged in later, and I'm sure I'm forgetting more. Not that knowing the continua really helps, given that the characters couldn't touch canon with a 39-and-a-half-foot pole in most cases and who they are has zero bearing on the plot. I actually hadn't seen Legend of Korra yet when I wrote the mission. Looking back on it, I'm not sure the author had when she wrote the fic, either. I don't think I'd change anything.
I guess knowing InuYasha at least a little bit would help, since there are more InuYasha characters involved than any other franchise, but still, the fact that the characters are wildly OOC is just one stone in the foundation of badness. It has that very special kind of badness that makes it as funny as it is cringey, and that's why I love it. ^_^
Maybe stick to Bleeprin and don't go for beating your head against the wall next time, eh? {= )
~Neshomeh
I suppose it would have had more of an impact if I actually knew any of the continuums?
How about "breasts delecately bouncing in the wind"? Blood "pouring into her mouth like a waterfall of gore and violence"? "Tears of pain and darkness rolled down her eyes"?
No?
You can always try reading the mission for a guided tour of the best lines and worst canon issues!
~Neshomeh
I’ve stumbled on some bad, bad Harry Potter ones out there.
Just that it's one of the so-bad-it's-funny-est. For real, if none of the horrible malapropisms make you laugh, I have to question your sense of humor. {= )
~Neshomeh
… is for Touken Ranbu to be dragged in as well. I don't think my sanity will be intact if the already honkingly Suelicious Ms. Ketsuekineko-oni turns out to be a saniwa/part-sword/a full-blown sword/in an affair with the entire Citadel/in secret relations with the Historical Revisionists/(insert any TouRabu Sue cliché here)…
Not everything needs to be about That One Thing You Like, y'know. Be careful not to bring it up so much that it becomes annoying.
~Neshomeh
You ever heard of that fic with Snape and the Teletubbies? (shudders)
Beware, a lot of icky stuff ahead.
Two of them! This one is rated T.
This...
this is...
this is amazing! {X D
House gets a pit bull because he is lonely. Cameron loves the dog. But, oh no! She is dying of cancer suddenly! So she wants to get with House as her dying wish, but he protests, so the dog rips Cameron's face off?! But then it turns out the dog has actually come to take House to Hell, because everyone hates him (except Chase for some reason) and they made a big evil pact to get rid of him. Cameron regrets it because she always loved him, but it's too late, and she dies. House gets a Big NO and some sappy final words, and he dies.
And the whole thing is riddled with bad grammar and funny misspellings. Excellent trollfic. I love it. ^_^
The other one is M rated and looks more disgusting, but also frigging absurd. A job for the Troll Division for sure.
~Neshomeh
I’m listening to a professional narrator attempt to read it and I’m not sure whether to laugh hysterically or be squicked.
Edit: I scared my cat laughing. He’s got the voices of Dobby and Hagrid down perfectly and I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse. XD
I wish to support professional narrators reading ridiculous things and also don't value my remaining brain cells, apparently.
Now, back in the day, Trojanhorse and Paddlebrains sporked a fic with Dobby and Dumbledore as the pairing. Mission here. NSFW and NSFB, obviously. /shudder/ I'd say I can't believe there are more like that, but that would be a lie. I totally believe it. Gah.
~Neshomeh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7A5oN0-6izs
I'm surprised he went to the trouble of adding music and atmosphere. One could almost be fooled into thinking this was good. It's terrifying when these things are actually well-written. But at least Dobby was into it this time. I think the least believable part is Harry and his Christmas gift. I'll just... leave it at that.
I made the mistake of reading the badfic "A Modicum of Pleasure," which still exists and is linked from the mission. Now I can't stop seeing the image of Dobby troublesome mental image and Dumbledore using Wingardium Leviosa to NOPE, the absurdity of which I honestly think the mission didn't emphasize enough. If you don't stop to think about how horrifying it is, it's hilarious. {X D
~Neshomeh
I mean, they’re obviously squicky for a reason, but if you ignore that part, they’re funny. The only squick fics I can say that I didn’t laugh at was That Series. Those just annoyed me, since that’s my childhood series they’re defiling.
The whole "I laugh so as not to cry/scream" thing?
Also, sex is inherently messy and weird, there's a ton of cultural baggage around it, and there aren't too many ways to write it well, so it doesn't take much to push it over the edge into extremely silly and/or gross. Try to get too "original" with it and chances are pretty high that you're going to miss the mark.
It's worth bearing in mind that a lot of the Legendaries are trollfic, though, so they were deliberately designed to be outrageous. YMMV on whether they succeed or not. For instance, I find "My Immortal" to be pretty tedious after a few chapters, when the gags start to become repetitive, and "C*l*br**n" presents itself so seriously it's just, dare I say, dull on rereading? Not that it didn't properly squick me out when I was younger and still really uncomfortable with the idea of R-rated fic at all, but take away the shock and there's not much left, apart from a few ingloriously over-described body parts.
Of the fics I've missioned, I think the one that's the funniest without being R-rated is "Ring Child," because it has that try-hard factor that lends itself to such delightful malapropisms as "Very relieved am I to know you are very much undead." I should try to read that one aloud sometime. Not ALL of it, because it's a beast, but some of it.
... And then I distracted myself looking at the rewritten version of "Ring Child" and trying to determine what the proper way to say "weightless" in Latin would be, because it sure ain't pondor, as the author would have it. (I gave up because I do not speak Latin and apparently forming opposites isn't as simple as sticking -less on the end.) The rewrite of the first chapter is... slightly better? Maybe? But also far more ripped directly from LotR, which does not count as improvement at all and really just makes it tedious. Why do people keep making this mistake?
~Neshomeh
And the strongest rice wine I can find 🍶
I already read the darn thing once, I didn’t need to go through reading it again and out loud this time. proceeds to take the entire jar of Bleeprin
I'm practicing dramatic-reading Naruto Veangance Revelaitons and I'm gonna need that.