Subject: It's really not.
Author:
Posted on: 2022-01-12 19:37:30 UTC
Whatever one may think of the UK royal family (and what I think of them is unrepeatable in polite conversation), they do in fact exist, regardless of whether or not they're palling around with Garfield.
Where do I even start with this fic?! It's called Garfield: Royal Rescue, and it's here. The author seems to think Garfield is Chuck Norris times 100, and he's apparently fighting the evil Prince William to rescue Princess Kate.
Since I didn't say this earlier, hi! I'm Kittyauthor!
Now to the slight serious business. I understand you're eager to get into the PPC community and want to show us all the badfic out there, but could you slow down a bit? You've only made posts about badfics (or replying to other users about said badfics, unless I missed something, which (if I did) please call me out on it!) and none about... well, anything else. Not saying to make posts asking about everyone's day all the time (that's mostly disscussion for the Discord server) but maybe reply to another's post about a mission, or perhaps wish EPL a happy birthday. I understand the eagerness about sporking badfic, I really do, but perhaps could you tone it down a bit?
In a slightly different vein, if you do find multiple badfics, could you keep them to one thread so that multiple badfic threds aren't clogging up the front page? The Board sorts (default) by newest to oldest threads, so, by making a new thread for badfic, you're pushing an older thread off of the first page. I understand moving from the Starkit thread, since that got a bit crowded, but try to keep all the badfics to one thread, if possible.
Thank you for reading my long ramble-ly post. I hope you enjoy it here in our community!
-kA
Sure, it's an RPF, but it's also a Garfield fic, so...
Whatever one may think of the UK royal family (and what I think of them is unrepeatable in polite conversation), they do in fact exist, regardless of whether or not they're palling around with Garfield.
Here's Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami. And what a badfic.
It's a Witch-king of Angmar/Eowyn fic. No, I'm not joking. I haven’t read all of it yet, but the Witch-king and Eowyn are character replacements as far as I can tell. I think Mordor freezing over and getting snow three feet deep is more likely than Eowyn and the Witch-king falling in love. Also it describes the Witch-king as this: He looked so impressive in his mantle and his suit of armor. A heavy crown stressed the manly shape of his otherwise unseen brow. Then there’s this murdering of the Witch-king’s lines. “No living man may hinder me!,” he proclaimed in a thundering voice. And then, as if ashamed, he added: “And no living woman likes me.”
-Claire, wishing that Bleeprin was real
Because we all know "any idea can be written well" is my mantra. There are three options for this, in increasing order of difficulty.
1/ Don't play it straight. This is what "My Dwimmerlaik" does, writing what seems to be solid humour at 40K word length. The names later on make my eye twitch (the Witch-King appears to be called "Eric"), but that's part of the writer's goal, I think.
2/ Set it earlier. Way earlier. The Witch-King was a Lord of Numenor (or possibly a king, or maybe even a queen), so you could write a grimly tragic romance where the central conflict is between his love for his lady and for the Ring. (Given the existence of the Tale of Aldarion and Erendis, this is very on-theme for Numenor.) Simple enough to do, because he's not undead yet.
3/ Think very hard, then set it later, in the time of Angmar or Morgul. At this point, the Nine Rings are probably held by Sauron, to ensure the Nazgul's loyalty to him. So the Witch-King doesn't have physical possession of the thing.
The #1 question you need to answer is: what, if anything, can get a Ringbearer to pay attention to something other than their Ring? The books give us a few possible answers.
a) Survival. Gollum lost the One Ring because he was more focussed on his food, and didn't try to steal it back from Frodo because he was afraid for his life. We know the Nazgul aren't in direct mental contact with Sauron, because if they were the months Frodo spent in Rivendell were plenty long enough for Sauron to get something in place to trap him. So if the Witch-King can be captured (if!), he might be persuaded to cooperate in exchange for his life.
b) Loyalty. Sam gives the Ring back to Frodo, and Bilbo leaves it behind at Gandalf's request. Even Smeagol seems to be loyal to Frodo, as far as he can. But what would the Witch-King be loyal to, other than Sauron? My answer is to go back to an older loyalty: create a character to be the Lost Queen of Numenor. She would be a Black Numenorean, probably from Umbar or its exiles, and crucially would be a direct descendent of one of the last few Kings of Numenor (which Aragorn is not). Let's say her last royal ancestor was Ar-Zimrathôn, great-great grandfather of Ar-Pharazon; his regnal name means "Collector of Jewels", which could refer to having many children. It also puts the split far enough back that her ancestors wouldn't immediately emerge as rulers of the Black Numenoreans. Perhaps she's a messenger from Umbar who recalls an old family legend about the Witch-King's identity. Or, if you wanted a canon character, she could be Queen Beruthiel. (That would be some 500 years before the Nazgul officially reappeared, so perhaps like the Orcs he was 'free' while Sauron was too weak to exert control.)
c) Mental influence from a greater Power. The Nazgul surrendered their Rings to Sauron, and Frodo lent his to Bombadil. A Maia could probably get the Witch-King's attention, and maybe a High Elf, if you can write around the whole 'burning Unseen light that causes great pain' aspect. Galadriel or Elrond could almost certainly do it, with their own Rings. Oh, which brings to mind the last option:
d) The One Ring. Find a suitably bossy Hobbit-lass (possibly Pearl Took the political assassin), somehow get the Ring into her hands, and have her command the Ringwraiths' obedience. There is nothing humourous about this concept at all. >:(
hS
2) It's tagged Humor, so it's meant to be hilarious.
I, for one, quite enjoy the juxtaposition of the good descriptive writing with the absolutely bonkers notion of fixing the Witch-king and with his absurd dialogue. ("'Sup, baby." I expired. I r ded.) I feel personally targeted by this fic and I love it. {X D I haven't read it all yet, but I'm going to.
~Neshomeh
I am not enough into LoTR to mission that fic. Sorry...
I wasn't suggesting you mission this.
-Claire
Mission by Falchion, Rashida & Ripper.