Welcome to the Board! Have some of my hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Drink at your own risk.

Greetings, fellow anime fan! I suggest you leave any sanity that you might posses in the appropriate reciprocal over there labeled "Useless" as you won't use it much here. Make sure you check out the handy links above, as they provide entertainment and enlightenment for those who click them; unless of course they've run out, in which case you must inform me so I can restock them.

I feel the need to point out some grammar mistakes, as we are a community focused on celebrating the good writing and mocking the bad. Just make sure you look your post over before you publish it so as to catch any glaring errors before they happen. It's okay if it happens once or twice, just make sure it's not a frequent thing.

And, to commemorate you're initiation into the wondrous world of the PPC, I give you an anti-thermometer, for measuring everything except temperature, seeing as your frigid self would break it otherwise.

Hello there!

Have this unreticulated spline - just don't expose it to temporal radiation (I did that once and was cleaning up the fur for weeks).

*returns head to its original location*

I think I have a blob of awake I can spare. Let me go fetch it... Ah, here it is. Sadly, I had no knowledge about its alarming rate of reproduction, so I have far too many. It is good for studying, night-blogging, insomnia, and school. It is useless for about everything else, but gosh darn it's cute.
No gift returns, even if it does try to steal your soul in the middle of the night.

saw all this. Thanks everyone!
(also that capsfail. Ignore that capsfail.)

Glad to meet you. Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object.

Welcome to our insane Board! I present you with a fish.

Made of chocolate. Filled with orange marmalade. Enjoy!

Hello there! Here, have a graduated cylinder to measure things with. :D

Oh hello there newbie! So you're an anime fan too, have you ever seen D.Gray-Man? It's one of my favorites. Since you have such a frigid name, I shall present you with a super -insulated wool cap with ear flaps!
*Warning, wearing hat for long periods of time may cause it to overheat and spontaneously combust. This is potentially a bad thing and should be avoided.

Hello and welcome aboard! Have a box of random tools - handy for fixing random equipment malfunctions!

Hi, have some fudge!

Hi, and welcome to the Board! For a newbie present, have some Water - it's made of only the highest-quality, sparkliest Sue blood!

Have a six pack of CAFfeine. New! furry creature free batch. Contains Cute Animal Friends like snakes, phoenixes, fish and pet rocks!

Warning: Less caffeine intensive than the normal stuff and may cause random bouts of Parseltongue.

Have a plushie Charlotte! I promise it won't grow into a giant plushie worm that'll eat your head off.

Anyways, welcome to the Board!

I've got decaffinated caffeine, acetonitrile, and some battery acid in my pockets, so take them as your welcome gift and never mix them.

What are your fandoms?

Hi there, Absol F! (I'm guessing from your handle that you're somewhat knowledgeable of Pokemon?)
Anyway, first of all, if you haven't done so already, please read the Constitution (link on top of the page). You are also welcome to introduce yourself in the IRC channel (again, link on top of the page).
Moving on, I'd like to inquire as to your fandoms?
And last but not least, I hereby present you with a gift: a cup of delicious Irish Breakfast tea, straight from the Emerald Isle itself. Just don't let the leaves eat you, eheheh.